East Coast road trip

Our swimming pool at Bonville Campsite

St Michael's Church

Cooking breakfast at the beach

Soacked by a wave a Port Macquaire

Mike & I chillin at our new camper van

Photos from the East Coast road trip

NELSON BAY

LOOKING OUT FROM THE CAR OVER THE VIEW OF PALM BEACH 'SUMMER BAY'

MIKE AND I AT LANE COVE CAMPING SITE IN SYDNEY

ON TOP OF OUR OLD CAR SHEILA AT LAKE GLENBAUN

AWAKE 5AM AT LAKE GLENBAUN, I WAS SO COLD!!!

East coast road trip to Coffs Harbour

Wednesday 14th – Thursday 15th October Arrived at Bonville, a small place just south of Coffs Harbour, where the blueberry farm and chosen caravan site was. Bonville Caravan Site had a big blue sign out the front saying for 'Over 55's!' Tall and Small would fit right in. The couple running the place seemed nice and it only cost Tall and Small $10 per night for a powered site with tap, shower and toilet facilities (which despite the red plastic toilet seats and the cubicals looking like they were from Alcatraz prison, they were adequate), free swimming pool (which the owner quickly cleaned out the next morning) and free wireless Internet (which although slow at times, was pretty good). Tall and Small were given their allotted space marked as Number 1, but somehow the 1 had been painted back to front, so to see it correctly you would have to view it from a mirror. The other residents seemed a bit odd. Out the back was a 'residents' section which the owner told us to stay clear of. A few old people wondered into view occasionally, and looked rather disheveled and like lost bearded tramps, muttering to themselves. There was also a strange man parked opposite, who despite owning a camperan had pitched his tent on the roof and slept up there with the door open so all could see his bald head poking out as he slept six foot off the ground. On the Thursday Tall and Small checked out the local shops, which consisted off two petrol stations and a fresh fruit and veg shop. They brought a reduced pot of fresh yogurt and mixed berry for $4.50 from the Fresh fruit shop, but when they came to eat it noticed it was 4 days out of date and full of mold. Small one took the pot back and told the dim, lazy young girl behind the counter it was four days out of date. She said 'oh someone should have taken them out ages ago'. Small one said he would take another, then pointed out that all of them were out of date. When leaving the shop with one that was only a day out of date and smelt okay, he reminded the girl again that they were all out of date. She said 'OK', and stayed slumped where she was..... someone should probably have taken them out the fridge as well. Tall and Small then walked down to Bonville Farm where they would be picking blueberry's from Monday 8.30am till 1.30pm for $17-$18 five days a week. It was a half hour walk in the hot sun. Ahead of them down the road was an elderly couple walking their big dog. They let the big dog run free across the road, and a couple of cars had to stop and wait for the thing to move. The dog then ran into a gate by the road and a huge chorus of wild barking from loads of dogs started for about five minutes. When Tall and Small walked past they saw their dog had stirred up a 'Pet Holiday Retreat'.... some retreat, with the noise coming out of that place. They got to the farm and could see a few people working in a white netted field in rows of bushes. They spoke to the older lady who ran the place with her husband (the parents of the couple met in Jenolan). She seemed nice and would see them Monday. Back at the caravan site they tried the pool which took Tall one five minutes to open the gate, which turned out to be a button to push inside the hollow top of the seven foot gate post?? The water was freezing, but Small one managed to swim a length for the first time ever. The owner noisily roared up and down the garden on a lawnmower during this, and continued to do so for the next two hours. Wednesday 14th October Said goodbye to the two German's and made a last stop at the Port Macquaire car registry office to change ownership of the campervan. Small one went inside whilst Tall one waited in the car, as he waited a man with a black eye patch pulled up next to him. Unfortunately Small one had just finished reading Treasure Island and given the book away, otherwise it would have made a nice gift for him. Tall one brought a cassette tape for 50c from a nearby Charity shop to try and see if Tony's radio worked at all. It played an awful sound which was supposed to be Rod Stewart, but sounded more like the radio was channeling the devil. They drove out of Port Macquaire with no music, but with a line of eight cars queuing behind them, as Tony plodded on at his usual 60 km an hour. Arrived at South West Rocks to find the sky full of another dust storm, but not as red as before. Both Tall and Small were knackered and dozed in the car for two hours before driving on to see Smoky Cape Lightouse. The place was full of flies and in the car park a strange man pulled up next to Tony and sat in his drivers seat a while glancing over to Tall and Small as they drank tea. He then took his shirt off (and Small also through his trousers) and sat half naked in the car for a bit longer. He then got out topless (which was no a pretty site) and lifted the hood of his car and stared in for five minutes. He then lowered the hood and walked up some steps to the lookout point, turned and walked back without stopping. Came over to Small one and asked if he had the time. Small one showed him his bare wrists and said No. The man said is that so. Got back in his car and gave Small one a strange look and drove away. Small and Tall could not be bothered walking around much and could not find any place cheap enough to camp for the night, so decided to just drive straight up to Coff's Harbour. That was the end of their road trip, for now.... Monday 12th – Tuesday 13th October Spent the next to nights in Port Macquaire sleeping for free in a car park by the Town Beach, hoping no policeman would come and fine us. Small one wanted to park with the rear facing the beach to have a good view as we sat, but managed to park directly opposite the only fence on the shoreline. We were a little more reassured about camping in the carpark as another couple in the car pack were also staying the two nights in a campavan. Small one at first went over to ask if there were staying the night, then came back and said he didn't bother asking as he looked a bit rough and she was Asian. Later that evening the guy came over and asked us if we were staying the night, it turned out he was this barrel chested, blonde German called Sebastian and she was his German girlfriend with not a hint of Asian in her, called Mac. They were a nice couple and we chatted with them both nights and mornings, their campavan was smaller but only cost $2,000. In the middle of the night with no reason the German guy moved his campavan three spaces up from us, then later moved it to the space next to ours. He told us the next morning it was due to all the cockroaches swarming out the drains and onto his car. Unlike the previous stops, Port Macquaire proved to be very hot and sunny and got up to 29 degrees. On the Tuesday Tall and Small took a walk along the 'Breakwall' people's gallery. Which consisted of hand painted rocks along the coastline, decorated by people with their own slogans and names etc etc from the last 10 years or so. Some were interesting, most pretty banal. Walking by us was a big old woman on crutches and her husband with a grey beard, pushing a small child in an empty shopping trolley. The beach car park was full of eccentrics. A tramp kept walking past us with beer bottles and smiling over the three days, which was worrying. Then a bearded man in a van smiled as he drove past, Small one smiled back and he stopped and pulled in. The man then bored Tall one to death by telling him about surrounding towns he should visit