The Road to Melbourne

Wednesday 21st July 2010


Stopped in Geelong just outside Melbourne to try and paint over the rust in Tony with face paints? Brought a McDonalds and the blonde girl behind the counter got all giggly told Tall one he had a nice accent. Headed out of Geelong but was a little lost to get back to the highway. Small one stopped to ask directions from a man sat in his huge parked 4x4. He said, right and got out of his car and walked over, except he disappeared from sight when he got out, he was a dwarf. Small one didn't catch any of his directions as he was chewing back his laughter. Stopped again further up and asked another very short person directions. Everyone seemed short in Geelong. Then headed on to Melbourne and big city driving and living.

Tuesday 20th July 2010

Rain again, and stopped down the coast in Port Fairy for a nice bakery bacon sandwich and a coffee. Then down the Great Ocean Road. It was a lovely drive, it seemed to rain all the time we drove but would stop once we got to a lookout. The first few small stayed in the van with the engine running as he had really struggled to start that day. The Twelve Apostles turned out to be six, and even they were hard to count that much. Then the road became very windey and endless and slow, until we got to Aireys Inlet and walked up to the lighthouse use in Round the Twist and Mad Max. Stayed in Anglesea that night, a nice little seasise town. Big 4 quoted us $44 for the night, whilst another said just $31. Went with the cheaper and found it was a huge place, very clean, bouncy castle for kids, games room, tv room, kitchen etc etc But we were the only people there, did not see any other residents, very strange. Finished sorting through Tony and threw out a lot of clothes and packed everything into backpacks and bags ready for the move back into a proper room??

Monday 19th July 2010

Drove the next morning through a scary amount of vineyards – which made us feel ill at the thought of pruning that much. Back on the main highway and made it to Mount Gambier. Walked around a botanical garden in a natural sink hole which was nice, then on to the blue volcanic crater lakes where tall one cooked some pasta. Headed on down the coast to Cape Bridgewater hoping to see the seal colony of 650?? Only to find it was a 2 hour walk and the sun was going down. Went to the blow hole advertised instead which we couldn't see what they were talking about, but there was some huge wind farms to drive through. We noticed we had crossed the border into Victoria and realized it was the first state Tony had not broken down in. Found a rest area a little easier this time, it was this camp area in a wood a few km off the road. A lot of other people dotted about. Tall and Small cleared out the van ready to see and Small one set fire to all the offcasts, forgetting about the batteries and cans of spray which blew up.

Sunday 18th July 2010

Raining again. Drove to Glenelg beach in Adelaide and had a McDonalds breakfast. Headed on down to Fleurilou Peninsula to Victor Harbour. Thankfully the rain stopped on arrival and had a tiring walk up the Bluff lookout to look for whales, none. Had a subway in the main seafront town and then some strawberries, icecream and marang from a stand. Just out from Victor Harbour was a small island called Granite Island. You could catch a tram pulled painfully buy a Shire horse over the causeway or just walk. We walked. Brought our tickets for the wild fairy / little penguin watching tour that evening and then went round the island loop track. Infront of us was a bizarre Australian woman with two young foreign boys (one Asian) who she kept getting to pose for endless photos at lookouts and by rock sand trees, it became a little perverse as they clearly were not her young teenagers. Back at the penguin pier centre a wild seal swam round and round in the bay. At the ticket office Small one asked a woman how long the tour was, she said you have to buy a ticket. Small said, I already have my tickets, how long is the tour, she said again 'no no ou HAVE to buy a ticket HERE'. He said again, I HAVE ONE! She got the guide over and he said you have to buy a ticket here. Small one gave up, and listened to the tour guide with a white beard tell everyone how they could see whales at the next coastal town but would have to be quick as it was getting dark... As we all waitedf for the 6pm penguin start time Small one sued the toilet which didn't flush. We were then iver run by muslims who weren't paying for the tour but hung about anyway, after much effort by the awkward penguin guide they left.

Penguin guide took us around the corner and we watched two fairy penguins come in. He didn't allow any torches just his red lit torch which he really didn't shine on them for more than 5 seconds. We hen stood in darkness again while he went on and on about penguins, then another 5 second looking at them. It was still very good. Small one turned the flash on the camera on for a photo which he wasn't happy about though. Left by 7.30pm and drove for the main highway and some marked rest areas. It was thick fog and it got later and later as we past 5 rest stops which we couldn't find. Finally getting to a big one 2 hours later than hoped, it was empty and right by the highway. Small one slept nervously worried and jumping at any sound outside in the dark.

