Friday 8th - Wednesday 13th October 2010
A few really sunny hot days in Melbourne for the first time. Small one went off for the day to meet his friend Pat whilst Tall one sat in the park by the pub reading a book and noticed two Asians walking grey cats on leads like they were dogs. Small one took Pat to the Drunken Poet where the 30 year old Irishman had his first Guinness. From there they Randomly went to a Chinese Karaoke bar with two friends, and the four of them were booked into a private Karaoke room with just them, some sofas and a tv screen. Spent four hours sining Green Green Grass of Home and The Wizard of Oz. Sunday Small and Tall walked round in the sun in the Royal Botanical Gardens. They were nice but a bit to big. A roast in PJ O'Brien's where the singer (also called Pat) from The Corkman every Friday sings. He only seems to have a stutter when talking to Small one.
Kieran came back to the Corkman on Monday to a burst pipe on the pavement outside which had to be dug up while the pubs water was off. Second week in a row they hadn't made enough money to pay everybody's wages, but at least this week Kieran came up with it from his pocket instead of just not paying people and coming up with bad excuses. Small one said due to leave in two weeks, he begged him to stay, he said would see who he got in as Chef.
Small one very tired and struggling with tonsils again. Tuesday Night after work Small went to Melbourne hospital to get a prescription for throat, Tall one went with him. Arrived at 9.45pm to find waiting room only had four people. Waited for a long long long time. Ended up not getting hom till 4.30am. A little old woman with no neck wearing a pink dressing gown kept appearing and walking outside holding a cup of water and then back in again, this kept on through to 4am. Also a rough couple came in, his wife throwing up horrifically in the men's toilet, a big black guy fell asleep waiting so long next to Tall one and snored like a buffalo. The commonwealth games played for the whole time on the tv, Tall one had not watched so much sport in his life. Tall one tried to find a coffee machien but could not, wondered about outside on the street and found a seven eleven but the cashier said it is cleaning it will take long time.... gave up on coffee. Eventually at 4am Small one was seen by a 20 year old Indian doctor. The doctor said he wasn't sure about this and that and had to keep checking with someone, he asked why Small one was not on antibiotics, Small one said well that's why I am here.... The doctor then had to google what to give him and how much. The caretaker could have done that for him 6 hours ago!
Next morning, or later that Wednesday morning as it were Small called a day off work. It rained all day, after sun all week Tall one's two days off were soaked and with a sick Small one. Tall one went out to get Small one's prescription, on the way thought he get that coffee he never had a few hours ago... The first coffee place had a queue so went to the newsagent. Tall one told him the machine was off, he said it wasn't. It was and finally he came over and turned it on and told Tall one to wait while it warmed up. Tall one gave up and went to the coffee shop down the street. He ordered his long black which the Chinese fella couldn't understand the word 'takeaway' and when Tall one asked for a 'large' he pointed to a small cup and said 'this is our normal size and you want this one' pointing to the larger cup. Yes, that's why I said large. A woman took the money from Tall one as well as the money from four other customers who hadn't even been served yet. She then processed all four's money at once and gave back everyone's change except Tall ones. Tall one was then given his coffee and said to the woman where's my change? Oh she said, 'I get it for you' and then started making a sandwich. Tall one wasx not having much luck getting coffee.
Sunday 26th September – Thursday 7th October 2010
Nothing exciting. The fat 23 year old Chef whose name is Renee, Regina, Renatta, Reanna was fired after she turned out to be utterly hopeless, and also turned out to be on the same wage as General Manager Stacey. Stacey told horror stories of Kieran who changes the business name and ABN number each year for 'TAX' reasons and refuses to acknolwegde the minimum wage as he keeps trying to pay staff less than that. He also has two sets of books, once for he accounts and one for the tax man and the co-owner. Liam who took over Collums job is also on his way out Stacey does not like him or the blonde English bar girl Heather. She says they are both hopeless, but she does seem to have very high standards. When Liam goes he'll go back to the human Guinea Pig job in Melbourne which is something like a grand or 2 a week to stick stuff in you and see what happens. Small one handed in his notice as he is exhausted all day form the split shifts and sick of having to cover in the kitchen on his own as they are constantly getting rid of the chefs. Ha ving spent the last week tip toeing round Renee asking her how to do certain things ready for when she was fired, and her telling him they had plently of time to learn this.... Kieran being on holiday sent his wife round to chat to Small one about staying, and he's given 2 weeks and will see if they improve things. When the head chef was here, head chef and small one would start at the same time, but now head chef gone they won't even give small one a kitchen hand at the same time he starts.
Kieran back on Monday when Stacey plans to fire everyone on site in the pub and then sort out Small one. Kieran has a friend in his 50's who is a reported alcoholic and tax dodger whose taking over the bar supervisor job in a couple o weeks, should be interesting. In a big rain storm the other day the bar and kitchen roof leaked like a siv, with bucked between customers catching the water. The kitchen closed early as the electric light filled up.