without listening to a word Tall one said back. Small one hid cooking at the back of the van (cooking mushy peas, broccoli, potato and steaks and setting fire to a gas cylinder in the process), and the man pointed out that he cooks baked beans with noodles, those ones you just add water, he said that was pretty good we should try it. Eventually he drove off, and we watched the poor lonely bastard leave and were very happy. At 6.00am both mornings we awoke to find the car park full of cars, the beach full of joggers and the sea filled with a regular group of eight elderly, over weight men swimming in the cold water. Unfortunately Tall one went into the beach toilets at that time, only to find all eight of them showering nude in cold water or drying themselves with a towel. It was like walking into a zombie movie. Small one and Tall one had wondered about the town doing some shopping and had wondered why the town clock was an hour fast. Back at the beach the two Germans pointed out that their clock was an hour faster than ours as well. They suggested that we had not noticed the clocks going forward a while ago. We looked up when that had happened, apparently on the 4th of October, nine days previously! For over a week Tall and Small had been wondering why receptions at campsites we either open earlier or closed earlier than stated, and had been living an hour behind without knowing it. It shows how time really didn't matter on the road, thankfully they found out before arranging a meeting for their fruit picking work to start. Spent a lot of day on beach and even swam in the sea, watching children and parents both using their body boards on the waves a lot more successfully. Tall one suggested they did an hours return walk down the coast to the Rainforest Reserve, and may see wild Koalas which Port Macquaire supposedly has a large population. The walk turned out to be a 2 and a half hour walk and they saw no Koalas. When they got back to the beach, the two German's said that we had just missed some whales diving out the water as well as a huge eagle. That night we took photos of cockroaches. At least on the walk the contact for the Coff's Harbour Blueberry picking work, met in Jenolan phoned and said we were all go for the following Monday. We were worried that James from Jenolan may have phoned and put in a bad word after we walked out, but seemingly not. As Small one was on the phone with him a strange, very camp man approached Tall one in the dark and said have we not met before? Didn't you stay at the YHA and aren't you Swedish? Tall one answered 'no' to all of this strange man's questions and told Small one that they should run away as soon as he got off the phone. Saturday 10th – Monday 12th October Port Macquaire was the next stop which was a couple of hours drive north up the coast. Supposedly a quaint, seaside town, lined with Palm and Gum trees, populated by one of Australia's biggest wild Koala populations. Arriving there mid afternoon Small one had his heart on finding a new car to replace the temperamental Sheila, and wanted a Camper van. Driving on the road to the campsite was a few cars parked on a field with for sale signs on, sure enough there as a camper van for sale. Closer inspection revealed it was $4800 or nearest offer, a 1988 beige Mitsubishi, decked out with mattress, sink and kitchen table, and a DVD player and flat screen LCD TV. It also had a tasteless Tiger skin interior. After running Sheila through a car wash for $15, Small one arranged to meet the owner by the Camper van, a nice Australian chap with his short wife. Small one asked the best price the man could do on the van, and he dropped $300 down to $4,500. Small explained that they would have to sell Sheila and put up the rest of the money for the Camper van, unless that is he would like to exchange the van for her and say, $3,000? After some pauses, the wife convinced the man to agree to Sheila plus $3,000 cash, as Small one explained he should be able to get $2500-$3,000 for Sheila. Small then pointed out that Tall one had just put $50 of petrol into Sheila so could he do the same for the camper van? To which he agreed, or his wife did. Small then owned up and told him that Sheila's front passenger electric window did not work and Ford had quoted over $200 to fix it. The man said he did not mind. Then when they went to draw cash out and found they could not exceed a limit on their credit accounts or transfer more money from their savings without Internet, they found themselves $200 short of the $3,000. The man said he didn't mind that either, as his wife had told him to look after the Irish, as she had an Irish name. We swapped keys and registrations and left, hoping Sheila would not blow up before they were out of his driveway. As before, Small one had gone for the very first vehicle he had looked at, without the slightest bit of shopping around. They called the Camper van Tony, after the Frosties cereal Tiger because of the tacky interior. Tall and Small paid for two nights in a cheapish caravan site by the beach for two nights, to get the luxury of a decent shower, toilets, electricity and a beach for a few days. That morning they set out into the town to transfer their remaining money to sort out their debts made last night. Tony took five attempts to start and rattled up the hill. He is almost as old as Tall one, and has a broken horn. He's a little slow in the mornings and Small one doubts he'll go above 60km an hour, but they were happy enough after one of the most comfortable nights sleep they have had for a long time (including Jenolan Caves). After a $90 food shop they ate pizza by the beach and the weather was relatively sunny. By the time they were back at the caravan site it was overcast again, but at least it was not raining. They now had another 5-6 days before they had to get to Coff's Harbour. Very few people seemed to be staying at this Port Macquaire caravan site, only one other bizarre family pitched a tent, with the parents seemingly staying with their son and girlfriend. Nobody used the BBQ area and the pool only seemed to be used once by locals walking in off the street. Strange in contrast to every other campsite in the last few weeks which were packed due to school holidays. Thursday 8th – Saturday 10th October Left the wet and miserable Port Stephens midday and headed up to the Myall Lakes National Park, where there would be definite free camping. Stopped in a campsite around 4.00pm called Stewart and Lloyd. Supposedly we were to pay $7 to $18 a night, but only if a ranger came and collected the money. The woods were situated on a thin stretch of land, on one side was the coast, still with big sand dunes, and the otherside was the lake. There were no showers at any of these, so Tall and Small would be unwashed (Still filled with sand from the Stockton Bight Dunes) until they left Myall Lakes. There was an information board stating walks, campsites and to look out for wild dogs, or Dingos. Also a chemical toilet. Tall and Small ate another hearty meal out of a can and did there washing up in the little shallow sink by the toilet. Too which later on they found out the other campers children were using to was their dirty feet in. Wild Turkeys then stalked about the car picking up Tall and Small's crumbs. It was a dull night at this campsite, with the other campers having a lo of other jeeps turn up, spend an hour with them then leave, making Small one alert with his nose pressed against the glass watching these goings on every time a car pulled in. Friday was hoped to be a sunny day so the sand dunes could be explored properly, it was not. It rained all day and Small and Tall sat in the car reading Treasure Island and David Attenborough's autobiography. It was dismal. In the middle of the morning Tall and Small heard some blood curdling screams coming from the sand dunes, where they had seen the group of four young kids going earlier on their sand