Everyday is a new adventure

Tall one and Small one met in New Zealand, in the kiwi fruit orchards of Tauranga back in early 2009. From there spent 2 years travelling across Australia together; penniless in Sydney, 15 hour shifts in a Blue Mountains Hotel, picking Blueberries with spiders in Coff's Harbour – watermelons with snakes in Charters Towers, pushing their campervan, 'Tony' through the flood waters of Miriam Vale, breaking down in every state through the outback, and working and drinking side by side in an Irish Pub and Backpackers in Melbourne.

Across the globe through Vietnam, Thailand & Moscow before spending a year in Canada; through the seasons in Toronto, 35 hour Greyhound buses across the provinces, dog sledding in the Rocky Mountains, shovelling 3 foot snow in the Yukon, Kayaking in Haida Gwaii, sharing a beer among the icebergs of Newfoundland and spotting whales in Nova Scotia.

Before returning to New Zealand in Oct 2012 to live the beach life in Mount Maunganui, experience the earthquakes of Wellington and finally getting married on Te Ahumairangi Hill, Wellington in Oct 2013. Finally on 2nd Oct 2013 they embarked on an 80 day honeymoon back across the globe, through the south island of New Zealand, up to Singapore, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand and finally through north India before returning to Ireland, where they are now attempting to make a home in Galway. Many miles travelled together, many sights shared together, everyday is the start of a new adventure.

Please feel free to contact us about our 5 year trip around the world - conorhegarty81@gmail.com

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Thailand April 17th - June 9th 2011

Wednesday 8th June 2011

Had a good sleep and then a breakfast, where they hand you a fruit shake (also seems to be called a milk shake, milk drink, milk smoothie or milk lassie?) with a drinking straw which has clearly been used before, with old chewed ends. Read some books, tried to sell it. Bumped into the Thai tour guide who met us for ten minutes a week ago when he bundled us onto a Chaing Mai bus, surprisingly he remembered us both. An expensive Starbucks coffee (where a Canadian man was telling girls how every time someone speaks to him he always thinks of movie quotes, like that line in Mrs Doubtfire where he says “I do cartoon voices....” oh right), brought some new socks and had a bad pasta each. The pasta restaurant was a strange place, empty except for the staff who were dancing in customers absence. Sat down and ordered pizza, sorry the oven is broken. Steak? Sorry no steak. Asked for the pan fried salmon.... sorry no the oven is broken? But it says pan fried? Sorry no salmon.... oh right. Then we pay and notice they charged a 50 baht service charge which was about a quarter of the price on top... Another walk round the block and Small one phoned his mother for exactly one minute as we were on our last few Bahts before leaving the country. Spent the rest of the day half watching bad movies in the hotel room. Small one was hit upon by the old man at the hotel reception and tall one had an ache in his arm.

Tuesday 7th June 2011

Slept pretty well, waking a few times only. Awoke abruptly at 6am, bus driver shouting “BANGKOK BANGKOK”. Confused and half asleep left the bus while he kept shouting, checking for luggage, scrambling for bags which we were being thrown in the mud while taxi drivers pestered “where you going?”. Walked to Khaosan Road and tried a few hotels, settled for a different one again, 600 Baht per night with air con, a tv (with only one channel HBO Movies screening Nanny Mcphee and The Apostle), as well as a smelly toilet. Went for a few walks, had a few inadequate meals with rubberey beef. Stepped over an unconscious thai man lying on the path, tall one was certain he was dead because of the flies and a huge cut in his fore arm that was deep enough to poke the tip of your finger into. Later we saw him sat up begging with a mcdonalds cup though. Had an expensive meal in Mulligan’s Irish bar, a huge Beef and Guinness Pie surrounded by westerners taking joy in the novelty of smoking like chimneys in a restaurant again.

Monday 6th June 2011

Small one awake at 5am reading his book Bangkok Boy with a head light on. Followed by a Lie in and up around 11am for breakfast. Walked round Chaing Mai and found the street where Small one stayed 2 years ago. Had a Starbucks. Had a disgusting pizza at the U.N. Irish pub. Waited at the ‘Nice Place’?? hotel for the bus pickup to Bangkok. Due at 6pm they collected us at 6.30pm. Drove the pickup truck taxi round town picking up others which took until 7.15pm. The fumes and over filled truck made tall and small feel sick (that and the bad food from the pub). Finally dropped us off at the depot which we realized was only ten minutes walk from the hotel anyway after that stressful 45 minute taxi. Loaded on to the bus, avoiding the baby, the guy in blue with an enormous beard and the old man with lots of tattoos and Navy Seals clothing. Though tall one was stuck in front of a foreign guy singing Kharma Chamelon.

Saturday 4th – Sunday 5th June 2011

Ellen left the Trek a night early due to fear of spiders (what she expected in a jungle we weren’t sure) her friend Helen stayed. Everyone was up and hung around for ages for the hung over guides to drag themselves out of bed and cook this egg onion and under toasted toast breakfast. There was n drive or organization in these guides. Headed off for 2 hour trek through some very steep hills, nice views, lots of sweat, until we got to a deserted hut. We had lunch here, the older brother had long disappeared and we were left only with the younger one (who thankfully was easier as he spoke no English). Noodles again (really un energetic food to keep us going on treks, not even any fruit). There was a half starved, mangy, wild cat there which kept annoying us. The lads kept trying to fire a catapult at it, but it was stubborn enough to stay and chew on discarded noodles. Walked round to the waterfall and had a much needed dip and wash in the very refreshing water. Small one made all the girls to turn their backs while he changed into his trunks.

