Everyday is a new adventure

Tuesday 25th – Thursday 27th August Another two nights off and Small and Tall drove back to Katoomba, the place where they also seems to end up. This time staying for free inside YHA in a twin room with ensuite. The first night in a foreign lady was walking up the corridor shouting 'Georgiou?..... Georgiou?' for about ten minutes. She heard Tall and Small talking in their room and assumed it was Georgiou and started knocking on their door shouting 'Georgiou? Georgiou!!!'. Small one replied very loudly....NO!. Wednesday Small and Tall did some shopping and then did the 2 hour return track down to the base of the Bridal Veil Falls. It was a nice sunny day and a nice walk. Although not very good on the knees. That evening they ate in a local pub and went in and ordered two beers. The bearded gentleman serving in casual clothes with his two middle aged waitresses in flowery house dresses said they did not serve alcohol. Small and Tall had hot chocolate and sat by the fire. It was a weird place, decorated like some strange reclusive religious cult. With wood stairs and tables small enough only for hobbits. The customers were just as strange as Small one had a man sat alone right over his shoulder, who when his date arrived started discussing the first time he used Mouthwash. Two strange elderly gentleman came in and started prodding the fire infront of Tall one and blowing gently on it with his lips while keeping his arse firmly infront of Tall one's nose. Although decked out like the Little House on the Praire, the place had electronic sliding doors made of wood. Thursday morning and to the Katoomba cinema, this time with no special needs bus. Saw the Taking of Pelham 123 and were the only two people in the whole place. Drove back to Jenolan and Small one did not want to go back. Working that evening Marie and James Brady were back, but at least James was now out of the chefs outfit and in his proper job of Manager now that the chef was back. The restaurant was dead quiet for a few days anyway, and luckily Tara was on holiday for a week so another break from annoying staff was underway. Thursday 20th August – Monday 24th August Back at Jenolan to find that Dennis was now turning up to work wearing shorts, which made everyone feel rather giddy. Small one made him feel giddy when he handed in Tall and Small's notice for the 18th October as a leaving date (just\after the next busy school holiday period). Dennis did his nervous coughing thing and said he was disappointed as he thought we were here till Christmas. A quiet few days were worked in the Bistro and Restaurant as Marie and James Brady had gone no holiday for a week. Thing ran much smoother in every sense. No sign of Jude either who had apparently decided to do volunteer work working in the Guides Ticket office for free?? Working in the Bistro Tall one had a confusing moment when an Asian woman came up to the hot food counter and ordered a Skinny Cally. Tall one said excuse me? She repeated, 'One Skinny Cally'. Tall one replied, 'a Skinny Cally??'. She said, 'Yes a Skinny Cally'. Tall one said, 'I don't think we do Skinny Cally??' he pointed to the big menu on the wall. She went over to it and put her finger on Chicken Curru and said 'Skinny Cally, Skinny Cally...'. Tall one said, 'Oh you mean Chicken Curry, sorry I only speak English'. On the sunday evening Tall and Small drove to Bathurst and saw Inglorius Basterds att he cinema which was much better and enjoyable than expected. They avoided the many local red necks and got a Dominos Pizza and left quickly. Dominos miss spelling Conor as Connor yet again. Monday 17th – Wednesday 19th August Small and Tall stayed the night in a camp site in Katoomba where there was a talking parrot. Sheila was mocked up badly with net curtains for the night and was very cold. On the Monday morning Small one went back to the RTA and did the theory test to try and become road legal. He past fine and enquire when he could book the practical test and was told tomorrow. It was booked and after finding an Australian Driving Instructor to have one $50 hour lesson that afternoon was set for the test the next day in Springwood outside Katoomba. The practical test went very well as well and Small one within 24 hours had gone from having an Irish Provisional License to an Australian provisional license to an Australian License (a Red 'P' 90 type to signify Passed Driver to stay under 90 miles an hour for the first year). Unfortunately though Sheila's car window had broken, and like Dave's borrowed car, the electronic window on the passenger side no longer went down and stayed stuck up. Before it got Dark Small and Tall went back to the Jameison Valley in Katoomba to do the Federal Pass walking track down into the valley and back up. Over estimating the time it would take, it took 2 hours and got dark quickly. They lost the