Saturday 17th July 2010

Walked into town via the zoo and park. The caravan park was very close to the city. First step on to the high street and a rat ran across our path, we then sent five minutes trying to take a photo of it as it cowered under a dust bin. Trams went about the city but were all modern, stopped at the big central fountain where three grown girls where jumping around in the foam bubbles like 3 year olds. Walked around the market and watched a man hitting a drum and a guy play a ssaxophone. Got our hair cut in a Spanish hairdressers. The young guy who cut Tall one's hair tutting how damaged it was, and then went on to be really fussy about cutting it. Trimming one area, asking what tall one thought, who said fine, then he'd cut again anyway. He did the same for small one. While Small one had his hair cut Tall one sat looking at the random photos of Roy Orbison and Bruce Lee on the wall while another customer at shaking in a massage chair next to him. A young guy got up for his hair cut in the second chair and asked for a professional and conservative haircut. Went to PJ Obriens for a Guinness and Small one phoned River Bend caravan park to send his license on to his friend Robs house in Melbourne, it was a painful conversation with her. It was a different woman and she read out the note let on the envelope 'he is a nice guy and is sorry for the trouble he has caused... please forward when he phones up'.

Friday 16th July 2010

Continuing on the outback road heading for Port Augusta, an Emu walked out infront of Tony on the road and Small one beeped the horn till he ran off. On the radio a man in WA was talking about all the flack and abuse he was getting from selling horses meat in his butchers, he mentioned how he wouldn't eat a jack russell, he loved his jack russell who past away only 2 weeks ago, then he began to cry. Brought some strawberry milk at a roadhouse but Tall one had no taste buds from the cold and it taste dlike snot, it went out the window. Made it through Port Augusta, an under whelming town with a lot of money wasted on a much hyped redevelopment. Headed on to Adelaide instead and drove through a small town called Dublin. Made it to Adelaide where the petrol costs dropped to 112! a litre, from 180 in the outback. Booked two nights in a caravan park to recover from colds. After checking in reception said wait at the phone box outside and someone will meet you? We waited in Tony only to have a balding, pefectly able man turn up in a golf cart and lead us to our powered site only 1 minutes walk away. We could have found it ourselves and he could have walked! Got showered and laundered and relaxed in the van in the rain. The little TV aerial picked up about 10 channels and Deal or No Deal was on.

Thursday 15th July 2010

Drove across the WA / SA border and hoped this would not be the 5th state in a row for Tony to breakdown in. 5 minutes in and a police car with a cop and a chubby partner pulled us over. Gave small one a breath test and asked again and again if we had any hash. We didn't know if they were buying or selling. Further on went through quarantine check where a foreign guy glanced about the car keeping the engine on this time, he asked ot see inside our cool box only to see it full of motor oil and coolant. Stopped at Nullarbor road house and brought a $15 chip buttey as well as had a $1 shower. A light aircraft was taking off for scenic flights of the barren landscape? At least the outback in the south wasn't as cold as the outback inland.

Wednesday 14th July 2010

Through Norseman the big junction before the long Nullarbor Southern Outback stretch. Through the straightest and longest road in Australian which was very under whelming (146km straight?). Tall one had a bad cold and small one fed him the dregs of a cough syrup, some lemsip flu tablets, antihistamines and some lozenges. Tall one felt dopey and drugged all day, barley able to keep his eyes open. Stopped at Balladonia Roadhouse to fuel up on the now expensive petrol. Someone had written on the wall of the Gents toilets 'HILARY CLINTON FOR PRESIDENT!'. Headed on through the Nullarbor with warning signs of camels, wombats and roos. A swarm of grasshoppers suddenly flew into the van, and splattered all over the windscreen and into the engine. Then over taking a huge boat on the highway they stopped at another roadhouse to clean off the dead bugs. Stayed at another quiet rest area.

Tuesday 13th July 2010

Left Denmark in the rain, stopped briefly in Albany for shopping before arriving in Esperance. Supposed to be a lovely, white sands little beach town – it was pissing down. Even the Pink Lake we drove to looked grey, and the local seal had even disappeared in the bad weather. Followed the highway on and through Ravensthorpe looking for the famous 1800km rabbit proof fence in the rain. Every fence seemed to have mesh on though. Drove behind a huge road train which seemed to blow a tyre and drive 5km up a hill before we over took him. Found the rest area north of Esperance which was enormous and empty, until a couple turned up later and chatted the same rubbish the old couples usually do, bless 'em.

Monday 12th July 2010

Was due to work today but had text Bryce again and said no thanks we are off. Dropped off our tools and pay slips at the vineyard site from Friday where the big Italian guy Michael had no idea we were leaving. It then rained very hard with hale and thunder and lightning all bloody day again, after having sun all weekend. At least we weren't working in it this time, and it made us think we had made the right choice to get the hell out. More rentals in town and sat in the van in the mud on the Internet all day. Watched for 20 minutes as a four by four towed a caravan into the slippery muddy grass site next to us and almost hit our van. He made a few attempts from different angles while his wife dressed like a man stood about with a sour face and crossed arms. Small one had to get out and shout for him to stop back up just in time before he hit our van. He then had it in the perfect place by their concrete slab after much wheel spinning. Then decided to spend another 15 minutes backing out and in again to get into a position no more than 2 inches different to what he had already had.