The guide said wake him at 3pm but that was well over another hour away, so we woke him up earlier and just said it was 3pm. Another hour trek and got very wet and slippery in strong rains. Made it to the Elephant camp. Were then grouped off to ride the elephants for one and a half hours through the jungle. Tall and Small went with the now friendless Helen. When they realized that the seating order was two in the seat on the elephants back and the third sat on the elephants neck with their legs either side of the head, they ran infront of Helen and got into the seat, so she had the uncomfortable and intimidating seat.

There were three elephants in all, and one baby which followed without any passengers. The elephants had a habit of stopping to eat branches and would occasionally pull them down and swipe them at the passenger on their neck like swatting a fly. Also spraying mud over their heads into our faces was another favourite. The baby kept playing with the adults, and would just stand infront of them and fall over on to its head so they could not pass. We would then waste ten minutes with the parents shoving the baby round the floor while it made trumpet noises, and the guides were shouting a lot. At least the elephants seemed happy, and were not being stabbed by the guides like the ones on the day trip the other day.

Off the elephants and another 1 hour to the next village to sleep. Used the luxurious shower of a cold tap and hose pipe in a sheet metal made shed before having dinner. Sat and had some actual cold beers which as nice, but that Chang is surprisingly strong at 6%. Then the older brother guide joined us (thankfully no guitar this time), and talked a load of shit again until he disappeared for the night saying he was going “hunting?”. The sleeping hut this time had no mosquito nets and after a sleepless night small one was awoken at 6am by one of the Thai Locals (with no English who’d been sitting with us at dinner with the guide) had crept into the sleeping hut with all 9 of us and sat on the floor right by small one. He woke small one up laughin and prodding him with a claw, and started rambling in Thai, no English at all. It seemed like he wanted someone to go ride a motorbike with him. Small one kept saying “NO NO NO 6am SLEEP SLEEP”. After half an hour all 9 backpackers were awake watching this drunk idiot with no English not go away. Finally one of the girls got him outside the door of the hut, but even then he stood in the doorway just swaying and staring in at us all sleeping. When small one came back from the toilet he closed the door in his face, and thankfully he didn’t come back and kill us all.

Tall one celebrated the morning by having his first solid toilet ever in one of the “traditional” hole in the ground Thai toilets. There is an art to getting the squat in the right position to keep your clothes clean out the wet muddy floor and the toilet itself, and keep an eye on the next person coming to use the toilet through the sheet metal door which falls over at will.

One hour and half to next stop. On the way stopped at a local’s hut in middle of a Mango field where he sat with what looked like a skinned rat shish kebab, and his shy grand son (who apparently he didn’t know the name of). On then to the bamboo rafting. Badly constructed rafts of bamboo lengths, quite long boats about 10-15 foot long in the water. Again, badly organized. No life jackets and the Guide saying “you all will fall in, it is funny, it is party!”. Small one did not go as he could not swim and so waited in the truck. Tall one went down the river with the English girl Sophie and Ellen. They weren’t the best at helping to steer the back of the boat, with Tall one steering the front. So he would manage to make it past a low lying bush or log, but the back of the boat would not and they would swing right into it, getting scratched up their legs or being knocked out. The boat was terrible and sank from the start, most of the time tall one stood at the front of it knee deep in water, not knowing where the front of the boat started or stopped. There was no health and safety, lots of obstacles which could easily knock you out or crush your leg if you mis steered. But, everyone seemed to enjoy it.

Finally back to truck and a good 2 hours drive back to Chiang Mai and the ironically named hotel and tour operator “Nice Place”. By now everyone stunk, everything was damp and dirty, and everyone wanted some proper food. First thing back in Chian Mai was to go get a McDonalds. On the way back looked round the huge, sprawling Sunday Night market. Much needed bed by 8pm.

Friday 3rd June 2011

Up for the Trek and was asked to sign our names and details before we left. Noticed that there were only 8 other people, and four of them were British girls under the age of 20... sounded like hell. Reception stored out laptops but said we needn’t sign for them...

Was chucked into a pickup truck with seats and cover and driven for 3 hours into the Pai area. Two young Thai brothers from the Hotel, who had enormous square jaws drove us... apparently they were to be our guides. God help us... He already made a stop an hour into the drive to buy whisky and during the hard rain he pulled over and asked one of the two young British lads to come up and sit on the roof with him while his young brother (who seemed to keep getting out by side of road for a long time either throwing up or having a crap were never sure) was still driving ni the rain.