cra for about half an hour. On the Tuesday night they slept in Sheila parked outside the YHA Hostel in Katoomba, free parking and shower use for $2 each. They later found out that Jenolan caves staff could stay inside for free anyway. Sheila was given a make over with storage boxes and proper curtains brought. Wednesday Tall and Small drove back down to Springwood phoning up Fruit picking jobs on the way and finding most said no work for a few weeks and could not guarantee anything. Past Springwood into Glenbrook they drove towards the Red Hands Cave advertised as a cave with original Aboriginal hand art. It was a long 15 km dirt road to get their, which Sheila got very dirty. At the caves themselves it was found to not be a cave and more of a wall face with some hand prints down the side behind a big cage. It was still quit nice but not sure if worth the long long drive through all that filth. Back up towards Katoomba and Small and Tall drove down into the Megalong Valley where they patted some Horses for a while and saw some Kangeroos. After not finding any definite jobs, other than some potential leads up in Townsville, Ayr in Queensland, they decided to go back to Jenolan where they could save more money and have no living costs. Friday 14th – Sunday 16th August The Friday night was empty in the restaurant. Small one was asked to help wash up in the kitchen while Tall one was told to tidy stock rooms as there was five staff on the floor for the three tables that were eating. On the Saturday night it was the opposite, there were over a hundred guests and the back and front room were in use. The loud mouthed bitch Tara was working (who is usually just on reception) and the staff were split into sections. Small one was given the whole back room to himself and Tara was told to help out anywhere needed in the restaurant. She deliberately didn't bother helping Small one after the complaints from her party. Taking a drinks order for Small one's big table of 16 people and telling him half an hour later to get it for them when she was doing nothing. There were a lot of guests complaints and Small one and Tara had a big argument. Meanwhile, the Irish girl Laura served two Alcoholic drinks to two recovering Alcoholics by mistake after mis-understanding their order of two Gingers. The few days back no sight of Jude was seen at all, lots of hearsay in the Bistro and she is clearly not liked. A memo was put up for people to stop chatting about her and the accident. The Bistro was entraining with the irritating American Girl Molly slicing her finger in the Ham slicer, which Small one had been wishing for. A lady asked Tall one is the Vegetable Burger was vegetarian? Tall one replied, 'Yes, it is made of vegetables'. A Chinese man pestered Tall one asking where the Chinese Restaurant was. Tall one said there is no Chinese Restaurant here you would have to go to the local town Oberon. The Chinese man persisted, 'where I get Chinese food'. 'Go to Oberon' said Tall one, 'There is no Chinese Restaurant HERE' he replied. Tall one continued, 'No this is just a hotel not a town, there is no restaurant'. The China man was still confused, 'What about round the back is there a Chinese Restaurant'.....'For the love of God NO'. Tall and Small finished work and walked up the the Devil's Coach House lookout point which was steep, tiring walk. After which they sat outside the Bistro and fed Parrots by the do not feed the Parrots sign. Sunday was a special day run by the Hotel Manager Dennis, the nervous coughing, disliked Manager wo was due to leave but surprised everyone by saying he was now staying. Today Dennis had arranged for a bus of twenty Indians to be hosted in the hotel as they may be potential clients for a party later in the year. He gave them free Blue Tongue beer, which they drunk to excess, he got Tall one to get them whiskeys free and said make them doubles. Tall one was then asked to help them with their bags to their rooms. Tall could not help twenty people and only helped one, after waiting for them to check in, wait for them all to use the elevator he finally got the the room after half an hour of taking one bag upstairs. The Indians were all a bunch of obnoxious creeps, and after Dennis crawling up their arse for a few days hopefully they found a better venue for their party. After the terrible Indians, the Tara incident and James' constant outbursts and bad tensions throughout the hotel, Tall and Small were about ready to walk out. They now had a few days off and we not due back until Thursday evening. They packed up Sheila with everything they owned and drove off not expecting to return, planning to phone Dennis and give him the good news on Wednesday after their wages had gone in. Driving out of Jenolan they pulled over to take a photo by a rotten dead Wombat by the side of the road, as they took the photo the two alcoholics served