boards. They got out the car to investigate, only to see that closer to the dunes than them were the children's parents and another group of adults setting up camp who were completely ignoring the screams. After ten minutes the screaming was not heard again. About an hour later the children all walked back into the camp un-phased and washed their sandy feet in our washing up sink again. Midday Tall and Small moved further up the National Park to Mungo Brush. It was raining there as well, but they wasted ten minutes throwing bread to black swans which completely ignored them. When the rain finally stopped for about an hour they walked up the sand dunes, and fell over a number of times. Back at the car at 4.30pm it was raining again. In the middle of cooking another can of stew two security guards pulled din and came and told them there was a noise curfew at 10pm and if there was any trouble to give them a call. After that they left, and no one had even asked for the camping payments. Saturday morning Tall and Small wanted to get the hell out of Myall Lakes, as it was raining yet again and had quite enough of sitting in the car reading all day. The lack of cleanliness and comfort from sleeping in the car in the woods these few nights was also getting to them, as was the bad weather and food from a can with melted butter on warm bread. They cooked some spaghetti on toast, and while Tall one was doing the washing up a middle aged woman camp traipsing through the wet woods wearing pink slippers, a red dressing gown with purple hair. She went into the toilets past Tall one, and must have only had a wee as she was out within a few minutes. Up the road to leave Myall Lakes they had to use a pointless ferry service to cross a 20 yard wide river across the road. It was $5 per car and the trip took 2 minutes, run by a man with an enormous hat. After a brief stop at the picturesque (but still overcast) beaches at Seal Rocks they left the National Park and stopped at a takeaway food joint where they enjoyed big hamburgers with chips, coffee and milkshakes. A big relief after all that canned shit. Small one told the cashier that the food was amazing and the best he'd ever had, although he had just been living in a car in the woods for three days. The last stop before they headed up to Port Macquaire was to see the supposide Tallest Tree in New South Wales, another big statistic. It was a long un-sealed road to which Sheila struggled. Finally they got to this tree, called the Grandis. It didn't look that big, although it was supposidly 400 years old. Small one had a wee off the viewing platform and they left after five minutes. Theres not really much else to do at the foot of a big tree? Wednesday 7th – Thursday 8th October Arriving in Port Stephens around 5pm and not having anywhere to sleep they drove around following camping signs. Ending up in an expensive luxury Holiday Park overlooking the Port, called Discovery Holiday Park. Where they paid $40 for one night only. The next day there were due to try and find the large sand dunes in the area called Stockton Bight, as well as try and spot the supposed 1600 dolphins that lived in the Port. They cooked a terrible Carbanara from a packet in the grim kitchen / family room, and then had another night in gale force winds. The next day the weather was wet and windy and dismal as before. A brief trip around the town where there was nowhere to park for free. On the outskirts free parking was found and Small one re-arranged Sheila yet again. Tall and Small then went for a walk whilst the weather had settled. They saw big Pelicans but no dolphins. They had tea in a cliff top cafe which on the door stated an apology for their slow service as they only had six staff on.... there wasn't even that many tables for them to keep up with, it was only a little place. Tall and Small had English and Irish Breakfast tea, and were served it in something like Grandma's fine china. Driving on in the grim weather to the Stockton Bight Sand Dunes, advertised as the largest moving sand mass in the southern hemisphere. Mind you, most tourist sights seemed to have some carefully worded tagline to make them the longest river on such an such region or the biggest cutlery handles in any town beginning with H. The sand dunes were very impressive, 23km long and 1km wide, they were used in the Australian, Mel Gibson Mad Max film series. Again the weather was horrendous, gale winds blew sand in Small and Talls faces, the grains blowing so hard they stung the skin on your legs and face. Wet too, so the sand stuck to Tall and Small's hair and clothes. Monday 5th – Wednesday 7th October Leaving Stockton Beach Campsite early they headed out of town stopping at a K-Mart to buy more supplies, a weeks food shop and a Hungry Jack's breakfast. They then headed inland through Hunter Valley, which is full of Vine Yards and Wine Stops, which they past none of from the main highway. Un-sure where to camp for the night they pulled in to Lake Glenbaum off the highway near a place called Scone. It was a huge lake with an entrance, which after the barrier you had free range to drive and camp where you liked. Only one night was paid for at $18, and they stayed two nights as they were dishonest. The tent was first erected overlooking the lake on a remote spot, when they found out soon enough why it was so remote, as there was a rotten Kangaroo by the shore which reeked. Tall one posed for a photo by it before they moved camp. There were thunderstorms that night, followed by a great Sunset. Awaking the next morning to a valley and lake covered with mist and some twenty odd kangaroos feeding around their tent. They had unfortunately pitched there tent on a slope, and so had woken a few times in the night to be both rolled off the edge of the inflatable mattress. The two portaloos at the top of the hill were not luxury, with no water to flush one, and no loo paper in either. Both of which were mysteriously removed during lunch time. Soon two elderly couples nosily appeared and set up caravans next to Tall and Small one. One woman came and introduced herself and made a point of coming over a few times calling “Michael, Michael I have some spare hot water if you want it”. After the portaloo disappeared we saw the same lady traipsing unceremoniously back from the woods carrying a small shovel and a roll of toilet paper. It was not a pretty mental picture. The days spent by the lake were quite lazy days. The sun was very hot and a short walk was taken past Pelicans and a run over rabbit. The rest of the time was spent reading, when Small one finished Alan Alda's Biography, and Tall one had started reading David Attenborough's, which Small one ironically chose to squat ants as they bit his ankles. Wednesday was their last day by the lake, they had thought they would stay to Friday, but were bored and gale force winds were stopping them from doing very much. They used the sites showers before they left, which seemed full of retarded red necks calling to each other in neighboring stalls about how “der warder is very very cold”. When Tall and Small went into the building they found all four showers in use and had to wait for ten minutes. Finally a young lad came out of one shower, fully clothed, bone dry, with no towel or shower gel in his hands. What he was doing in there we did not know. Leaving the campsite at 12pm they headed back past Scone and up the highway towards The Burning Mountain. Which turned out to be more of a hill with some steam coming out. This was due to coal seams heating the hillside and hot steam had been coming out for hundreds of years. A large family of noisy Indians had been following them up the path, but luckily they seemed to gave up as soon as the steps started to go uphill. Leaving the mountain Tall and Small headed back down to the East Coast to Port Stephens. Friday 2nd – Monday 5th October Up at 5.30am and over to see the sunrise of Summer Bay. Found Alf's