Arrived in Pai village and had driven up into the cloudy hills amongst some great views and wet weather. The group were not as shocking as first thought. Ten in all and the two dick head guides. Out of the ten were two very ill prepared Dutch girls in their mid twenties, called Ellen and Helen. Ellen was petrified of spiders, and Helen seemed to always be falling over. They both pulled out their boots for the three day trek which were these designer, black PVC dance boots with shiny things on... Then there were 3 English girls all 18 to 19, all were a bit snobby and precious, speaking and looking like Keira Knightley. They all claimed they were from Africa strangley, but could not see how if they were African descent and taught how they were all so pale, and prim and proper. Then a rather non-descript English girl on her own called Sophie. Finally two English lads around 20, both a bit dopey with big skater clothes and baseball cap, one rather quiet, the other seemed to try and speak a lot of unsuccessful one liners in a voice like Jeremy Clarkson. As a whole none were as irritating as first thought, but perhaps that was due to the fact that everyone hated the Guide.

Had lunch in the village, small one threw a chocolate bar wrapper into their village fire which billowed smoke across the courtyard, so an old woman came and fished it out. Lunch was waterey noodles. Walked round to the school on the top of the hill, the kids were all very confident, happy and cheeky. They stayed and played with us trying to take hats and glasses from us and wanted rides on shoulders. It then pissed down with rain and we had to then hike for 1 hour to the hill village where we were sleeping that night. The guides helpfully just pointed to the school kids and said follow them, follow baby.... The kids walked the hour to school each day it seemed, and were our temporary guides. Everyone came prepared in hike boots, but the kids walked home down the rocky slopes in barefoot. The soles of their feet seemed bright orange from the constant walking in the red mud. Everyone put on their cheap plastic rain ponchos, so there was a string of tourists walking through the wet hills like a row of pastel coloured condoms.

Arrived at village to see the quite dirty, grubby and insect ridden hut which we were all to share the floor of. Thankfully they had mosquito nets, but Ellen was petrified of Spiders and small one had accidentally wound her up that there were loads there. She cried and cried and said she wanted to go home and was terrified. When she asked the guide if he could take her back he said “it’s okay you come sleep in my bed i look after you”... that was the extent of his help inbetween his whisky. Explored the wicker huts and village through deep mud, pigs and chickens and dogs roaming everywhere. Later all sat on the floor of the communal hut and too everyone’s bemusement our Guide played and sung with guitar VERY badly, while some locals and his younger brother bashed on the floor and tin cans with sticks like three year olds (no rhythm what-so-ever) for about 2 hours. When he looked around and saw how everyone looked near suicidal he asked “why no one want to party?”. They had some village children come and sing later while the guides smoked Opium. By that time tall and small had been long pissed off by the drumming and pestering of the guides and gone to bed. They lay listening to Ellen weeping scared of the spiders, she had been told she could walk back to the village with the school tomorrow morning and get a bus back.

Thursday 2nd June 2011

Transferred from bus to hotel around 7-8am. Hotel seemed okay. Air con worked but full of swarming ants. Walked round City and found a road which was full of huge secondhand book stores. To small one’s dismay they went round them all, though he was the one that ended up buying books. One of the bookshops was run by a grey haired Irish man, small one had some dialogue with and brought a Christy Moore book off him. Had a long walk round pestered by a lot of tut tut men, and stopped at the United Nations Irish Pub and had a great Beef and Guinness pie with cheesy potato croquets. Back to hotel to sleep around 3pm and later pack for the 3 day trekking starting tomorrow morning.

Wednesday 1st June 2011
Small seemed to be on the mend though tall one has been constipated for about a week. With the badly designed bathroom/toilet/shower combo he managed to knock the shower on pulling his belt up and drenched himself just before leaving that morning, so had to spend half the day in a wet t shirt. Had a walk around, went to Starbucks (where there always seems to be some bizarre photo shoot outside on a pool table, involving Asians playing pool only with a cue ball?). Walked round the back alleys and crossing over a side road had to step over a Thai Dwarf lying flat on his face in middle of road with his crutches sprawled out to his sides. He was not moving, but due to the nature of Bangkok nobody helps anyone as they think it’s all a scam, so everyone kept on stepping round him.

Got the bus at 6pm after having two huge meals in Mulligans (expensive) Irish Bar. Night bus was a bit cheap, with plastic blue seating. Another rough journey, juts as you get to sleep they pull over and stop and turn all lights on. Nobody wants to buy a chickens head on a stick at a petrol station at midnight??!

Tuesday 31st May 2011

The bathroom of the new room floods about an inch or more deep in water when you shower as the drain is also blocked there. So for an hour or more after a shower if you want to use the toilet you have to take shoes, socks off and wade in.

Small one still very sick so tall one had to go on the prepaid day trip to Ayutthaya on his own. They did make it out together for breakfast at 6.30am first, and were delighted to find a group of Irish still drinking and being very loud and obnoxious sat on street side tables. In the same cafe was a few middle aged men, balding and gaunt and dressed like professional darts players (with their short sleeves black shirts straight out the packet and some kind of sequins on the back). They played badly at pool and smooched over the Thai birds they had obviously paid for all night.