Sunday 11th July 2010

Woke up to the smell of Chinese food and lay in the van all morning wondering what to do for work as Small one could not prune anymore. The weather was fine again and drove to the Ocean Beach in Denmark and watched the few crazy people wading in the ice cold, but clear blue waters. On the way back stopped at Monkey Rock which was a tiring climb but had good views around Denmark. Brought a dodgy steak to cook on the way home and got some DVD rentals. Decided to cut our losses and go to Melbourne where at least we would be in the right place to renew the van's rego when it expired, opposed to leaving a job here early to get there and then having to find another job. Phoned Bryce who was hideously nice about it and tried to convince Small one to use electric shears on the grapes to save his hand, why couldn't he just say GO!!! The woman in the caravan park was also excessively nice and chatty saying she'd forward on Small one's new drivers license once we knew the right address.

Saturday 10th July 2010

Today was a lovely sunny day, Small ones hand still hurt. Drove 50 km to the nearby town of Albany. It was very nice, nice old building, trees, streets and water view. Went into a bookshop and brought a pocket guide of Moscow for the stop over flight. The bookshop was very weird. A hideously over enthusiastic employee was talking to a customer about Twilight, how she knew those books were something really special, and that she'd find them in their 'Paranormal Romance' section?? At the till to pay for the Moscow book another hideous woman noted the book and said how she had gotten 'locked up' in Moscow. We asked why and she said she arrived with young men who were smuggling contraband at the time?

Went to the local cinema and saw Toy Story 3, in which a strange old man was sat on a stool looking confused by the toilets. It turned out he was collecting tickets as you went in. He took ours from us and Tall one asked 'do we get them back?' he just said 'No' and kept staring into space on his stool. Went back into town and up to the big lookout. Parked at the car park halfway up as a sign said only disabled people and bus drivers beyond this point. Was then swamped by black crows trying to get to a sticky bun small one was eating, one even flew into the windshield when it saw the food. After the crows headed up the tiring hill climb only to find everyone else (who weren't bus drivers or disabled) had driven to the top regardless.

Left Albany via a coastal road, past a fence which everyone seemed to have hung their socks on and a warning sign for tortoises on the road. Back to Denmark through a nice sunset and a big Chinese takeaway from town from the dismal looking restaurant decorated with one newspaper poster of an Asian girl in front of Big Ben.
Friday 9th July 2010

Even worse day than yesterday. Started work and followed Bryce's directions to a farm for 7.30am. Drove up and down the road for half an hour before phoning him outside a place which fitted the description but had a big, colorful sign with a different name to the one he gave us... he said that was the one. Nobody else was there and everyone turned up 15 minutes late. A big Italian guy named Michael was sent by Bryce to show us what to do, they seemed to think we had lots of experience pruning grapes (we exaggerated a little to get the job...) so their instructions were quick, and about taking off the two buds and leaving the four inches and the down spurs....??! Tall and Small looked at each other and looked worried. Got through the day blagging the pruning, Bryce came up and made a joke how he was teaching people on another farm how to prune who had never done it before and said it was hopeless.... He still had not gathered we didn't have a clue what we were doing. Here were only another three or four people working who were all a little clicky, and all seemed like local Australians.

It started raining in the morning and didn't stop all day. Asked Michael if the weather was always like this, he said yes. It then turned to hale, and finally after lunch was thunder and lightning. Michael called the day short at 3pm, and Small was about ready to give up anyway as his right hand had buckled from all the work. Trying to leave Tony got stuck on the farms water logged lawn and the tyres spun. Big Michael helped push him out and we trudged back to the caravan park. We were soaked, the grass and van were soaked, and there was no where to dry out and sit in the warm. Thought about getting Chinese delivered from town, and small phoned the number on the website and asked if they delivered, to be told 'this is a fuel station...'. It was to wet to get out the van and cook so they stayed sat inside living off crackers and biscuits which they could reach. Small one did not think he could prune again as his hand hurt so much, he even struggled to drive the van back. It certainly did not seem like the most perfect job after rushing down here to get it. Bryce had also said that we are paid 60cents per vine we prune and we just kept track of how many ourselves and let him know how many?? When asked how often we get paid he said oh its every two weeks or at the end of the month or something? It would be very interesting working for this man it seemed.