Surf Shack which was actually still signed as Sumer Bay Surf Club. Drove down the peninsula a way to Avalon where food was brought in Woolworths along with Alan Alda's (aka Hawkeye from M*A*S*H) autobiography and a boogie board for around $5 each. Bumping into those same french people again at the beach, outside the charity shop and outside the toilets. Tall and Small left Avalon before they were forced to socialize with them. They drobe up the highway and headed for their next stop, Newcastle. After their fearful (but free) night's sleep in the car they booked three nights at a beach camp site in Stockton (opposite Newcastle) for $32 a night over the long bank holiday weekend. On the way up they stopped and ate plastic cheese and red onion sandwiches in a national park and finally brought Tall one some more hair dye after searching for the right brand for days. It turned out the blonde tart on the front had been changed to a more up market woman with a less slutty look about her. Three boxes where brought for future use. They arrived in Newcastle exhausted at 4.30pm as it started to rain hard and thunderstorm, to which it continued for the rest of their night over their little tent. They fried sausages and the rest of the red onion on the gas stove sitting in the boot of the car. They hoped it would not rain for the next three days there, although it was still better than Jenolan. It did rain for the next three days however. The tent leaked and filled with water on the inside floor, after a quick trip to K-Mart and $50 later a canvas roof was erected, which collapsed in the wind within a few hours. That was abandoned and green canvas sheeting was pegged down over the tent to help water proof further, which worked. It thundered all day and all night until they left. Trying to get a good night's sleep was impossible with the thunder, the neighboring tent playing 'We Are the Champions' at 10pm and then finally at 1am an industrial boat being towed into the harbour let rip it's fog horn. On the last day we ventured across to Newcastle itself on the ferry. It rained all day there as well, but I don't think sun would have made the town any less dismal. Described in the Lonely Planet book as a town created in 1801 to house Australia's worst convicts. Not much has changed, most of them now stay on our campsite and let their children run riot on scooters around the amenities block. Newcastle was dismal and empty. No places seemed to serve any kind of food for a Sunday lunchtime. Eventually a good steak meal was had, but set Tall and Small $60 back between them. After the meal they walked to Nobby's Head, a small hill at the end of a sand spit in Newcastle, not very exciting. Nor was the Queen's Wharf, shaped like a giant erect penis, which you could climb and view the terrible sights of Newcastle from the crown. Waiting for the ferry to cross back over to Stockton, a huge boat came towed into the harbour, and infront of us a man was fishing in the rain wearing sunglasses. Tall and Small were glad to leave and the planned three days sat by the beach had been three days sat inside a leaky tent as it bucketed down outside, they still enjoyed themselves though. Thursday 1st October Packed up and left the camp site heading for Sydney's Taronga Zoo. It was a boiling hot day, and Tall and Small got burnt. At the countet to buy tickets the man said it was $45 entry, but as we were using Mastercard we got 15% off that, he asked if we used Public Transport to arrive, we said no, he said that was a shame as we would have got another 10% off. The zoo was nice, although Tall and Small opted to not pay $20 to have their photo taken standing in front of a koala and not holding it. They fought their way round the zoo through school children groups with teachers giving speeches about Zebras, and then through the Bird Aviary through the barrage of young mothers and their force of children in buggies. After the zoo Tall and Small headed up to Palm Beach, North of Sydney – where Summer Bay in the Australian Soap, Home and Away is filmed. They walked around the beach for about ten minutes only as the parking for $4 for an hour!!? They saw neither Alf nor Sally, but recognized the lighthouse on the hill and the wooden fence posts by the sand. There was no cheap campsite to pay for this night, so they deicded to pull into a lookout point called North Bigola Beach Lookout where they thought no one else would come. At first lots of old women were there looking at whales leaping in the water off shore, without binoculars it was pretty hard to make out, but more impressive than the $65 Whale Watching paid for in Sydney. When it got dark Tall and Small cooked a stew and fended off long nosed rats called Bandecoots. Some strange people visited that lookout in the pitch black. Including a middle aged businessman and a young girl who would not stop talking. When he saw we were camped there, they spent 2 minutes at the lookout and fled away in their car again talking to each other like strangers. Later a young guy pulled up in his big car smoking a joint and was keen to know where we were from and how much our car cost. After he left Tall and Small drove the car back up to Summer Bay where they thought it a safer place to sleep in the car under Alf Stewart's protection. They found another campavan filled with Frenchmen and so stayed by them by Summer Bay. Tuesday 29th – Wednesday 30th September Due at Coff's Harbour on Saturday 17th October ready for work picking blueberrys that Monday, Tall and Small had over two weeks holiday ahead. First stop was north Sydney and a nice camp site called Lane Cove River Caravan Site. It was thirty degrees and they had just left snow in the Blue Mountains. The site had a pool and electric supply by the tent for an extra $2. Two nights were paid for, and Wednesday day time was spent just relaxing in the hot sun. A chicken lunch was made to which a Kookaburra flew and landed in the middle of the table right in front of Tall one and took some chicken and flew off. Tall one also celebrated this new leg of their journey by returning his hair colour to it's fake blonde glory. Only finding one box of the dye and not two, he showered in the morning and washed the dye out to find his hair mostly orange. After a trip to the shops no more could be found, but Small brought a Blonde Toner to try and some lemons to squeeze in?? Tall one sat for an hour with lemon juice hardening his hair, worried about ants. Went for another shower when he put the toner in. To find he now came out with grey side burns and light blonde crown. He went back in the shower and used the rest of the toner, which also turned his finger tips purple?? He came out to find the bleached had mostly faded and he now had a silvery, light blonde hair tone. Back in the sun he sat with another lemon in his hair. After an hour, he had yet another shower and was as wrinkled as a prune from all the water his skin had taken on that day. Tall and Small then went for a walk up a river track and saw an awful lot of big lizards, until they got fed up with the sight of them. Tall one then slipped over on a weir crossing a river, and fell in up to his waist, soaking his shorts with mud and cutting his knee and elbow. Back at the camp site that night, Tall and Small sat and watched two green parrots having sex in front of a young boy. That night Small one told Tall one that he should be more socialable and try and speak to more fellow travellers. Within the hour Small one came rushing back to the tent from the BBQ area saying “what have I done!? Tall one don't speak to anybody.....”. He had got talking to two strange men, who's wife turned up later and said how lucky they are to be on a camp site as they always exchange numbers with people and meet up later, and wanted to know all about Small one at Jenolan and his recent ghost story, as she previously lived in Oberon. Small and Tall hid in the tent for the rest of the night