Small one went back to bed and slept most of the day, other than to get up and annihilate a hoard of ants, flies and mosquitoes in the bathroom, and even saved the corpses to show tall one when he returned at 3pm. Tall one’s day was adequate, a boring bunch of people on the bus (thankfully), and a somewhat boring tour. But some nice old temples and old Budha statues compared to the brand spanking new temples nearer the city. Lots and lots of stray dogs which were all mottled and blank eyed like old teddy bears. Last stop was an Elephant temple, where a Thai lad in pyjamas made a baby elephant pose cross legged and make noises, then twirl a hoop on it’s trunk and finally do a weird dance shaking it’s behind at the nervous audience sat inches away. It was all a bit of a horrific circus, with the lad seemingly using a stick with spike and a hook on the end to prompt the baby to life. Back to Bangkok and reunited with small one, feeling marginally better. Out for a big dinner at one of the Irish pubs and bed. Tomorrow to face another night bus... to Chiang Mai.

Monday 30th May 2011

Made it to Bangkok alive. Though at one point around 5am the bus stalled and took a good 15 minutes to get started again. Walked down Khao San Road and tried two different hotels and settled for the cheap one for 500 baht a night for a twin, though cold water showers it seemed. A couple of hours on Khaosan road booking the 3 day tour and connections to Chiang Mai for Wednesday and the day tour for tomorrow. Had our travel badges sewed on our luggage, had a proper coffee at Starbucks where small one actually read a book. Lunch at another place, small one was told they had no bread whatsoever and tall one had porridge and a beer at 2pm. As they sat there with all the very bored over staffed staff in orange, they watched other backpackers being hustled into the suit shop behind them. It’s still a strange sight seeing 18 year olds in flip flops being measured up for a tailor made suit. Back to hotel where small one got very sick and for the rest of the afternoon and night had bad vomiting and diahrea. Was not sure if it was due to the pasta he’d eaten for lunch (which we never asked if they cooked in fish oils for his fish allergy) or if it was a reaction to the malaria tablets brought today (which side effects also list vomiting). Managed to block the sink anyway so we upgraded to a room with air con downstairs.

Sunday 29th May 2011

Walked to pier and onto the ferry back to Krabi Town. Hour and a half of a dull journey sat infront of a Thai man who kept slowly wiping strings of long white sleep from his eyes and methodically wiping it on the lifejacket hung over his chair. Then at Krabi harbour (Whcih looked and felt more like a large airport) bundled on a minibus of our tour operator for Bangkok, along with four really annoying, young, obnoxious British lads making smart comments about everything. Got to Krabi around 11am and have until 3.30pm. Walked along river and found the agency where we were dropped off on the way in a week or so ago. Pestered by many people trying to get us in their taxis, and found the town had strange monuments at their traffic lights of saber tooth tigers or giant apes?? Stopped for a few hours in a nice cafe with free wireless, had beer and pasta and was sgiven a strawberry smoothie to which they served in a small glass (used) ash tray as a coaster...? A thai man then turned up and proceeded to dance in the middle of the empty cafe.... left around 3pm to head back to the office for the pickup. Small one then realized he had forgotten his Grannies rosary beads back at the hotel on Phi Phi. He checked through his bag and weighd up the options if to go back or have them sent to Bangkok, and then realized he had of course put them inside his shoe which was inside his bag so he would not lose them?!

Onto a coach filled with more young, dippy British chatting away obnoxiously about rubbish. Tried t get some sleep but the air con above our heads dripped down continuously and woke us up. Stopped for food halfway at Chumphon (port for Ko Tao and Ko Phagyan. Surprisingly nice chicken and blt sandwiches. In the middle of the night Small one was awake when the Asian family infront of us (with 2 kids) perked up and the husband asked the wife if the bus driver was asleep as he was veering off the road. She looked down and said she could not see his eyes, so down the husband went, woke him up and said he was falling asleep. The driver say he okay he okay. Husband suggests the drivers friend takes over but he says his friend no drive either, or the fat woman in green sleeping among rubbish by his side. Husband says he has 2 kids and the driver must pull over and sleep. The driver did and after an hour headed out again, but by 3am he was nodding off again, so the husband got him to pull over again, and this time stayed sat down next to him chatting when he carried on driving, at least till it got light. The driver started smoking to try and help, which of course filled the windowless coach up with the stench.

Saturday 28th May 2011

Had planned a long and nice day on the beach, but some how never happened. Walked up the very very steep, tiring, sweaty viewpoints 1 2 and 3, which were very good looking down on the double bays of Phi Phi. Saw the german couple from yesterdays boat trip who we can’t seem to get away from. Back down and went on beach for an hour or two. Went for a break for food with a disgusting chicken shish kebab which burnt tall one’s mouth with an unexpected chilli, causing a lot of hiccups. Had a lunch in the same place where we had breakfast opposite the hotel. On the way back to the beach stopped to look at bamboo tattoo designs, then ended up getting one each for 4000 baht each (abut $120 aus). Small one waited for tall one to go first to see how much it would hurt, but this meant small one got the tattooist with the mascara and the blood shot eyes. The tattoists where both very calm and professional with their great care they first printed a template onto the arm using a blotting pad, tracing the design first. Tall one got a patterned band around his upper arm, small one the Celtic crest. You would think they’d play relaxing music to chill you out during the pain, but instead was heavy metal. The pain was the same as getting the hepatitis and yellow fever shots in Melbourne, but more constant. Lots of very quick acute pricks, or a constant burning pain if on the inside soft part of the arm. Took about 1-2 hours each. Tall one had his tattooist assisted by a Thai boy who would not stop flinching and twitching his eyes everytime the needle went in. It was a Thai traditional Bamboo method, and so a stick of bamboo with fresh needles on the end, which they then dipped into paint and repeatedly pricked into the skin fast, guidng it in with their fingers, they were surpsingly accurate. This method is supposedly more clean, less painful and bloody than the modern method, and also means it does not have to be covered for a week, and can even get wet (just avoid shampoo and use Vaseline over it when showering). Both were relieved when it was finished, and had tried their best to ignore the tourists who just come in and stare at you in pain. Went for dinner in the same place as lunch and breakfast, served by the same waiter in the blue t-shirt working al day, the food was pretty good and the wireless free. Watched the final and rubbish episode of CSI’s 9th season and fell asleep.