the night before drove past. Wednesday 12th – Thursday 13th August Next few evenings and mornings had the same group of 120 school children eating. An awkward shift of working late evenings till 11pm, then upat 6am to serve them all breakfast. Mostly Asian children, they were all very timid and gullable. With Tall and Small as their dinner ladies for the next few days, Small one wound them up with his lies. Suggesting that their chocolate dessert jad Kangaroo meat in. Putting down main meals at a table but asking first who was the best football player at the table – after one child was eagerly decided as the best Small one announced 'you get your food last then'. Inbetween the school dinner the usual restaurant guests were squeezed in. One Australian couple asking for Small one's e-mail address so they could research the name of an Irish Golf Course they visited twenty years ago and e-mail it to him. Then on Thursday night after only sleeping a few hours the last few days, Tall and Small were awoken by the loud mouthed local receptionist girl, Tara having a party in the room above them with more local red necks from Oberon. Banging on the floor till 4.30am. Tall and Small started work the next morning very tired, working with Sheila who described her as an Animal. Seeing Tara later ni the day and not receiving any kind of apology. Sunday 9th August – Tuesday 11th August Tall and Small had changed there minds about going to Sydney, then after working the breakfats shift and finishing early decided to go anyway. Caught the Blue Mountains bus at 3.30pm back to Katoomba diven by the same lady who drove them up 8 weeks before. Waiting in Katoomba station to catch the 5.20pm train to Sydney - which was full of tramps, muslims, asian tourists photographing toilet signs and a man with very white socks and very black shoes. Arrived in the very familiar Sydney Central Train Station at around 8.00pm to find none of the old familiar tramp faces. Walked back up to Harbour City Bacpackers where we had pre-booked a twin room with wireless internet access – but the forgien chap with the tired eyes behind the counter gave us a 4 bed dorm (with just us staying) that had no wireless, smelt of hash and was in room 302 next to our old room, 301. Started to look for Campavans and Cars. Made the decision to not go for the first thing we saw and if we liked the campavan would still say we would let them know the next day so we could shop around and be thorough first. Saw an advert in the hostel for a 1988 Campavan, really nice friendly size and lots of stuff included. The young German owner 'Julian' drove 40 minutes from Manly to come and see us. He made an over thorough presentation of the campavans goods, even taking the time tog et the toaster included out of it's box – we didn;t care what the toaster looked like, we told him we already knew what a toaster looked like. We looked around it, there was no spare tyre or working horn, but was perfect size and $5,000. Small one said we'd take it and would pick it up tomorrow at 4pm. We had taken the first car we had looked at. As soon as Julian drove off we noticed a silver, 1997 Ford Falcon estate car parked behind him for sale at $2,500. Small one said let's give her a call now, Tall one said, but we have just agreed to take that one??! Small one phoned her anyway and woke her up at 10pm as she worked early mornings. She got out of bed and came down to show us the car, she was a bit ditzy. The car was registered till June 2010, whilst the campavan was only till Dec 2009. It looked immaculate in the dark inside and out. Small one agreed to take that car as well and pick it up at 3pm the next day. Tall and Small were now buying two cars, and neither of them had a license. Next day met Conor's friend Lisa for lunch and then he let poor Julian and his campavan down. Saw Public Enemies at the cinema which was not much cop. Brought the car which was christened Sheila after the silver haired old worker at Jenolan Caves. Drove to Coogee beach were some Chips were brought. Headed back to Jenolan on the Tuesday as were working that evening. A short break for food in a breakfast cafe where Tall one left the keys to their new car left hanginging in the car door while they went inside. While eating they read an article in a toruist magazine that Jame sbrady the stressful Food and Beverage manager at Jenolan Caves had written, saying how he'd planned to upgrade the quality of Jenolan and retirn to the high standard food and service days of old. Stopped off in Blackheath at Evan's Lookout across the Grand Canyon valley of the Blue Mountains. In Katoomba Small found the RTA office and registered the car in his name, enquriying about upgrading his illegal Irish Provoisonal License to a full Australian one was told he'd need to sit the theory test and takle a practical test. A Theory tesy was booked for next Monday. Small