PHOTOS OF THE BLUE MOUNTAINS

OUR FIRST CAR, SHEILA. SHE DIED AFTER 2,000 MILES

MIKE LOVES HIS ROAD KILL

ME AND MY FIRST ROAD KILL

10 MINUTES AFTER WE FINISHED THE 6 FOOT TRACK

THE START OF THE 6 FOOT TRACK

Bye bye Jenolan

Tuesday 29th September Small and Tall drove the car to Oberon garage via the (again) snow covered hills at the top of the mountain road - to get Sheila's electrics fixed. After sitting in a cafe eating pancakes and milkshakes for an hour and expecting another $200-$300 bill, Small one went back and was told it was all fixed and they only owed $5. Back to Jenolan and Tall and Small packed all their bags, they had had enough of the bumbling, witless Dennis, the slightly psychotic James, power hungry Marie with her teenage tantrums, the hygiene of the apprentice chefs, the noisy and smelly staff apartments, the bad stock, bad décor, bad workers attitudes in the Bistro, changing rostas on a daily basis, being called in on days off, getting no sleep and hating the foreign customers. They had to leave before 11.45am as the exit road was closed for two hours after that, as it is daily to allow tour buses down the narrow hill road. They made it there at 11.43am to find the barrier already down and the red light on. Nothing would stop them now, so they un-dramatically drove around the barrier and not through it. Stopping at the Jenolan Caves sign to take a last photo, and a 'we're leaving text' was sent to James at 5.30pm after the banks were closed and their wages could not be stopped for the previous week. A follow up e-mail was also sent to James and Dennis, listing all of their points for leaving. There only response when they were happy to turn the phone back on was a text from James saying “hey here, where did you leave the flat keys plse”. Jenolan was finally over, as long as the wages went in this Thursday. Thursday 24th September – Monday 28th September Our time at Jenolan Caves was getting tougher and tougher. The new staff had started in the Bistro but had only been put on cleaning tables and no training had been done on service counters. Training was asked for Tall and Small to do later in the week on the busy Saturday instead of earlier on the dead days. The Australian girl was over confident, calling everybody, Hun, Babe, okay Doll... she even told the other three staff members to listen up and she told them how she wanted the dish bay organized, it was her first week...! She even served coffees in the Bistro wearing her big, black puffer jacket as she was too cold. A nice bearded customer came out and told Small one that he ran two of his own businesses up north, a BBQ business and an Adult Shop. He said the mark up on Pornographic Magazines and Books was unbelievable! Small one served the man his Flat White and found something else to do. Later, Small one had a big argument with the old lady Bistro Manager, Norma. Who asked him to get stock at 4pm when he was due to leave. Small one pointed out that he was due to work in the restaurant in less than an hour and young Ben had been dicking around doing nothing for the last few hours, why was he not asked. She mocked Small one like a child and he told her to go fuck herself, to which she replied by calling him a 'bitch'. Small one left and Norma said see you next week.... Small one said, 'you wish'. Small one wanted to leave Jenolan, but Tall one persuaded him to stay, as only two weeks left. That Saturday was a hellish night, with Marie putting the new French guy, Julian in the bar with no English. Tables had the wrong settings for customers and food was very slow out the kitchen as usual. Small one still wanted to leave. Monday morning Small one was working in the restaurant on Breakfast whilst Tall one was in the Bistro. Tall one had a very bad day, being thrown into the busy hot food section with a French man and told to train him while customers queued out the door. There was no stock, no chips, burgers or ketchup and the rice with curry was more like clay, the lasagne like soup and the pies hard as rock. The French guy thought the gravy was ketchup. Tall one asked Small one if they could leave, and Small one was very happy. Small one had spent the morning talking to a physic woman who claimed the ghost of a small girl had been chatting to her in the night about the importance of room 210 in 1864.... the receptionist was going to point out that the building was not built until 1904! The psychic also claimed she'd seen an old woman and a man in a top hat shouting at her to leave them alone. Whilst in the empty restaurant with just Small one and her own son taking photos, the son showed his photo to Small one claiming it had a ghost in the reflection of the mirror. Zooming in it seemed to show a small woman with glasses and a tall man in top hat. Wednesday 23rd September Awoke to find the sky and the surrounding landscape covered with a red dust. The news reported that Sydney was engulfed in red dust as well, several dull Asian tourists were interviewed who said “they no see opera house it tooo dusty”. The dust settled in Jenolan and Tall and Small tidied the flat and headed out to Lithgow to get a haircut and get out of Jenolan. Up the top of the hill past the dead wombat, Sheila the car conked out and came to a stop by the side of the road, perhaps Ford were right. There was no signal to call the road side rescue, so Tall one had to hitch a ride back to Jenolan on a passing bus, the same company that brought Tall and Small in three months ago. Tall one phoned the car recovery company which they were not signed up to, but the previous owner still had in her name till Dec 2009. They never asked him his name, just car details, name on membership and where the car was. They said it would be about an hour at 11.30am. The road the car was on was closing due to buses between 11.45 and 1.15pm, and Small one was left alone in Sheila with no phone signal. Meanwhile Tall one alone in the flat heard stopping footsteps and giggling coming up the apartment stairs. Opening the door to eight teenagers making their way upstairs. Tall one asked where the hell they thought they were going, they responded by asking if they should not be in here then. Tall one said no and they left, them being the third occasion that tourists have walked into the staff flats as there is no lock or sign on the external door. Back at the car Small one waited until 2.30pm for a recovery car. He was cold and used the camping blankets in the car and at some point urinated in an old orange juice bottle. The recovery man said he could not fix Sheila and a tow truck was called, leaving the key to Sheila on her front tyre the man picked up Tall one and took them both to wait for Sheila at their service station in Oberon. Tall one tried to get a haircut whilst they waited, but the fat camp man in the empty hairdressers said they needed an appointment to wait in his empty waiting room. Tall one brought a 'PRIVATE' sign for 50c for the staff apartments. Back at the service station Sheila was not delivered until about 4pm, and the driver had said he found the key not on her tyre but in the middle of the road?? Tall and Small waited longer and longer and Tall one even finished his book he only started the night before. At 5.30pm Sheila was fixed and they replaced a pump for $366. The electrics had gone on the radio and fuel gauge though which would have to wait. Sheila was now eating money and Tall and Small were not sure what to do with her. Tuesday 22nd September Tall one and Small one were given two days off. They drove to Bathurst for the day when they saw a red fan light on in the car. Leaving a car at a Ford garage to check out the broken window, coolant leak, fan light and broken headlight at 11.am, they were told they'd be phoned once done. Tall one looked in a book shop for a while, on exciting he looked through the 50c rack outside. Firstly found a book called Deliverance, described as a camping trip that goes horribly wrong, filled with violence, murderous violence and sexual violence. Inside the book the camping trip was set over three days, the 14th, 15th and 16th of September... the exact three