Friday 27th May 2011

Waited for mini bus at reception with three Manchester girls going to Krabi airport. Mini bus dropped us at Lanta harbour then got on a pretty half decent boat to Phi Phi for an hours journey. The boat was peaceful until a group of four northern girls came on and sat making very loud and very stupid remarks, usually starting with “oh my God...!”.

Off boat at Phi Phi. Very nice little island. More with bays with white sandy beaches and turquoise waters, not as much rubbish as Lanata. The village was very nice, small little shops bit like Byron Bay, lots of cafes, bars and restaurants. No motorbikes aloud, only cycles, but they were sometimes deadly sneaking up on you from behind with no bell just the odd Thai person saying “beep beep!” like some dubbed road runner cartoon. There was an irish Pub called Jordans, whichs aid breakfast, lunch and dinner, did not open till 12 and we were told by three Thai children running it that there was no food till a lot later. Part of the main road was being dug up on the way to hotel and had to walk along a pile of ballast to get by. Found a hotel in middle of town, had to leave shoes at the front door and be shown to a very smoky room, they said it was incense and that it was not on fire (as our eyes watered). On the way out the staff were seen in the room next door, sat on the floor watching Shawshank Redemption while knitting?

Booked our bus and boat back to Bangkok for Sunday and also a half day trip to the Maya Bay / Beach (where The Beach movie was filmed) for that afternoon. The price varied from 250 Baht to 400 Baht by just going next door. Had lunch with a cheerless waitress and watched a lot of sun burn walking around the town, a lot of ugly people and a lot of very annoying, young, over confident British lads. Checked out the beach which was also very nice, though had to dodge some broken glass.

Half day trip was a bit bizarre. Waited at 1.30pm as told, then at 2pm a man with bad teeth and a bike and pineapples came by and said follow me (he was being trailed by 20 other backpackers). Everyone was confused as we weaved through the narrow streets and ducked under the legs of a house to get to the shore. At the shore we stood for a good 20 minutes until we finally had to wade out to a very small, narrow long boat which had 20 of us on almost toppling it.

The boat went out rocking worrying side to side. Thankfully the other 20 were not to bad, as tall one was worried it would be full of those annoying people who want to have a good time. Stopped at Monkey Beach (which had a lot of monkeys begging for food). The bald, musclier Frenchman (With a new, peeling tattoo on his back) confidently gave everyone tips on how to watch out for these monkeys... five minutes later one was climbing up his leg barking and bit him.

Left the first island for Phi Phi Lang where the beach was filmed. Some very high rough waves to get there were pretty scary. Small one kept grabbing hold of the random backpacker to his other side out of fear. Made it there and stopped in a nice bay for swimming in crystal clear, and thankfully 5ft deep water. Then on to a snorkelling spot with some small colourful fish. Finaly on to Maya Bay, but had to swim to the shore and climb up this bizarre net cobweb thing to get to the stairs up the cliff. Small one took a life jacket and the camera was put in a waterproof bag. Made it to shore and spent an hour on the beach, a little over cast but still very nice, and very busy. The Frenchman from the boat commandeered an poor American chap to be his unofficial photographer, and was roped into taking hundreds of identical photos of the bald Frenchman posing with his thumbs up in front of this rock, then this rock, then the sea, then this bit of sea, ooh now a photo over here. The only difference tall one noticed to the movie The Beach was that he did not remember so many pasty white Asians in speedos. On the way back was given some pineapple by the driver and got back around 6pm for a much needed shower.

Went out for dinner (on the way a woman walked past holding the hand of a gibbon she was walking dressed as an invalid child) and found a fantastic menu with swiss cheese and mushroom burgers and cheeey chips and potato skins etc. Though the downfall was when tall one went to open a glass bottle of Heinz steak sauce and it exploded in his face. Not sure what happened, but he ended up with a bruised eye, brown sauce all over his orange polo shirt, shorts, neck and face and all up the wall and pull down tv screen behind him. The middle aged Englishman sat alone opposite just stared, and finally some staff came over and he was directed to the upstairs toilet to clean up. After a minute in there someone kept trying to get in. Tall one managed to clean his face but not his shirt which kept the brown splatter, so was worried what this person waiting outside would think when he came out after so long with brown liquid all up him (as well as a load of brown sauce covered tissues left in the bin by the toilet). Thankfully no one was still outside so he slunk back down to his table and the staff told him his burger would be free as the other tables of eaters looked disgusted at him. Small one sat and laughed and told him how as soon as he left the Englishman sat alone burst out laughing. They slunk back to hotel to change and shower again. Went back out for a beer on the beach, which was full of light shows and club music along the bars, it was hideous so went to bed leaving the beer unfinished.