ojne phoned James at Jenolan to fax proof of address to RTA, he mentoioned on the Phone that Jude from the Bistro was filing an insuranc claim againgst Jenolan for a bad trip / fall she had, and had put down Small as a witness. Small knew nothing about this and had not even seen anything. Back on the road and depressed returning to Jenolan again. In for work and James in he kitchen (after reading his article of improving high standards at Jenolan) annoucned they were going to try a new brought in frozen pork curry to be microwaved for the Bistro (which was bright red) and also asked if we'd try his new 5 meat stew. Small one asked what was in it, James said whatever meat was left over from the week. He then sold it re-heated and re-heated in the Bistro every day for the next week advertised as 'Kangaroo, Pork, Chicken, Beef and Lamb Stew'. It didn't go down well in any sense. Friday 7th August – Saturday 8th August A short shift in the restaurant that evening. Long enough to over hear a strange guests calling his two children 'Puppy' and 'Dinner' to stop running around and sit down. After work the worst staff meal ever made was handed to Tall and Small, which was just a bowl of warm, pale green mush... The concoction of 17 year old Mathew, Tall one asked him which Prison he sent off for the recipe from. Matthew has also recently got a tattoo on his arm of a roll of film, claiming it represented his love of movies (from his DVD collection his love of teen comedies and cheap action films). The next morning Small one was roistered to work 7.30am breakfast. Up at 6.30am and dressed to go, when he got to the restaurant he was told by Marie he was not needed. Back at the flat an hour later, ready for bed again there was a phone call and he was asked by Marie to go to the Bistro. Changed again and back down to work, followed by Tall one an hour later. A long day slaving over coffees and chips for Tall and Small left them both exhausted and pissed off with Jenolan House. After the un-necessary outbursts from their irate boss James, putting up with the tiresome jobs and 'ideas' given to them by Supervisor Marie which would be contradicted later, the days off which were ruined by being called in to cover an absence and finally the useless staff in the Bistro – Tall and Small were both about ready to leave Jenolan. Planning to travel to Sydney on bus and train after work Sunday afternoon and buy a campavan, they would soon have everything but money in place to leave... Thursday 6th August The day of a huge function for the Blue Mountains Hospitality and Tourism Awards. A 15 hour day for Tall and Small being made to run stacks of 80 chairs back and forth between function rooms, then told to bring them back, then take them back down again etc etc. To move 5 three seater sofas from downstairs up through the elevator into the dinning hall and then back down again. Laying up the dinner hall for the function a Pianist was tuning the piano in the corner and for over two hours was playing single keys over and over again..... everybody really wanted to shoot the bastard. When it came time for the function they were joined by eleven student helpers who had little brains to help serve. A young coloured guy in the group approached Tall and Small and shook there hand announcing it was nice to see them again? It was not nice to see him as his hand was moist and wet. Well over staffed there was not enough work to go round and a lot of staff just stood about bleary eyed. Marie briefed everybody and put them into teams allocating table numbers. When it came to service she fucked everything up by just grabbing anybody passing to take food to any table number she reeled off, leaving everybody, students and regular staff bemused to what was happening. This caused a big argument between Marie who got James to get Laura, Tara and Small one to the office and shout at them that he wouldn't give a fuck if he fired the lot of them....(over his girlfriends fuck up). This is one of many regular occurrence for James who working everyday in the kitchen non stop (particularly now he fired Tony for getting drunk) he is constantly run down and short tempered, working with a constant murderous facial expression. Tall one escaped the joys in the kitchen as he was allocated to pour wines for the guests. Spilling red wine over his own white shirt he was told to go to reception where they had some magic stain remover pen for red wine. At reception he asked for this remover and was handed a bottle of white office Tipex. Tall one said he'd rather have a red wine stain than Tipex. To make the evening even more enjoyable for Tall and Small, the rather camp organizer in a bow tie and red waist coat announced that he didn't want the waiters to wear black ties, and handed out multi coloured neck scarfs.... Tall and Small avoided putting them on until the last minute, and were made