days that Tall and Small had done the Six Foot Track last week. A small white haired, hunched old lady was also by the 50c book rack and said to Tall one, “if it's adventure you are looking for you can't go wrong with Hammond Innes' she then walked off without further comment straight through the middle of some road works. Three builders called out to her and re-directed her back onto the path. At 4.30pm they had heard nothing from Ford and saw the car had been moved out back. They went in and the snobby bird told them there was $1200 worth of equipment to buy and another $400 of labour costs to fix the broken radiator and window. They at least fixed the light for $36. After Tall one picked Small one up from the floor they left. They did find in the boot the bottle of coolant that was full, had leaked with a bad cap, and seemed to explain what that leak was. They thought maybe they were okay for the car and Ford were con artists?? They saw a children's film called 'Up' at the cinema full of giggling and crying children. On the way home there were bad thunderstorms, and Small pulled in at a second hand car lot and spoke to a dodgy Turkish man about buying Sheila. He offered them $1,000 and Tall and Small went home. Friday 18th – Monday 21st September The sun had been a lot hotter the last few weeks and now the stock room behind the restaurant was covered with foot long lizards sitting in the sun. Four new staff members arrived. A Belgium called Steffan who arrived Saturday and was thrown straight in to work that busy night, but seemed okay. An Australian girl with her friend, a gay French guy who wore a trilby hat. Then a pleasant German blonde girl turned up. Jenolan were struggling to get staff so much they now have to scower the globe. Sunday morning Sheila and Tall did breakfast for 80 people. It was chaos where useless Dave the chef did not bring out the food for the buffet and spent all his time talking to little Ben the washing up boy. People came in and there were not enough seats, complaining about dirty crockery from Sam's bad washing up and lack of food at their buffet. There were numerous other problems I will not list, but Manager Dennis turned up in his shorts saw the complaints and ran out and hid. Later working in the Bistro, they had no chips, fish or burgers in stock. The same for the next day Monday when there was a huge rush of customers and lots of complaints that there was no food. Dennis was looking for staff to help on the busy morning, and Tall one managed to hide in the flat whilst Small one just flat out refused and said he had the shits. Tall one and Small one once more wanted to leave that day, and after a lot of discussion stayed, but only just. Four weeks to go. After a hideous lunch break where Huey the night porter came and spoke to them about how the cleaners had nits, he would not take Tall and Smalls unsubtle hints to go away, such as 'Michael get ride of him will you' ....'shoo..go away!!' Tall and Small hurried back to the flat to see their neighbour's smelly door open and Dave sitting blankly staring at his TV, while it played circus music. They still really wanted out of this cuckoos nest. Wednesday 16th – Thursday 17th September In the morning Tall and Small both ached very much. They had breakfast in the restaurant where James was covering for Marie looking stressed, and miserable Louise was having to actually work hard with the boss there. Food got from the bistro was greeted by the new Norma who was still being scarily nice to them, even randomly giving them photos of the Bistro refurbishments from 17 years ago when she was still there. Tall and Small then drove to Katoomba where they had just walked from, to return the police GPS Help Signal device. They discovered that Sheila the car was leaking something underneath and were quoted $300 at a garage just for them to look at it. On the way home they saw a good sunset at Mitchell's Ridge then run over a kangaroo by Jenolan Forest. Small one stopped the car and they turned around to try and find it. As they drove back up the road one was hopping happily along the edge of the kerb and none were dead. Not knowing if it recovered quickly or was dying slowly out of sight, they returned back to Jenolan. Still exhausted they went down for the staff meal in the kitchen, while they waited for it to be prepared they had to put up with the moronic questions and bullshit talk of the seventeen year old smell, Matt and Tara. When the staff meal was finally prepared it was shown to just be a salad. Dave said it was a 'Cesear Salad' even though it was very small, barley filled the bowl, and consisted only of lettuce, half a boiled egg and some pieces of breakfast's bacon. Small one was really not happy and wanted to leave very much. The next morning his thoughts were shared by Sheila (not the car) working breakfast, who said she'd been off for two days and wished she'd never come back. New guy Sam was working with her, and had managed to find a black tie and a very creased white shirt to wear. His mother, the pestering Joanne came in and had a swearing match with him, consisting of him telling her to Fuck off and her telling him he was fucking useless. It was not paradise at Jenolan caves, where supposedly the magic happens. At least it was nice weather and Tall and Small only had another four weeks rosters to come out before they left, if they made it through the busy October school holidays without quitting or being fired. Monday 14th – Tuesday 15th September A dreary goodbye from Louise the chef when getting bacon sandwiches from the kitchen, then Tall and Small were in the car getting a lift to the start of the 45km long Six Foot Track across the Blue Mountains. Driven by Ray, with Dave in the back smelling. Ray's $600 car stereo played very loud music, skipping badly and his driving at junctions was none to safe. An hour later Tall and Small were relieved to be walking back to Jenolan from Katoomba after a journey like that. Tall one carried the tent today, whilst Small had the sleeping mats and tin food. Starting at 9.30am it was a down hill decent through the forest over a lot of fallen trees. Through a long dusty road by some horses and lots of ants and finally up over and across some big fields in the Megalong Valley. Finally getting to Cox's River where they sat and ate lunch and an Echinda came out of the rocks and they took photos of it whilst Small one threw stuff at it and Tall one made faces next to it. Further up the river they crossed the the Cox's River Swing Bridge. Which was appropriately named as it swung a lot. Not long after that they arrived at the first camp site at around 4.00pm, 15 km from where they had started at Katoomba. They were welcomed at the camp site by some hooligans driving their car through the dirt road who then disappeared for the night. Small one paranoid of the big boys in the car and of unseen snake sin the grass made Tall one cross a river and make camp in a far corner. It wasn't till after they pitched tent and lit fire that they noticed they had actually crossed a two signs saying PRIVATE – NO CAMPING.... BUSHWALKERS TURN BACK, WRONG WAY. They spent a very worried night listening out for farmers approaching with guns. The next morning Tall and Small used the camping toilets that was maintained by hungry worms and briefly a lone German walker who brought no tent or sleeping bag spoke to them and went on ahead on the six foot track. Tall and Small were due to walk 21km today to get to the next campsite, Black Range Campsite. From the map they knew it would be mostly up hill. It turned out to be very very uphill. Consisting mostly of a very long and steep dusty road going up the Black Ranges, passing a few chocolate coloured Wallabies in the woods and removing shoes in iorder to cross deep rivers that were covering their track. Tall and Small were knackered when they had lunch and a crow swooped down a pinched their last ham and cheese sandwiches from their backpack. They got to the top of the Black Range Hill at about 1pm and still had another 10km along a straight woodland track until the campsite. They had run out of