Thursday 8th July 2010

Was due to start work today, but Bryce phoned aqnd told us he was very sorry and the farmer does not know HOW he wants his vines pruned? So maybe start tomorrow once sorted out. It was a cold morning and the low pressure showers covered with 'DON'T TAKE LONG SHOWERS' signs don't help – particularly when the slightly dappy woman minding the place for 2 weeks always seems to be hanging about outside with a stop watch.

While Tall and Small ate breakfast the minder woman walked around their van making the usual painful small talk whilst picking up dog crap. She apologized and said that it seemed our van site was the favorite toilet spot for all five dogs she was walking. We didn't enjoy our breakfast.

Had a much wanted day of doing nothing but sat watching DVDs and going on the internet. It turned out to be very depressing. Started a fire using all the parks free wood and then it rained. Took a walk round the back of the park and saw they had a very lonley sheep which desperately ran over to anyone walking past. It was a grim day.

Wednesday 7th July 2010

In the morning Small one went to the RTA and asked to transfer his NSW license to WA as it was going to expire next month anyway. The young girls didn't quite seem to know what they were doing and cut up his present driving license and gave him a piece of paper to take away. They said they'd post out the license and if it didn't work to let them know as they don't do this very often. Another $50 breakfast in town and then Small one brought a Technicolor dream coat hoody from a local Eco-Clothing shop? Food shopped in the only supermarket, IGA and went back to the park. Spent the afternoon touching up the tiger stripes on Tony and incorporating the new rust patches into the stripe design. There was talk of 6 inches of rain despite the fact there was no cloud in the sky. As Small one made a nice camp fire the farmer, Bryce phoned and said to be ready for work at 7.30 next day and reeled off a farms address very quickly. At least they had work again, but it was bloody cold.

Tuesday 6th July 2010

Was woken early by work men arriving to do some kind of work we couldn't quite tell what. Drove through Margaret River where we saw rain for the first time in 3 weeks. Had another breakfast / lunch out in a nice cafe and headed on to Pemberton.

In Pemberton stopped at Gloucester Tree, where we had to pay $11 entrance to see a 64 metre high Kauri tree which was advertised as having a spiral staircase to climb up. All it had was these metal bars protruding round the outside o the top. It said no children but families were sending the kids up anyway, it was very dangerous. We got about 10 metres up before coming back down. Luckily there was some parrots about which a family were feeding. We took some feed from the box on the bench not realizing it was the mother of the families. The parrots came and ate out our hands, and at least that was worth the $11.

Down the highway more to The Valley of the Giants. Got there just before closing and went around the tree stop walk, which was a suspended wire bridge around the high red tingle trees. It was quite good, but nothing too exciting. Headed on to Denmark afterwards when it got dark. Had the name of the River Mouth caravan park only 1km walk to town. In the dark however followed the sign for a River Bend caravan park which turned out to be 2km outside of town, thought we'd just got our facts wrong. The after we had checked in to this very small, homely park we realized it was a different one to the one we had thought, but had paid for a week now. At least here was quiet and had good camp fire spots (we were the only people on the powered or unpowered sites). Drove back into town and brought a dodgy pizza for $18.

Monday 5th July 2010

Left the cousins to look around Fremantle. Developed the Coral Bay underwater camera photos to find Tall one had managed to avoid taking a picture of his thumb this time. The town was very nice, with small cobbled streets and boutique shops. An expensive breakfast was had then Small one brought two books while Tall one brought none. The only negative thing about Fremantle was the bearded man sitting on the road outside Hungry Jack's who shouted at Tony as we drove by.

After lunch went to Perth itself through a nice view of the city in King's Park. It was a nice city, not dissimilar to the others, but had some nice side streets. Small one complained all day that he was dying from a cold however. Back at the van and Small tried to phone their wok contact Bryce in Denmark where they had been promised grape pruning work. No answer to the calls or text all day. Heading south from Perth Bryce finally called back and said work was all still on down in Denmark to he'd call us Wednesday afternoon. Leaving Perth on the main highway, there seemed to be about half a dozen cars all broken down on the side of the road.

Heading south passing a lot of rest areas by the side of the road, none of them had ANYBODY staying there. Finally went into one 25km north of Bunburry and stayed the night there despite being the only car present – a change from the packed rest areas in the outback. There was no toilet and the grass areas were littered with crap stained toilet paper. A cold nights sleep with locked doors.

Sunday 4th July 2010

Stopped at a pointless lookout that morning called Molah Hill lookout and had winter vegetable soup for breakfast. Sat eating wrapped in blankets, gloves and hats like two old people it was so cold. Drove down to the Pinnacles Desert and found the rangers station closed on a sunday but asking for a $11 donation in an envelope with car details. There was only a $20 note in the car and they thought they'd skip it but took an envelope anyway. Five minutes into driving around the very impressive desert of six foot high lime stone towers a ranger came along and asked where our paid ticket was. We played dumb and drove quickly round the rest of the desert and made it out, seeing that the office was now opened and another ranger was emptying the donations with number plate details of paid visitors already.