to look like some kind of camp bank robbers in a bad western. One guest even queried with Small one if he was Spanish or if there was a Spanish theme tonight? Another mysterious theme was found out when Small one found some cigarette but ends by the chocolate liqueurs and cleared them away, only to be asked by Marie why he threw them out as the cigarette butts were part of the 'theme'. None of these themes made the award ceremony anything more than dull. Even the guests exclaimed to Tall one how bored they were and asked where they could get stronger drinks than being served. Jenolan Caves won two awards for their cave tours, but nothing for hospitality. Thursday 30th July to Wednesday 5th August Small one was back in the Bistro on the Thursday. With Jude as the supervisor she cornered small one and kept offering him free 'stout' and lamb roasts, and then would bring up the subject of how she was dying and in debt again. Small one failed to mention all the calls we were getting in her old flat from debt collectors. Jude then produced a three page letter she claimed was from her mother dying in Hospital the other side of the country. She now exclaimed how she had no money to fly over there and she may not see her mother again, and then got on to the subject of how much money had Small and Tall saved for their car? They were short staffed that day and Tall one managed to hide in the flat on his day off, the soulless and miserable chef Louise informed Jude she could not help either due to an appointment that day. Small one got through the day with just himself, Jude and Antoinette (the 50 year old woman with a lazy eye, who up till now had seemed a little slow on the up take). The next day it was Tall one's turn to work in the Bistro. The chef, Louise announced she could work this day but only till lunch time due to an appointment in the afternoon. Jude on the other hand had gone even further with her sympathy plea. Tall one arrived to find her on crutches grumbling about with a bare foot out. It was then decided she had to go home, but only after she had shown off her crutches to everyone. Tall worked with Antoinette all day who took on the supervisor role and redeemed her useless image. Through Antoinette Small and Tall found out some other horror stories of Jude. How she'd borrowed $2,500 from the Supervisor Norma and it took her 6 months to get it back. Jude had also borrowed one waitresses digital camera and never gave it back, the girl said she needed it and would ask the manager about it and Jude changed her tune to say it had been stolen that week. Apparently she'd also been given community service for defrauding money from the government. The love of her life, the little girl Sascha had been left in the hands of the football coach for three nights over the weekend, when it had only been arranged for the coach to look after her till the evening after practice when Jude could pick her up. The coach had been phoning Tall and Smalls apartment to locate Jude as she'd been lumbered with the kid for days. Various members of staff at Jenolan have confirmed that Jude is suffering from Skin Cancer, Breast Cancer, Lung Cancer (but not in her lungs, between her heart and lungs) and has been under chemotherapy but still able to drive herself there and keep her hair. Tall and Small decided to not go for any of the roast dinner invites and avoid the sympathetic stories she feeds them from now on. On the Saturday the 1st August there was a big Wedding function in the evening which every table and chair was laid up for the meal in the restaurant, front and back rooms. The actual wedding ceremony being undertaken in the big Lucas Cave went badly, as one of the guides locked out half of the guests who had travelled to see it, and missed the whole thing. Small and Tall had to help lay the tables for the wedding room and were helped by a rarely seen organizer woman called Domino – who although had the name of a Bond Girl, certainly did not look like one. The restaurant part of the dinner went okay, although Tall and Small were delegated to serve other people in the restaurant. After the guests left that night Tall and Small were asked to re-lay the entire back and front room for breakfast. Breakfast the next morning not a single one of the chairs or settings in the back room was touched and they were told to then re-set them for evening dinner, taking another hour to do so. When they returned at lunch time they found Marie (the French/Canadian Restaurant supervisor with the shrill voice and bad decisions) stripping all the tables in the backroom down for a big eveniong function next Thursday. So they had re-set and re-laid for nothing. Wednesday 29th July Small and Tall decided to travel to Katoomba for the day and see the Jamison Valley. Leaving at 5.30am and borrowing Dave's car again, this time finding the radio had broke as well as the