Thursday 26th May 2011

It rained for half the day so bound to the bungalow, sleeping or reading. When the rain cleared up the resident Thai lads started cutting offlarge branches above our bungalow which sounded like they were going to come through the roof. They did this for a few hours and stirred up a huge nest of big red ants, which crawled all over their barebacks, but they didn’t seem to mind. Had a lunch, small one did not like his fried egg (they really can’t do eggs out here) and threw it on the beach. Tall one had a Thai Massage on the beach. It was quite relaxing to be abused while listening to the sound of the ocean. Strange how someone whose touching, poking, thumping your finger tips, eyebrows, thighs, feet, neck, shoulders... your whole body so thoroughly looks so utterly bored and miserable. It still hurt in the morning. Had a dinner and small one chased away the cat with no tail. More CSI, leaving at 730am.

Wednesday 25th May 2011

Tall one’s 28th birthday. Looked like it was going to rain, it rained hard all night so everything was still wet, though it turned out sunny all day again. Had breakfast, sat by the pool then walked down the beach to the next bar for lunch. The next bar down was very busy with people, thankfully our one wasn’t. Came back with bad stomach ache, read a book, watched an Orson Welles movie. Tall one had a steak dinner and small one had them put some birthday candles in the mash potato to which the young Thai waiter tried to sing Happy Birthday, but kept saying “happy new year”. He then asked small one’s name and was told “Conor” he was responce was “oh, John Connor!”. He asked Tall one’s name and was told “Michael” and replied “oh, Michael Jackson!”. Watched some CSI ont he laptop and went to bed.

Tuesday 24th May 2011

Late start, quick breakfast, wrote postcards, blur blur blur. Rented a moped and was given a ridiculously pink helmet but unfortunately strap was broke so swapped for a grey one. Small one rode us down the west coast of island, the moped felt like it was going to fall apart, steering all off. Got lost and stopped at a view point cafe overlooking the bay of islands on the otherside of the Ko Lanta. They had a skinny kitten which seemed starved to death and they showed us where we’d managed to veer off inland instead of straight down the coast. Headed down through Old Lanat Town and past the peer, saw a french woman talking to a large video camera. Down to the southern tip then turn around and drove up to the north tip of the island via the west coat. Drove past the snake school, monkey school and mangrove tour, went to none. Stopped for lunch at Lanta town in a Swedish cafe where the blue and yellow paint on the tables stuck to tall one’s arms. When walking back to the bike saw a small 3 year old child picking a kitten up by the next and throwing it into the road, she did this twice. The cat ran to us for help, but then decided it was better to try the postcard shop. Rode back to hotel, had a dip in pool and walk up north on the beach, again too much glass to have too much of a relaxing walk, but good scenary. Had dinner, the sweet and sour tasted a bit like cheesy Wotsits. As usual when small one asked tall one how his dinner was he replied, “it was nice but i’ll never have it again”.

Monday 23rd May 2011

A long, hot, very relaxing day just sat by the pool and by the bar overlooking the beach. A small Goanna lizard walked along the side of the pool and disappeared in the motor room, other than that it was just a very relaxing day. Watched another sunset looking out the bar as two Thai children played on the beach. Then noticed one of them was running round with a syringe in one hand. Told the staff about it and they nodded and smiled, said again HE HAS A NEEDLE and did a mime of a needle in the arm and pointed to the kids, he still nodded and smiled. Good Night.

Sunday 22nd May 2011

Tide was out when we woke and saw that the beach was filthy with litter, from light bulbs to water bottles. One of the Thai lads was thankfully seen going up and down with a broom and a rubbish bag, until that is we noticed he was skipping around the garbage and only collecting fallen leaves??

Had a breakfast eaten alive by swarming ants and dodging some kind of dropping coming from the palm trees above. Will try and eat under the restaurant roof next time. Tried to speak to the travel desk about some day trips to other islands, he was absolutely useless. How much for this day tour? Well, there are different prices you see there is a half day and a 2 day..... yes but how much for the day tour.... well i show you this one..... no how much for THIS one.... there are different types..... yes HOW MUCH FOR THIS ONE..... I do you a deal, look at this.... don’t worry about it.

The sun was out for most of the day, had a dunk in the pool, Small one spent a lot of the day catching up with sleep. Walked up the beach and watched an amazing sunset. Had to walk back in the pitch black though, trying not to tread on the broken glass or many scuttling crabs.

Saturday 21st May 2011

Arrived at Krabi after the hideously sleepless night bus from Bangkok, around 7am. Tall one’s ankles were swelled up like a pregnant ladies. Stopped at a tour depot to wait 2 hours for another bus to take us to two different ferries. The gangly English boy fell asleep on the tiled floor very strangley. Everyone over 5ft 5 cracked their head on the low metal shutters that were suspended from the ceiling. Ordered an English and American breakfast from the hotel opposite the depot, which came over as bright orange juice, and coffee instead of tea. But actually very good for the 100 Bah we’d paid ($3 Aus). Took a mini bus of just Tall and Small for Ko Lanta island (everyone else was going to different island and had different transfers). Picked up a few others, but when stopped for the first ferry the guy said right 5 minutes toilet break before we get on the ferry. After Tall and Small went they saw the mini bus had gone and was now on the ferry. They jogged down to it and the ferry took off straight away leaving behind some confused Japenese girl from the bus. Then had to wait the other side of the dock for almost an hour waiting for her to catch the next ferry to catch up with us. Were then dropped off in Ko Lanta at each of our hotels. We were joined at ours by the French trio on our bus who seemed reasonable enough for French people.