Drove towards Perth now behind three Wicked camper vans. The scenery was all green hills now and was a good difference from the outback. Stopped at a petrol station where small one knocked his expensive camera on to the concrete when lifting the seat to get to the engine. The camera broke and for a change it was not tall one that broke something.

Made it to Fremantle just south of Perth to stay with Small one's cousin for the night. The town was packed and there was no parking for the markets so went straight to the cousins house. Both were dying for a pee as previously on the long outback roads you could pull over anytime and just go, but not in the City. The cousins house was very nice and they were treated to a steak dinner. They went to sleep early in the van with electric blankets on, whilst the cousins went to see Bill Bailey in Perth.
Saturday 3rd July 2010

Woke up early and left the isolated camp spot before it even got light, and managed to drive to Monkey Mia via Denham in Shark Bay. An hour early for the wild dolphin feeding Small one cooked breakfast which was broccolli and cheese pasta..... The Irish couple from Coral Bay had got there before us and the girl told Tall one that there were dolphins in the bay right now. Tall one walked down to look and saw three right by the shore. One seemed beached as it just lay on its side in the water not swimming, with its eery eye looking up at him. Found our later that she always did this to get food and was nursing a baby dolphin in the shallow waters. The ranger moved the early lookers back and said come back at 8am as they did not want the dolphins in the shallows yet.

By 8am the rangers path overlooking the beach was packed with families and screeching kids and Asians with video cameras. When the head ranger said to come down to the shore now people literally ran to the edge, even though there was plenty of room. She spoke of the dolphins and they followed her like dogs to heel in the knee deep water, as she waded up and down the crowd. Then a few volunteer workers came out with buckets of fish and selected people from the crow to come out and feed the dolphins. Despite Small one's frantic waving, the volunteer picked children only – it seemed Small one was not small enough. They left after an hour and had managed to pay $14 of the asked $16 donation.

Stopped at Shell beach full of tiny cockle shells up to 10 metres deep, and then on to Geraldton. On route were amazed to see green fields for the first time in weeks as well as fences holding cows and goats in, and not swerving round them.

Geraldton was a nice enough town, the Irish couple were there again. Tall and Small were starving and wondered around town looking for somewhere to eat. They brought a magnet from a man who could not stop shaking and refused help in hanging the magnets back up when he shoke half of them off the rack. Food was in scarce supply, and everywhere seemd very expensive. Finally after walking round the whole town found a place called Dome right next to the car and had a beef lasagne and wedges for $50!! Tall one went back for a cake to find the deli counter with no customers and three people behind the till. He asked for a cake and pointed to the one he wanted infront of him. They took the money and asked for his table number – he said no just to takeaway now please and pointed again to the cake right infront of them in the display case. Then the cashier asked what his name was...? He gave his name and then waited and waited while she wrote out a docket and hung it on the orders line then she stood there and waited. Five minutes later somebody gave him his cake.

Drove down towards Perth, and onto a coastal road south of Gerladton. Where a nice campsite at Cliff Head was found for free. Parked right overlooking the ocean and the woman in a caravan near us said dolphins had been there all day throwing crabs about? Then the sun went down over the ocean, though it may have been an oil rig.

Friday 2nd July 2010

Woke up absolutely freezing. Wished we had paid the extra $5 for an electric site. Parked by the beach front and had a walk up the very very empty beach at 8am wearing fleeces which looked out of place amongst the white sands and clear water.

Hired a wetsuit, snorkel and floating noodle from the hut on the beach which he seemed to charge us half price for. It certainly wasn't a deliberate generous gesture as the guy had a very condescending manner about him when we asked if we could have floats and said we didn't need flippers.

Paddled about 40 metres out to the coral. The water was glass clear for about 30 metres out and only knee deep, then suddenly it turned dark blue and dipped away 3-4 metres deep. The water was absolutely freezing as well and Tall and Small floated quivering and clumsily around the dark coral. I wasn't as pretty as Great Barrier Reef, but there were some nice bright blue fish and striped angel fish.

Small one then saw a huge sting ray or it may have been a manta ray – which Tall one only glimpsed. After that he didn't want to go back into the water and sat chatting to an Irish couple while shivering dry on the beach.

It wasn't till about 10.30 that the beach started to fill up, and at about 11.30 Tall and Small left and snuck back into the caravan site to warm up using their hot and clean showers (the public ones were hideous). Waited forty minutes for a fish and chips and a kebab for Small, then headed back on road for Shark Ba via Carnarvon.