windows, and there was even more rubbish in the back than before. Arriving in Katoomba at 7.30am driving through a nice sun rise over the mountains. It was bloody freezing in Katoomba and so their time spent viewing the Three Sisters rock formation in the Jamieson Valley was very brief. Went to the cinema to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Was served by a Japanese man wearing a scarf behind the coffee counter who served them to damp and hot pies. In the screening of Harry Potter there was a group of down syndrome kids on an outing at the front who rocked throughout the movie. What was concerning was the two adult red neck males sat in the row right infront of Small and Tall. Who sat both in complete silence staring coldly at Harry Potter, until suddenly they started commenting loudly on what was happening on the screen, “Oh Harry don't”...”That's Funny, HA HA HA”. One of them then started to turn around and just stare at other people sat in the cinema, in particular at Small and Tall behind them. Eventually Tall and Small were so un-nerved they moved three rows back. At the end of the film, expecting the red necks to get their shot guns, they were surprised and relieved to see that they were infact with the down syndrome day trip. Food and general shopping was done. In Coles supermarket a little old lady called Small one over and held her finger on a price on a shelf and asked 'is that a 6 or an 8'. Small one said 'well if you move your finger I can tell you'. What was more disconcerting was that a seventy year old woman was asking the price of fanny pads. Back at Jenolan at 4.30pm Tall and Small investigated their flat for that lingering bad smell. Behind the fridge they found a dead mouse and opted to remove it by borrowing the Henry hoover from the restaurant. Down at the restaurant they asked Jude to get them the hoover from under the table, she said not to worry, that they could just borrow hers instead from up in her house. Tall and Small wondered why walking 2 miles up hill in the dark to get her own hoover instead of her handing them the one at her feet was logical. They asked Laura to get it for them instead and they were on their way. After sucking up the rodent they returned for the staff meal, bowl of lasagne. While eating it Jude came in from working in the restaurant again and the new chef Tony asked her if she was having a staff meal. She replied 'No, I'm in too much pain'. Tony inquired why, and she responded with the 'I suppose you may as well no everyone else does' and explained her cancer condition and financial situation. Tony managed to correct her on the condition she listed off and she went back to work with a trembling lip. Small and Tall went to bed to be awoken at 1.30am by a lot of loud shouting from upstairs in the staff apartments. It was the young Irish girl, Laura and the big chef, Tony. Yelling and swearing went on for about an hour, and Tony sounded very pissed up. Eventually James the manager who hired Tony came up and took him away, not very happy. It was found out later that Tony had gone drinking with the young apprentice chefs, Matt and Dave and gave out to them how useless they both are. It became heated and he had pinned Matt against the wall, until Laura stepped in and the two boys hid in their room until Tony was taken away. Tony was dismissed the next morning. Tuesday 28th July The first of two days off in a row. Another cave tour was booked at 1.15pm. The River Cave Tour guided by Ian, a white haired man with eyebrows in desperate need of a trim who referred to everyone collectively as 'kids'....'come along kids'...etc. The cave was nice enough, but caves in general were getting a little tiresome to Small and Tall. Particularly the same speech about stalagmites and stalagmites and not touching the rocks as the acid in your hands damages them. What made this tour worse was that there were 1300 steps involved, Tall and Small were exhausted and then Ian with his eyebrows would talk for 20 minutes at one spot about how the cave was different when he visited it as a boy in the 40's. Afterwards a much needed hot chocolate and carrot cake was eaten from the Bistro and photos taken of the parrots outside. In the evening Tall and Small decided to eat in the restaurant that they had been working in nearly every evening for the last four weeks. It was an interesting experience, mostly due to the different perspective of the guests, other staff and service from a seated position. Covering for them waitering was Jude from the Bistro. Who as always managed to slip in a reference to how little money she has and how her child has no one to take care of her when she goes from cancer. Small and Tall just wanted to eat their Rack of Lamb and Vegetable Involtini. The Vegetable Involtini usually being $26 on the menu contained only carrots and boiled potatoes in a pasty wrap? After food