A nice hotel, beach front bungalow, full of ants and only one socket but still very nice. Lots of dried palm roofed huts and palm trees lining the beach and making up the bar and pool area. Menu had good selection of western food, though the chilli con carne turned out to be more of a stir fry. The waiter was one of the strangest beings we’d ever seen, this giant of a Muslim Thai man, huge belly, crossed eyed, hair in a bun wearing mascara and lip stick. There were also cats walking round with no tails, tinsel hanging from the ceiling and pillars in May, and twice as many staff members as residents. Booked in for a week and looking forward to a decent break, the weather sounds a bit vague this time of year, but at the moment its nice and cool but over cast, that’ll do....

Small one slept through the evening, Tall one watched a nice sunset, paddled in the tropical sea until a used nappy floated past his knees. Small one woke up and covered with mosquito bites they walkd up the beach in the pitch black, had a beer at the third bar up and walked back again. As they ordered a pizza (which turned out to be a naff oven pizza) and one tea (to which the waiter said “okay two coffees?”) they noticed one of the no tail cats dropping a turd in the sand infront of their bungalow and burying it. They wished they’d worn sandles now to get back without having to step in this ancient cat mine field. They ordered a drink from the bar at the end of the restaurant and with the florescent lighting in place the 5-6 Thai lads hanging around the bar (working or not we weren’t sure) had glowing green teeth. Tall one went back to the bungalow and turned the tv on to see the last five minutes of Reservoir Dogs dubbed into Thai.

Friday 20th May 2011

Bit of a lie on and then checking out with bag storage waiting for our night bus at 6.00pm to Ko Lanta Island, via Krabi. Went for a bit of a walk, via Small one haggling fiercely for a small knapsack, and tall one buying a book the size of the yellow pages.

Walked round to the Grand Palace, up to Golden Mountain and Democracy Monument. Half of them closed and could only view peeking over a wall. On the way saw a ratty looking squirrel and the river running through Bangkok running very high and fast. Had some terrible food off a street market and lots of needed water. Back to hotel by 5pm for bags, and collected for bus and waited round till 7pm until bus left. Two tier bus, downstairs closed and toilet very dodgy (half the time would not open and when it did it was only an overflowing plastic hole in the ground next to a saucepan of water).

Plenty of idiots getting on the bus. Two loud, English boys in vests and straw hats saying how maybe they’ve got time to ‘nail’ another two Chang beers before the bus leaves. A guy from Israel who spoke American / English full of very boring stories he thought were brilliant, like that time he sung Vietnamese Kareokee or the time he was flown to Everest basecamp.... please go away. Then there was another Brit, this gangly, awkward, greasy, spotty, very pale young lad in a Barcelona football top. When asked about it he said he only brought it as he was annoyed Man U won the league? When we got on the bus it was less than half full so everyone got two seats each, except that is for the gangly English one who ignoring the many many empty pairs of seats around him and asked the Israel guy “can i sit here”. So when everyone else was spread over two seats (even couples) the two strangers were stuck next toe ach other. A long journey for 13 hours, arriving in Krabi at 7am for the boat to Ko Lanta Island. Everytime you thought you were getting to sleep the bus would stop for petrol or for someone to change buses at 3am. One stop for food at 10pm everyone got out and surveyed the supermarket and food court. All the hot food was this disconcerting brown colour, whilst the ‘other’ food on offer consisted of paper bags filled with vaguely labelled cakes, and plastic wrapped white bread sandwiches filled with turquoise or green jams??