Stayed in Carnarvon an hour so Small one could get his internet fix – it was a pleasant enough town with a nice esplanade with Palm trees – but then again all the towns seem to have that. Headed off towards Shark Bay – had not left much time and soon Small was driving in the dark. The road was very harzardous in the dark as it seemed covered with roaming goats, sheep and they had a close called with a kangaroo which Small one managed to slow in time. These whole outback highways seemed to be full of carnage, littered with dead animal bodies and lined with little human death memorials.

Stopped at the junction to Shark Bay at the Overlander Roadhouse – where in the dark the toilets were well hid right at the back of the site through some water tanks, apartments and laundry. A strange bearded man sat by the garage self appointed at giving bad directions to the toilets. Up to Shark Bay and the smaller road seemed to have no animals to run over but was still pretty black. Finally found the un-signposted camp site (from the expensive Camps 5 book) at Whalebone Bay. Driving up unsealed road towards a cliff edge could not see any other campers, then out the shear blackness we spied to campervans and went near them.

Thursday 1st July 2010

Drove all the way down to Coral Bay, past a huge bloated dead bull by the side of the road and along some very tedious roads through rugged grassland. Drove through a small town called Roebourne in which a huge train went past and took about 15 minutes to clear the crossing. Arrived to find it a very very nice place, but nowhere to stay for free.

On route Tall one had somehow managed to break the flat screen tv in the van by knocking it off its stand, so half an hour was spent screwing it in using door hinges and $7.50 screws. Decided to book into the caravan park for unpowered site at a huge $30 cost. They put us right next to the kids playground which was full of screams until dark. Made a cup of tea and on the first sip realized we had used the bore saltwater tap that the receptionist had mentioned – chucked it straight out.

Walked around the lovley beach, with its white sands and clear turquoise waters, ending by seeing a nice sunset. Phoned an advert for kayak and coral snorkelling tours and Small one asked if they provided any floats for not very confident swimmers, they ladies response was 'well this probably isn't the tour for you.... try the glass bottom boat (with the small children, over 60's and disabled people). Had an early night listening to the yute of young Aussies drinking all night next to us.

Wednesday 30th June 2010

Drive to Port Headland across a very boring boring stretch of outback road. Looked for the famous rabbit proof fence that started here and ran right down to south WA – but never saw it. Port Hedland was a dismal, flat, industrial town filled with factories, road trains and big heaps of ore. Shopped at K-Mart for a solar charging light for the van (and Small one brought 14 year old boy's swimming shorts and jeans which were still to big) and then (through Harvest Hotline) phoned a farm in Denmark (south of Perth) and confirmed we could start grape pruning work on Monday 12th of July for 6 weeks. The farmer went to the effort of phoning us back to tell us we could come later as he thought we shouldn't rush down and miss Coral Bay, Karijini National Park (which we weren't going to anyway) and Shark Bay etc etc. Hopefully that holds up. Stopped at a rest area 100km south of Port Hedland where the bush toilet is almost overflowing... love these toilets.
Tuesday 29th June 2010

That morning went to Broome's Cable Beach and sunbathed most of the morning on white sands, clear waters and hot sun. Afternoon saw the camel trecks set off up the beach before sun set. Travelled up to the Gantheaume Point to see the red coloured rock formations on the cliffs. Didn't stay for the nice sunset over the rocks as a strange, very drunk, bloated gay couple turned up in a Wicked Van (one of which seemed to have had some operation on his gut) and made the place very unappealing. Brought the Camps 5 cheap and free camp stop book in town for $54! Which had been recommended by everyone we met, the book shop owner asked Tall one if he wanted a bag or if he just wanted him to chuck the book on the floor..... huh?..... cause that's where it'll end up.... oh right. Left Broome as it got dark and headed for a rest stop 140km south. Driving in the dark the highway was lined with frozen wallabies in the headlights, after seeing 10 or more all in the same dazzled position we wondered if infact they were garden knome like decorations put up the highway.

Monday 28th June 2010

Left very quickly when we saw the crazy old man with Kokoda stories wondering round in his huge Manunited boxer shorts. Headed to Broome and found that the closer we got the less the drivers waved back to us – infact one driver responded to Small one's friendly wave by going to the effort of hand signalling the sign of cock sucker to him.

Arrived in Broome that afternoon and booked into an expensive caravan site. The woman was useless and despite telling her we had a campervan she asked how big is it? I said again a campervan (they are all the same) she insisted I look att he site before we drove in incase it was too small. It was huge, big enough for two campervans. Back at reception she asked if we had a trailer or a dog in the back? No, just a camper van.... the next customers also went through he same rigmarole. The site we were at seemed to be right in the middle of all the rough local van sites, and the toilets always seemed to be full of men hocking up snot and spit in the shower or cutting there hair in the sink and leaving it there. That night they had the Staircase to the Moon (which happens every full moon between March and October) where because of the mud flats it appears the moon rises and creates stairs in the reflections in the wet mud layers. People packed in with chairs (as well as a market) to watch, and it came up through the clouds bright red at first, and it was nice enough (little bit of an anti climax after all their hype though) and photos were hard to capture it.