Hostel going okay, but as soon as rent went up from $150 a week to $210 no booking have come in, next person due in 4 weeks time! However rating has gone up on Hostel World. Out of the 36 listed we are number 8 in highest ratings, but there happens to be 31 of the 36 cheaper than us... Usuals are still staying in the place. The Irish dorm have been stock piling manky shoes and socks in the hallway which tall one has binned. The two english boys seem to insist on walking round naked. One walked to the bathroom past Tall one with literally just his hands covering his crotch. Improvements still being made though, Tall one has arranged for a free pickup service to take residents to the air port bus shuttle terminal as well as free tram guides to be delivered from the metlink office. However someone did managed to break the toilet, it seemed to be one of the group of eight very camp 'actors' staying for two nights. The big bizarre Swedish viking handy man came in and broke the toilet seat examing it and then said we needed a whole knew toilet, china and all, when all it was was a little plastic button connection had snapped? The actors left the next day and one blonde bird lost her bracelet and was devasted, she'd spent hours looking through the bins and left this bizarre studio photo business card to call her. It turned up an hour later inside her quilt cover?
Days off have not been exciting, small one has had very few due to functions and sunday special, has barley had a day off, its like Jenolan. With some time off went to Captain Cooks Cottage in Fitzroy Gardens where they moved Captain Cooks 1700 Yorkshire home brick by brick to Australian in the 1930s for some reason. Tall and Small were bored to death by a northern irish women dressed in dollies talking about berries. They also noticed how the City coming into summer (though still pretty miserable weather) seems to have brought a lot more lunactics in (perhaps they migrate). People just standing at pedestrian crossings rambling and shouting to themselves seem quite common place nowadays. Tall one went to cinema to see some season of animated shorts for the Tim Burton season. Free entry but the place was full of children who literally ran up and down the aisles during the movie. Meanwhile some of the bar staff had reported seeing Tony in North Melbourne and surrounds on two occasions. The buyers had said they were leaving after 2 weeks, which is just about up, so Tall and Small wondering if Tony let them down? And wondered if they should spend the rest of their time hiding. They had some luck in though, when the Super Tax company came to renew their poster in the hostel and chatted to Small and Tall. They got their application in and had a $3,500 refund back for each out of their $5,000.
Tuesday 7th- Saturday 25th September 2010
Lots of fun at the Corkman Hostel and Pub. After all the stories of the plump middle aged cleaning woman with the face of a fat boy and a bowl haircut and how her useless 'cunt' (Kierans quote) of husband let her down in the sack so she had a new 70 year old 'friend' to have sex with. She turned up having a meal one night in the pub and introduced tall one to her husband (who had a blue plaster on every finger) her 'friend' and this embarrassed looking son.... who was the father was anybodies guess. She is slightly deranged and everybody does there best to avoid talking to her. Oneday Tall one went down for a mop to find she'd taken the head off every single one and taken them home with her as she puts them in her washing machine? When she brought them back she kept asking tall one if he'd seen her green toilet brush as it had gone missing??
Tall one had random days off work the cleaning covered by a French girl. Went to some bizarre Bob Dylan art exhibition on Southbank and took 2 hours in the rain to find the place as it was so small. Then got stuck talking to the woman for over an hour as she came from Maidstone. Went to the cinema in the evening to find that he was the only person watching the film until 5 minutes in a scared looking girl on her own turned up late. Renting a lot of DVD and managing to walk back to the store each week and realizing he did not bring the returns back each time. Rented Antichrist this very dark, beautifully filmed, film about a husband and wife torturing each other in the woods and seeing talking foxes and cutting out their own genitals... It was pretty grim, but that did not stop small one recommending it highly to everyone met in the pub. The new chef came back a week later and she said she'd rented it and it was 'interesting' poor girl. Small and Tall also tried the Seven Seeds coffee place two blocks over as Dennis (Staceys partner who'd been in the last few nights pissed as a fart, and usually says nothing, but now would not stop talking rubbish, even mentioning how little endowed he was), and Rohan (the werid english barman) both got very excited about how great the coffee at Seven Seeds was, it was unbelievable. Tall and Small went in to find the place was like a converted warehouse, with plyboard walls and bikes hung on the wall. All the staff were camp as Christmas and there was more staff than customers, with about eight of them behind the counter when all they did was toast sandwhiches and make coffee. The coffee verdict was pretty average, it was just coffee.
Kieran was due to go back to Ireland for three weeks (to promote his children's book? Wonder if he kept from swearing in it). His last weekend there they had a pub raffle and the prize was the free hire of his own band which he valued himself at $1000. Surprisingly someone in his own family won the prize. He also told Stacey he wanted Colum gone as he was hung over all day shut the pub early every night and had quit drunkenly one day and then forgotten about that. Though it was Kieran who wanted him gone he asked Stacey to do the firing why he jetted across the globe. We also heard how he'd phoned up immigration to tell them Pat and Ailise had stopped working for him and they needed to be out the country, so the immigration then got onto Pat and canceled his visa. On Google search it was also found that for the reviews for The Corkman Pub Kieran had reviewed it himself in his own name and said how it was home from home and he was lucky enough to be there on the traditional music night and it was incredible.... this man has no shame.