water and had started to drink the untreated rain water collected from the trough at the last campsite. They finally got to the Black Ranges Campsite at 3.45pm which was full of Kangaroos and said strictly no camp fires – the place looked more of a picnic area. A car full of muslims pulled p and asked where the nearest camp site was, Tall one and Small told them they were standing in it. They then decided as it was only another 8.5km down hill back to Jenolan Caves, they would carry on that night. At 6pm the sunset and they had to use their headlamps to see the path for the rest of the way back. At 6.30pm they were struggling down the very steep, narrow and loose gravel paths heading down the cliffs into the Jenolan Valley. Finally arriving outside the familiar hotel reception at 7.00pm. Tall and Small ordered beer, soft drinks, garlic and herb bread, packet of crisps, side of chips, side of potatoes and two beef stews (even though that's what they'd been living off over the camp fire). They were too exhausted to finish, and left the bowls of stew almost untouched. They had a long hot bath and fell asleep at 8pm. Friday 11th – Sunday 13th September The Three Day Hike on the Six Foot Track was drawing nearer. Working a busy breakfast with Sheila, Small was grabbed coming out of the toilet by James (not in a literal way). He was told to go and give his formal statement to the Insurance Investigator for Jude's 'Incident' that he never witnessed. The statement was typed out and Small handed it to Tall one to read. It did not smack of much professionalism, firstly stating Small's name as Shannon Hegarty instead of Conor. Followed by many bad typing and spelling errors and general bad English for all of Small's derogative comments about Jude (limping and crying about being in pain one second, then ten minutes later carrying oil drums in full stride). The middle of the day was mostly spent getting sun burnt on the apartment balcony. The weather was getting a lot better. The Hotel Guides had found a dead Platypus by the lake, they placed a sad notice around the hotel about it, but on an upbeat note said it's bones were to be put on display after it was examined. James will probably add it to his five meat stew. Saturday was a chaotic day after a quiet Friday night. Dennis cornered Small in the morning and asked (for the umpteenth time) to get him to recommend Jenolan Caves House to his friends for work. Small one decided to take this opportunity to point out the the Hotel Manager that he would never recommend this place to any of his friends, due to the staff laziness of the likes of Louise the breakfast chef, the terrible hygiene of Matt and Dave the apprentice chefs and listed other such bad notes. Dennis was left speechless. That evening Jenolan had arranged for a special Lords and Ladies theme dinner party, at $70 per head with meals including Quail and Pheasant, the Restaurant all decked out with paper lanterns, Guests dressed in Lords outfits and Victorian dressed, with Guide Manager Dan playing piano in top hat with Partner Domino singing Opera. After all the effort, only two guests turned up. Dennis ended up inviting Guide office staff along to bulk the numbers up so the evening ended up being an awkward, fancy dress waste of time and money for twelve members of staff and one un-comfortable couple. Supervisor Marie started getting on her high horse with Small one about him working an extra hour the night before, wanting to go earlier that night and nit picking some work. Small one answered her back all night until she had nothing left to say. Small one had been doing this all week with superiors, he seems to be trying to get fired so Tall and Small leave this hell hole earlier. Small one and Tall one wanted to underline how stupid Marie really was, by reminding of the time when she came running out the bar when Small and Tall were cleaning the restaurant and Small one made a screeching noise like cat in jest. She said all excited 'what was that noise?!'. Small one said it was a wild cast and pointed into the bar area outside. She got all excited and said, 'Really I always wanted to see a wild cat!”. Small one said it was headed down the corridor towards the Kanangra Boyd Function Room. She went running down the hallway all excited, forgetting the logic that how did a wild cat get into the front door of Reception, up the stairs and into the bar area, when there are not even Wild Cats living in this country??! She came back all subdued feeling like an idiot, this was our supervisor? Sunday was a day off for Small one, whilst Tall worked the Bistro. They were now due to start the three day hike the next morning leaving from Katoomba and walking the 45km track back to Jenolan. The chef Ray (a ball of depression now Laura had left) had offered to drive them in Monday morning. Small and Tall did a provisional pack on Sunday afternoon. They found with the sleeping bags, sleep mats, clothes, food, water, pots and pans and an enormous circular four man tent hung on their backs that Tall one looked like a One Man Band. Tall headed down to Hotel shop and brought some chocolate bar supplies for the trip. Unfortuantley he had to face that gentle, white haired lunatic woman who runs the shop. Who extremely calmly and nicely seems to plague them like they were celebrities every time she sees them with inane questions, conversation points and free map hand outs. “How are my two waiters doing?” “Oh the six foot track my husband ran that forty years ago, he wouldn't be able to now”.... just leave us alone! There's something just not quite right about her, and the shop is best left avoided. Tuesday 8th – Thursday 10th September Tall one's evening off and Small one working alone in the restaurant. It was quiet and the new Australian waiter and young Chef did a big clean of the kitchen. 17 year old hill billy Matt said confidently it was not needed as the place was spotless. It was far from spotless, and was filthy, hosing down the floor the water turned black within minutes, and washing under the counters half a dozen dead mice were dragged out. A fun day on Wednesday when Small one was lamed for not doing things that he was never told to do and Tall one had a day off, but was still asked to go work in the Bistro as (as usual) someone had phoned in sick. Tall one refused and Small one spent hours trying to convince him to leave that day instead of after the remaining six weeks. Norma in the Bistro was not happy about Tall's refusal, but Small told her how things were that they would happily leave tomorrow they way the place is being run and the way it is only Tall and Small ever called upon to make up for other people's laziness and incompetence. Norma was speechless and the next day Tall worked with her and she was scarily nice. Offering him a coffee upon entry and asking what time he'd like to work until, and telling the girls to do the donkey work and not him or Small for a change. Unfortuanltey there was an incident when Tall noticed that 12 boxes of Green Tea and six boxes of Power Ade Jucie had gone a month out of date, whilst shifting the boxes out of the back gas room (stock room) Tall's foot went through the floor boards and his leg disappeared up to his knee. No injury, but just another incident. Sunday 6th – Monday 7th September After another wonderful shift in the bistro Sunday daytime, Tall and Small drove out to Kanangra Boyd Walls again to camp for the night as a trial run for the Six Foot Track next week. Arriving at the free camp-site around 4pm, Tall and Small started collecting fire wood. As Small was arranging wood in the fire place a man camping a few bays up from them walked over and said with no preliminaries “now what I would like you to do is drive further down the road and collect fire wood down in a different area away from the site, I'm not a Ranger but that's what I would like you to do”. Tall and Small carried on collecting fire wood getting covered with ants in the process, whilst the weirdo stood in plain view of them doing some bizarre series of stretches. The fire went well, and sat in the dark running the torch low Tall and