Sunday 27th June 2010

That morning headed out early for the next rest area to use the toilet – which turned out to be a car wreck of a toilet – this bizarre paper mache base with no seat but caked in historic turds. Further west on the Great Northern Highway and past the Bungle Bungles turning which was too far off track to stop at. Past Wolfes Creek turn off also too far to go to and unsealed. Tall one found a lovley colourful magnet for the place at Halls Creek though. Drove past lots of cows on the road and stopped at a road house for a Crunchie Ice Cream where lots of Aboriginal children seemed to be getting out of a cage on the back of a trailer? Stopped finally at a nice rest area called Mary Pool. It was over a huge river whichw as dry as a bone and the campsite had big cattle roaming around amongst everyones vans.

The place had no backpackers of campervans and only seemed to have over 60's in caravans. Got stuck talking to a few who would not leave us alone, going on about Uncle Henry in WWII who saved Englands behind, and then there was Uncle Edward at Kokoda who saw how rough the Japs were really living.... Another fella came over and seemed to be telling every caravn about a moon eclipse that night he'd read about in yesterdays paper, and to look out for it that night. We said that there was one last night (or half of one). His response was 'no no THIS is when the earths shadow PASSESS infront of the MOON' we thought we had descended back to childhood and told him we knew what an eclipse was as we saw one last night.... He got worried that he had mixed up the days and went round all the caravans apologizing for the mix up.

Saturday 26th June 2010

Driving into the outback heading west this time. Back to no showers and staying at dodgy rest stops with bad toilets. Passing a lot of these tourist camera opportunity signs which turn out to just be a stone memorial (literally just a pile of stones) for some unknown person.

Stopped at Timbre Creek road house to cook food where a vus of very old people came in and swamped the shop. For some reason Small one went to use the toilet and did not see the mens so snuck into the ladies. Thankfully no old lady saw him and heart attacks were avoided. Next stop was the Northern Territory / Western Australia Border Crossing. Here we had to be searched and questioned by customs looking for people smuggling fruit and honey across spreading flies and disease. We made it across the border but Tony would not start. Battery was dead AGAIN and we pushed him across the border to a side parking. No phone signal but they let us use there phone and NRMA sent out a mechanic from Kununurra (the next town). He said that as we were 43km out from him we had to pay for (the usually free) service, as his one way trip is only to cover 40km – so for an extra 3 lousy km each way we had to pay $30. The guy asked on the phone if we needed a tow truck or if he could fix it on site – we said how would we know we are not mechanics – he brought the tow struck. Two hours later he turned up and took one look at the battery and saw the man on crutches who fitted it had not tightened the connection with a spanner or cleaned the connection (which was mucky). He swore and was pissed off how useless the limping man was and took five minutes to clean and re-fit the battery then all was good. We haggled his extra charge down from $30 to $20 and one bottle of beer.

Now in Western Australia the time difference was changed again to an hour and a half behind, We also realized Tony had broke down in all four states so far (Coffs Jetty in NSW, Floods in QLD, Outback in NT and border in WA). Headed though Kununurra which Lonley Planet described as a nice, pretty little town. We thought it was a hell hole and did our laundry in a bizarre key coded room at the back of a BP garage. 10Km outside the town found an un-signed rest area absoloutley full of people and very very noisy, managed to stay there the night. There was a half eclipse of the moon as well which was not all that exciting, but it was there all the same.
Friday 25th June 2010
Drove to Nourlangie where we past a real mangie looking dingo on the road and a dead buffalo in the wood. Nourlangie was more buggery painted like a colouring book on rocks, was still good though. Half of Kakadu seemed to be on fire however, which apparently was to prevent real bush fires in the proper dry season by setting alight now. We past some flames six foot high by the road, and went over a bridge where a whole field was ablaze with smoke seen for miles. It was hard to tell how controlled these controlled fires were.

The highlight of Kakadu was the boat trip at Yellow Water. It was for an hour and a half for $64 each, and all the walking trails there were still off limit anyway so boat was the only way in (as the wet seaosn waters had not fully gone down). Saw heaps of bird life up the wetlands rivers, egrets, jabiru storks having sex in a nest, spoonbills, magpie geese, whistling ducks with golden feathers and the highlight was the five wild saltwater crocodiles. Two we saw bathing on the banks and the other three swimming past the boat in the water. The boat got right up next to them. The boat driver said how the boat was fitted with life jackets if we sunk, however this was a waste of time as the salt waters crocs would kill us anyhow....