Thursday 19th May 2011

On a small mini bus with bad air con was taken to the floating markets. Onto a very rocky boat with another 8 people and slowly taken up a barrage of canals and boats and shops lining the canals all selling the same stuff. Wood frogs which croak, little colourful purses with elephants and ash trays shaped like penis’. Finally got off and were given 2 hours to walk around. Brought some small, slightly strange but nice sausages on a stick. Haggled for t-shirts and fisherman’s pants. Just a quick look at a t-shirt and asking “how much?” they respond with 450 Bah! I just walked away and said too much, she then comes following me shouting “okay 400! Okay 200!”. Fine I’ll buy it for 200. Back on to another minibus for an hour, then changing into a third minibus to have our meal we didn’t know was included. Twenty minutes later to the River Kwai bridge which they seemed to spell differently depending on the sign you looked at. It was a new steel bridge, not the original wooden one destroyed by allies. Walked across the top to the otherside where a rainbow painted train went back and forth over it and a man with a fiddle played the Colonel Bogie theme tune from the River Kwai movie. Only given forty minutes and rushed round the museum, then on to the Tiger Temple. Lots of foreign volunteer workers, some of them very annoying. The monks and volunteers took your camera off you for the Tiger Canyon where you are lead strangely holding the hand of the volunteer around the chained down tigers. They actually took a lot and some very good photos for you, before then moving on to see the tiger cubs. Was then all asked to make a very definite crowd around a Tiger being bottled fed milk, until that is the cattle feed truck came through along with a stampede of Ox, Wild Boar and Water Buffalo. “Everyone move over here” was there responce, but “over here” was over by the tiger, which didn’t care about the milk anymore and watched the cattle. One tourist got head butted by the Bull as he tried to get through the crowd. A volunteer brought a very young tiger cub up for us to see, it was crying out and clearly didn’t like it, but despite this some fat Indian man had his little digital camera in it’s face saying aggressively to the volunteer “show us its face...PHOTO PHOTO.... show us the face!”. Three hour bus ride back in a different mini bus. Had a nice pizza and pasta meal in a deserted restaurant in strangley tourist deserted streets, but there were more peddlers than every before. One pointed to small one and said “i like this shirt you wear, i make you one exact same for 500 bah...” no thanks we already have one?? On the news saw it was the anniversary of the Thai uprising a year ago, where the red shirts fought to over throw the government and 90 were killed in this same region we are staying in. A much needed bed by 9pm.

Wednesday 18th May 2011

Had a lie on and prepared the day in Bangkok. Tomorrow going on day trip to floating market – River Kwai and Tiger Temple. Also looking for a nice place to stay on the beach on an island. One of the adverts described their bathroom as exotic with ‘bare cement interior’? In the afternoon walked down Rama I an Rama IV Roads, via a lot of very Thai streets with no tourists or English, selling an awful lot of big, gold Budhas and lso some very life like actual size Monks in prayer. Then through Siam Square, very modern shopping centre and had an iced coffee in Starbucks. Through Lumphini park, a nice park in centre of city, with a river and small lake which had a lot of Goanna or monitor lizards strolling about some 4-5 foot long. Got lost for a while and then found some the main strip around Silmon Road. Lots more street vendors, some with lice chickens sitting on their laps. Found a hairdressers and had one each, as well as a shampoo and wash which neither particularly wanted, but fair enough. Had a much needed massage which was quite different to the Vietnamese one. Played a random game of pool with two Thai lads. Both were very skinny and camp and much better at pool than us. Tall one potted the eight ball three times, but before potting anything else and so we lost three times just on that. Had a few beers, started to walk back. Got halfway and flagged down a Tut Tut and had a fast, nervous ride back. McDonalds was next and was surprisingly good.

Tuesday 17th May 2011

Up at 5am to be ready for our taxi to the airport at 6am. Downstairs the Vietnamese staff were all asleep on the sofas in reception. We woke one of them up to unlock the entrance shutters, he dusted down the sofa and moved his bedding and told us to sit down next the other sleeping staff member.

Taxi to airport, same driver with the bad skin and bad hygiene as yesterday, had not had the car wash after all those dusty roads so could not see a thing out the back window. At the airport checked in and went for breakfast. Sat down with menu to see it was all awful so got back up and went downstairs and waited for another cafe to open. That one was also awful, the photo on the menu of crusty thick slices of bread with pots of jam and honey turned out to be cheap, economy slices of white bread and a couple of sachets, cost almost as much at the steak dinner.

Boarded the plane and was a very short 1 hour 50 minute flight. To our surprise we were given a three course meal to eat, with a salad and dressing, pork and rice, a bread roll, tea, orange juice and a vague jelly desert. It was all very good, though everyone seemed to be queuing for the toilets for fifteen minutes afterwards.

Landed to 31 degrees, immigration was a doddle, a couple of minutes to get a stamp in front of a web cam, no charge. Collected bags which to our surprise were there, though tall ones had been searched. Changed some money and took the shuttle to Khaosan Road, the backpacker strp in Bangkok.

Priced the hotel small one stayed in two years ago, it was 1,000 BAH a night, which was about $30. Priced another for 700, about $27. Went for the cheaper, though tall one fell down the stairs and hurt his back. Khaosan Road was apparently a lot quieter than it was two years ago. Had a chicken breast dinner with potato bake at a restaurant while a man with no legs slid along by our feet begging. Priced some tours which varied greatly in price for the same package (well over a third cheaper up the street than in the hotel). Evening stopped for a drink in one of the two Irish bars. Infront of us a British looking man in his 50’s (looked like a respectable local School teacher type) sat with three Thai boys (one a lady boy), he sat groping one of them while families and backpackers walked past, nobody batted an eye lid. Still plently of peddlers like Vietnam, watched a man come over to another table with two young lads drinking, and he put in front of them an electronic blue bird which moved and whistled tunes like something from Mary Poppins. He stood there watching this bird sing while the two lads ignored him, even when the bird stopped he pressed the start button again.

We were served all our beer in plastic cups, big ones like from McDonalds. Apparently as ti was a Budha holiday and because of Budha no bottles today? Overall compared to Vietnam the place seemed a lot more substantial, at least comparing the main backpacker / tourist strips to each other. The bars and restaurants and even the shops looked more permanent and a lot better laid out and well displayed. After couple of beers went back to hotel and watched the Queen arriving in Dublin, what a great night in....?