Small pne had a lot of missed calls. Turned out it was a campavan company which Small one had e-mailed a query to for when they purchase one. What followed was a torrent of calls from a desperate salesman to sell them something. Telling him all they wanted was an automatic two man campavan for around $4,000 the salesman would phone back saying he's just had come in a manual caravan for $7,500..... Monday 27th July Small one was clearing out stock rooms as he has done the last couple of Mondays, whilst Tall one worked Breakfast with Laura, the young Irish girl. Finishing at midday Tall and Small went back to the flat to find that Small's Small laptop had about ten ants crawling out of the keyboard??? After exterminating the ants Tall and Small went for an hour and a half walk down the River Track. Past a little water fall and past the Manson family, until they found a dead Kangeroo which Tall one posed for a photo next to. They came across two of the Jenolan Maintenance men working down in the sewage plant at the end of the track. Telling them about the dead kangaroo the two men said they better do something about that. They followed them up to it and watched as the two men just chucked the kangaroo in a bush. Back for lunch to find the Bistro Cafe hich had been packed the last four weeks was completely empty at 2pm (now Yule Fest and School Holidays were over). Tall and Small ordered pie and cold chips and whilst they ate Judith came and sat down and told them teary eyed more of her bad news with her cancer treatment that week. There was not much for Small and Tall to say back, they barely know the woman. Sunday 26th July Small and Tall both on Breakfast. Last night was the last big Yule Fest dinner and both had been promised that their hours would half in the coming weeks and they may regain consciousness. Working with Shelia over a very busy breakfast, Small and Tall are now both extremely sick of the music play list that is on every single morning for the restaurant. An album of pan pipe music, where men piss all over great hits like Perfect Day and Every Breath You Take with pan pipes. Followed by the same Frank Sinatra songs, Tall and Small can now recite the lyrics to New York, New York through grit teeth and tears. Sheila spoke about the special one off Yule Fest still to go that night, which was only for 18 adults and 10 children of one family who return each year for it. She said they were the Manson family, although later we found they did not share the same name as the serial killer, but were called the Mansfields. Sheila informed Small and Tall that the family were all a 'bit weird' and we were not to speak to them, particularly the young man in glasses as he will try and befriend you and come back and visit. That evening the family seemed relatively normal, with the exception of their many many young children running riot. Small one worked the bar, where a middle aged couple asked if he could put on any music. Small one informed them that there was a Christy Moore CD in the player, they said they would love to hear some traditional Irish folk music. Christy started singing about that whore he met, and the husband looked to the wife and told her this is what you wanted to hear. Back in the restaurant a family with two young children sat down. The two five-six year old children were scarily well spoken, the young girl turning to Tall waiting to take orders and informing him that 'Apologies for my brother, I am afraid he does take his time when ordering food'. Small one sat another couple who resembled a grey haired man with his over the hill Thai bride. Small headed back for the bar and informed the grey haired man and 'partner' that the Tall one's name was 'Michael' and he would be serving them for the rest of the night. Then for the rest of the night every time they asked Tall one for anything it was 'we'll have the Pork Michael'... 'What wine would you recommend Michael?'.... 'Michael we have a question'... 'oh thank you Michael'. Michael found it all a bit weary. The last weirdos to come in for the night was a woman with her odd looking son. Small one sat them at a table, pulling out a chair for the young man who avoided Small one and pulled out the other chair and sat. The woman finally sat down and when Small went to put her napkin on her lap she shrieked 'Ooh don't touch me!'