Made it out alive and back at the snotty hotel resort we started at sneeked into the caravan park and had a free shower ands filled our water bottles. Headed back to Katherine and crossing a river at Pine Creek saw a wild crocodile way down basking on a dry part of the rivber bed.

Past the supposed historic railway bridge in Katherine which someone had graffitied the words 'Jesus Love Nachos' along the side. The town was rough as last time and we did a small food shop and left just as a crazy shouting aboriginal man was being led out of a shopping mall by two fat policemen and a third on a horse?? Stayed at a rest stop just a few km west of Katherine next to a campervan with a french couple travelling with a random girl from Tawian who was clearly doing there heads in. None of there english was very good which made it even more painful, but the night there was much cooler than Kakadu.

Thursday 24th June 2010

The night at the picnic area was hideously hot and full of mosquitoes. Compared to sleeping in fleeces and sleeping bags in Alice Springs, here we just lay in underwear with the door open, but still struggled to sleep in the exhausting heat and incessant buzz of mozzies.

Up the road that morning stopped at a walk called Mamukala. There was a ranger talk which happened to be starting when we arrived. We followed her for 20 minutes in which we progressed 5 metres round the 3km loop track and she bored us to death with stories of her little brown bird she had seen. We said we'd go on ahead and by the time we got round the whole 3km loop they were barley starting.

Then on up to Cahills Crossing on East Alligator river, where it is supposed to be full of crocodiles. We saw none but did see a van precariously crossing the river. Up to Ubirr rock where we walked around the aboriginal rock art. The style was somewhat playschool and Small one suggested it may have been done yesterday with crayons and not 3000 years ago. The stories listed with most of the drawings seemed to explain them as stories of incest or bigamy... Great for school projects.

Stopped at Jabiru the little town resort and had a dodgy meat roll. The place was full of aborginals hanging about looking lazy. Then on to the camp site where the tent was erected to have a cooler nights sleep (the tented never opened given to us in Whitsundays by the french girl we gave a lift to in the Miriam Vale floods – the tent was still wet). It was a cooler night but could not sleep from sleeping on rock hard ground. On the radio we had also heard that Australian Priminster Kevin Rudd had resigned – so no more of his casual chats with Sunrise's Koche.



Wednesday 23rd June 2010



Spent the morning and early afternoon in Darwin at the fancy and well hidden Wharf Precinct where much skin was burnt in the sun. Free shower before we left and on the road to Kakadu National Park.

Driving into Kakadu there was numerous signs for Crocodiles which the locals seemed o have shot at with shot guns. The guide to the park showed there were bush camping for $5 on the road in but none was found. Topped up petrol at Aurora resort and asked about bush camping to which the woman sarcastically said 'no I know nuthin 'bout bush camping does anyone else? You can stay 'ere though for $30...'. They moved on and 20km down the road saw three big caravans parked in a picnic area by Sout Alligator River. It didn't saying camping or no camping area so we parked up between the vans and a strange German man, who at first seemed a bit rude then came over and chatted. The place was full of white parrots which only stopped screeching when Small one asked them to. We thought if a ranger came along to fine us we would shout that the two caravans behind us had been illegally emptying their chemical toilets in the bush toilet here and the German infront had a dog in the car which was not aloud...??

Tuesday 22nd June 2010

Spent the day in Darwin town centre after having mash and one egg for breakfast – randomly donated by the sour faced woman leaving from the site next door. Caught the bus into town and asked for a day return ticket for $5. The bus driver said 'yeah you could do that but its a waste of money, you can just by a single for $2 and that also works as a return ticket within 3 hours, or if you need longer just buy another single for $2....'. It all made no sense at all, so we brought a $2 ticket to get in and a $2 to get back instead of one $5 ticket??

Wondered round the city which was very hot. Its a nice city, lots of aboriginal art hung about which was very expensive, watch two old abo women painting in a bookshop, squat crossed legged on the floor? Walked up the esplanade park where it was hard to tell which people were actually tramps and which were just scruffy bearded men sleeping on the grass on lunch break.

Went to the Aqua Scene fish feeding frenzy on Doctors Gully road. $11 to get in and feed the fish for as long as you want. They had huge milk fish, hundreds of diamond scaled mullet fish and some cat fish. The place heaved with school kids which was hideous, but when it got quiet you could stand knee deep in water and have them eat bread from your fingers. After that a long walk up the park past more mysterious sleeping people on a rough beach, and found a well hidden (but huge) wharf precinct. With two big free pools, one with a wave machine and plenty of clean fresh grass and palm trees to sit by in the sun. Decided to come back there tomorrow and so spent $4.00 on two Moroccan sausages and went home?