Small could see glimpses of a black furry thing with a tail running around the trees. Sleeping in the tent was very cold and a bit uncomfortable just on the foam roll outs. Monday morning they were still cold and re-lit the fire as soon as possible. They then travelled to Oberon then Lithgow where they spent $50 on a joint breakfast and all $200 tips money from the last two months on a torch, new sleeping bag and some other camping junk. Wednesday 2nd – Saturday 5th September Back at Jenolan and after the first shift following the camp trip away, Small one wanted to press the S.O.S. Device for a plane to come and rescue them from the moronic staff. The Food and Beverage Manager James now had more great ideas to go with the big refurbishment of Jenolan Hotel. This was to run the Bistro Cafe with Staff for free, by using local people from Oberon required to work a certain amount of hours a week for free in order to get their dole money.... It didn't seem the best way to Tall and Small to improve service in the cafe, not agreeing that people working for free would quite be as reliable as paid staff. The girls in the bistro gossiped all week about Jude who has now left her cabin in the woods. There was a threat that she was organizing a leaving dinner party for the Irish girl Laura's last week. The guide manager had asked Small one if he wanted to go for the meal, and he replied No, because Jude is a con artist. The manager didn't seem to impressed an a notice was pinned up in the cafe saying nobody was to discuss 'other members of staff''s insurance claims. It also seemed to Tall and Small that everybody in the hotel was related to someone else some how. With Marie seeing the manager James, Laura secretly seeing the Hawaiin chef apprentice Ray (who nosily have sex in the room above Small and Tall), Domino is married to the shy Cave Tour Manager Dan, who apparently had an affair with a tour guide, the miserable, lazy chef Louise is the ex-wife of one of the Maintenance men who is now seeing Bronwyn the receptionist, and half the of the youngsters here are either children or cousins of some other staff member. It's like a hideous episode of neighbours. Friday night was another cheap wedding, with forty people eating in the Bistro Cafe and listening to the Beach Boys during their speeches. Tall one managed to try some of the Restaurant special Crocodile dish for his staff meal, which was very nice, but did not taste like a crocodile. The next morning the wedding came in bleary eyed after their $2,000 bar tab. When the pink haired bride and nervous groom finished their breakfast they asked for their wedding cake that was stored in the kitchen. Tall one went to get it and James stopped him and said, “Before you give the Bride and Groom their wedding cake, just check inside the box to see if any mice got to it”. Tall one was a bit bemused at the thought that James did not think the cake had been stored away from mice all night, and half expected to find it stored by the dustbins next to a mouse trap. He was going to suggest if he found two dead mice in the box, perhaps they could be dressed up as a bride and groom and past off as cake decorations. That Saturday evening a couple and their child came in for a meal. Unfortuantley for them the Food and Beverage Manager James swarmed around them like a fly for the whole night. Boring them with his Hotel anecdotes and his personal ideas for improvements for the place. He even dragged them away from the middle of their meal to take them down to his un-impressive cave wine cellar. Which is basically a small selection of the wine stocked in the bar put in the corner of a cave. As Irish girl, Laura was leaving tomorrow and looking for fruit picking work to extend her visa, James past on the families details to her as they were looking for Blueberry picking staff at the end of October. Laura needed work sooner than that as she was off the next day so past the details to Tall and Small who were sett to leave on October 18th anyway. The couple told them they would be guaranteed work in Coff's Harbour near the top of NSW Region. Flat rate $16.70 an hour, cash in hand working five days a week, five hours a day as it gets to hot to pick berrys after that. Tall and Small were very happy. James came back and spoke to them all through their desserts and stopped them eating, he claimed they offered him a job as well in his restaurant and had been trying to get them to sign up for his terrible food delivery service Pyramid Scheme. With him, Laura and Tall and Small offered jobs by them, they thought they should think about renting a mini bus to get up there. Monday 31st August – Tuesday 1st September Small one and Tall one drove up to Kanangra Walls local to Jenolan Caves. It was a long dirt road 32km long to reach the big valley, passing much photogenic road kill and three digger tucks repairing the dirt on the road on the way. After a trip to the valley they headed yet again back to Katoomba to return season 5 and 6 of MASH to the rental shop and buy a cheap tent. As they would be going on a three day hike on the six foot track through the mountains in two weeks they decided to test run their camping skills in the camp site in Katoomba that night. Pitching the $30 at 5pm they found it to be a piece of shit which with poor assembly instructions and pegs which bent when hit into the ground. When put together it stood half collapsed in the wind. Tall one and Small one headed for K-Mart to buy another tent. They found for $80 a tent which rolled out of a bag and popped up ready to use. They decided to see how easy it was to use while still in the shop. It came out easy enough, but getting it back into the bag took about half an hour. In which customers and K-Mart staff walked past looking bemused. The security guard came up twice and told them it was not even a tent. Small one pointed out that the bag and the tag both said in big letters 'Four Man Tent'. The security guard shut his big mouth. Tall one suggested they read the instructions, which were helpful as it they then started again and got the tent back in the bag in 2 minutes. Back at the campsite it was now dark and while assembling the tent a tramp holding a frisby ran over to them and took five minutes to ask if they wanted to run around with him and some other tramps playing frisby as they were a few people short. Small one said (while still hammering the new pegs into the ground) 'No, we are busy'. The next morning the tent was surrounded by Kookaburra birds, and Tall and Small drove back to Katoomba stopping in Blackheath to get a GPS Tracking Alarm system for the Six Foot Track hike. Which in case of emergency could be set off to send a signal for airplanes to come find them. Friday 28th – Sunday 30th August Another busy, shitty Saturday evening in the restaurant. With a corporate group of forty from the Company Food Works drinking all day and all night and treating the place like McDonalds. The loud and obnoxious clan whistled for waiting staff to come and take their orders, to which Small one replied 'I am not a dog and you are not in McDonalds'. They also brought their own bottles of wine into the restaurant and cracked them open, Small one told them they have to pay a $15 per bottle corkage fee, to which they replied they were screw tops. Small one took their bottles and their full glasses and put them in the bar fridge, telling them they had to pay or get their wine back after the meal. It was only Lunch time and they were already half cut. They put in a complaint about Small one, who was advised it would be better if he did not serve them at Dinner time. Which made a change as the Hotel organizer had seen Small one twice that week to say he'd had good e-mail or comment card remarks. The dinner was still stressful, at least the Manager, James took care of the loud mouths. Now that the young chef Owens arm was fixed James would not be making a stressful mess in the kitchen. Although Marie still had a big argument with Owen over some duplicated main course orders which weren't even needed, which accumulated into bread rolls being thrown across the kitchen.