. Indeed it was not just a phobia of Small people that they seemed to have, as when Tall one took over the service for the night he found that the boy refused to let go of the menu when he went to take it from them, and had to pull it fast out of his grip. The woman kept on and on about not wanting to find bones in her trout and when she went to show Tall one her room key and room number to charge te account, she held it up and well away from Tall one so he could not read or breath on it. When he leant forward to read the details she moved it further away from him as if he would infect it. The night finally ended only for Tall and Small to find yet another un-enthusiastic effort at the staff meals. Last night all they got was left over chicken legs and nothing else, tonight Tall and Small got rice in a bowl and all bits of mixed meat left over from the Yule Fest fucked in with it. Starting to feel like the Hotel's pet dog the way the kitchen only feeds them left overs or food from a bowl. Small one declined again, but made some of his very nice Hot Chocolate for everyone. Back at the flat, Australian Television was showing the end of Oceans Thirteen, followed by Oceans Eleven. They can;t even show a series of movies in the right order in this country. Friday 24th July Back in the bistro cafe again. Serving on the coffee and tea counter a little white haired woman in a bobble hat asked for a tea. Tall one asked if she wanted milk, she said 'yes, but I want to pour it myself'. Tall one took the cap off of the bottle of milk and handed her the bottle, to which she said, 'I'd like the cap as well'. Tall one did not understand why but gave it to her and watched as he put her money in the till. She started to nervously pour milk into the cap as a measure, then sharply looked up at Tall one and said 'don't watch me pour my milk'. Later over on the hot counter Tall one had another bright customer ask what kind of soup they had, Tall one said 'Pumpkin Soup', and the lady asked what was in it.... Tall one replied 'Pumpkin'. The rest of the afternoon was busy and made worse by one of the teenage girls throwing a teenage strop at Norma the Manager as if she were her mother. Walking out in tears, Tall one had to manage the hot plate alone until she returned in a strop. At the end of the shift Tall one and a young lad working during school holidays ran to get the stock for the Bistro from up the hill. As the Yute truck was out they had to trolley it down the stairs and hill. Three trips each and Tall one fell down the stairs almost breaking his ankle, then the jars of sauce all fell off the trolley and smashed or rolled down the hill towards the bistro. A big jar of Mayonnaise was broke all over the road which the Magpies started to eat. Small one was feeling better after another day of avoiding the bistro, but a busy morning serving breakfast with Sheila. Neither were keen on having another staff meal again though as tonight they served Kangaroo meat chopped into a bowl of rice. Skippy tasted a lot like Bambi, but Small one refused to eat again. Thursday 23rd July Small and Tall's day off. This was spent solely in the flat, with the exception of cautiously entering the Bistro cafe to get lunch without being asked to work. Unfortunately a day spent in the flat was un-wise, because the evening staff meals had consisted of meat with sauce and pasta in a bowl every night for the last week, Small and Tall's flatulence was not smelling to pretty. A lot of films and very bad Australian TV was watched. With an Australian version of Harry Hill's TV Burp, and numerous local TV advertising but broadcast Nationally. Adverts for a local school community football team in Darwin or a shop that sells Men's Fleeces on Fort Street in Alice Springs were both advertised across the country with their terrible low budget actors and graphics. Tall one also discovered that the water filter he had brought last Thursday actually made the tap water taste worse whilst Small one got sick and went to bed without watching any episodes of M*A*S*H. Wednesday 22nd July Tall one had a day working in the busy Bistro Cafe with the old ladies and teenagers whilst Small one worked breakfast then went and hid in the flat when he heard the Bistro were looking for him to. The Bistro was enjoyable as usual, with the joys of translating Asian, American and Indian customer requests.... Asian men stepping out of the queue and just demanding a steak sandwich.... 'we don't do steak sandwiches'....'I want steak sandwich'. Indians panicking at the sight of staff putting beetroot onto their burger 'what is that? What is that?'..... 'it's beetroot'.....'what is beetroot?'..... (Tall one holds out a piece)'it's this'. Then Americans asking for 'a Fish Fill'lay sandwich please'.... 'do you mean fish n chips'.... 'I'm sorry what did you say'.....'Fish N chips'..... 'you don't have fish fill-lay sandwiches?'...... 'no we have fish n chips'..... 'what is fish and chips?'....'it's a piece of fish (points at the fish) with some of these chips (points at chips)'.....'you get Fries with Fish and Chips?'..... 'you get Chips with Fish'. Then they ask where they can find the 'utensils?'..... 'you mean 'cutlery?'. There is also a whole brand of ice-creams that Tall one had not heard of called 'Gay Times'. He was a little curious when Mother's would usher there children over to the counter and point downwards and say 'Can I get a Gay Time?'.