Meanwhile Noreen left then came back had another going away then her car 'Carla' was stolen, so she had another going away then the police randomly turned the car up south of the river and they had another going away, and she finally left on the road in her newly found car. Had had a going away in the Drunken Poet where the little woman who runs the place Shervon? Runs the place single handed she always remebers tall one's name, but small one goes in more than Tall one and she can never remember his name. So it's oh hello Michael, how are you Michael.... oh wheres Michael Today. But for small one its oh.. hello... how are you hows Michael?. Oneday when small had been waiting for someone in the pub then left she said to him here write down your NAME and telephone number here in case he comes in later.
Had a nightmare selling poor Tony. Had a few people view, get excited then drop out. Then no interest for weeks then all of a sudden phone would not stop. German couple ver interest paid deposit for us to get required road worthy certificate and test done. Very very hard to explain things to them as english painfully bad. Asked when do you leave Melbourne, to which there response was 'yes we like Melbourne'. No, no when do you leave? Then they respond with 'we go all way around Australia....'. Oh right just buy the van. Then the mechanic came back and said about $500 in small repairs, two new back tyres needed and the rust was so bad underneath that it would cost $2000 or more to fix with a panel beater. Small offered him $600 cash just to pass he said no it was a death trap. Stacy recommended a mechanic (actually just a car rental shop) in St Kilda who just gives you a cert for $200 so rearranged after a lot of trouble with translating with the Germans that they could buy next evening. Then St Kilda man messed us around after we drove all way down he said he could not sign one himself needed to wait till Monday then asked us to phone back and phone back again incase he found someone else. He also said you'd give me $200 then i'd take you to a mechanic who'd check th van over and he'd charge whatever.... Well the fee was usually $120 with a mechanic just to check it so why were we paying this dodgy guy $200 to do nothing. Gave up on him and decided to run with an offer from an English speaking Irish couple in St Kilda who'd take Tony with no cert for $3,500 that night snd pay all repairs themselves. We gave the germans back there deposit and sold Tony to the irish told them about his fuel gage broken, the leak in the back the screech when you start the car sometimes and the two new tyres they would need. Did not mention the rust work needed as if we had never been to another mechanic but suggested they got road worthy from this guy in St Kilda on Monday. But in the end Tony was sold goodbye Tony. Caught the train back to Melbourne central. At least small one could now sleep at night as previously he'd be jumping up and looking out the window to check on Tony everytime he heard someone walking past at nighttime.
New chef started downstairs, a big, 23 year old girl called Renee (if going by what Stacey says) who Reanna (if going by Small one) or Regina (if going by Colums memory). She started off okay, and was taken on full time. Then she started undressing in the kitchen infront of small one showing off her dirty string vest. Then she started getting real lazy not washing dishes at all and walking round with hands in sleeves. Under pressure she collapsed and the busy period ended up with Stacey shouting at them all, poor Small one was sick of bailing her out and was ending up working very long days and being exhausted every day. She is currently under review again and may be replaced soon. Colum due to leave in a couple of days and Stacey has replaced him with an Irish lad who was working in the bar with no managerial experience, and after a few days of training shes already complaining about who unenthusiastic he is.
Hostel was getting very busy now 17 people in instead of the usual 6. Two real rough 18 year old english birds checked in ad broke Tall one's book shelf. Randomly the night before they arrived Stacey announced that three of Kierans friends were coming to stay in the hostel (he was still away). They were in their 70's, two men and a woman and were coming to play the big Thursday band session. They had previously stayed here and got the whole 6 bed girls dorm to themselves and stayed for free. Well this time Kieran had said charge them half price. They also could not have the 6 bed dorm as every dorm had people in, and the only one with enough space (as the could not go in the female only dorm with girls in there) was the 12 bed. They looked quite shocked when Tall one explaiend they'd be in with another 8 backpackers... and they would have to pay. They asked if Kieran knew they were coming, Tall one said yes, he said half price. They had rocked up at reception and had put there bags outside the girls dorm and were waiting to be let in, before tall one broke the news. They turned out to be okay, and strangley the rough english birds moved beds so the old men could have the bottom bunks. The first night they were here Stacey gave closed up the bar and gave them some beers and wine to take upstairs even though a no alcohol rule in hostel. Next day tall one cleaned up the bottles and that night Colum was one bar not Stacey. When at 11pm they asked to take drinks up he refused and said no drinks aloud upstairs. They were not happy and were drunk as it was. Saying they were great friends with the owner Kieran and Colum obviously didn't respect that, and that they could phone Kieran in Ireland now and tell him how they were here with this idiot who did not want to serve them. They ask him if he valued his job and blur blur blur. Colum did the right thing but in the wrong way, he said no to them with his usual real condescending manner and already had a chip on his shoulder as Kieran had sacked him and he had a couple of days to go. Tall and Small ran upstairs and tried not to get involved. Colum was closing up before 11pm as usual, when he was due to stay open longer thats why he was getting fired.
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