Sunday 24th April 2011
A 3 hour flight, with Small one sat next to an old lady who kept having horrific coughing attacks, and then fell asleep with her head lolled back, mouth agape and strings of drool between the top and lower lips between the loud snores. At a few points she turned heads with her impressive death like coughing or snoring. Melbourne Airport at 8.00am Australia time and breezed through customs, no questions. Our bags happened to be the last off the plane though. Jumped on a Skybus to the City to which the driver did his over rehearsed jokes about ‘does anybody want to drive the bus or do you want me to?’.... ‘please take your bags with you, you can leave your money if you like....”. Get me off this bloody bus!!
Transfer from station to The Elephant Backpackers on Flinders Street, it was very cheap and central but as Tall and Small walked in they remembered why they were so happy to have left the shit pit back in August. With it’s weird staff, weirder residents, paper thin walls and partition walls which did not reach the ceiling, no power points, dirty signs everywhere aggressively threatening residents to do this and no do that... Had a great warm welcome back to Melbourne all round. After being up for over 27 hours straight couldnot check in at 9am was told to wait until 1pm, and was also told we could not store our bags unless we paid $7 per bag. So we staggered into the City with our bags to wait until 1pm. Sat in McDonalds hoping for free wifi, but they had no plugs. While ordering they stood in inch deep water which two McDonalds staff were emptying gallon buckets out onto the tiles and moping round, splashing it right up to Tall and Small’s feet as they stood aiting for their order from the pushy little Chinese girl behind the counter. Up to Bourke Street and a Big Issue seller was sat with a cat on a leash opposite a 70 year old man in a scruffy shirt, jeans and a karaoke machine singing gut wrenching 80’s love ballads with no music. Sat in Federation Square staring into space for an hour and then finally checked in at 12pm. Into the same twin room as in August 2010, laying trying to sleep listening to the all clear voices, conversations and whispers coming from behind each of the four walls in the room. Felt like being in a mental home with whispers crowding round from unseen corners. Welcome to Melbourne....
That night Small one went to the Celtic club to see a Celtic / Rangers match and met up with Corkman Pub regular Leo. Also there was Corkman Hostel previous resident, Mike who was so pissed his friends had more or less left him alone to stagger around talking rubbish. Meanwhile Tall one went to the Cinema to see Brighton Rock, which was a bit boring.
Saturday 23rd April 2011
Check out at 10am. Storing bags for day and booked bus for 10pm to the airport. Went and had breakfast at the same place as Thursday. Very sugary breakfast with a children’s smoothie which raised eyebrows in the kitchen for some reason? Back at Hostel to spend the day waiting to leave the country and fly back to Melbourne at 6.15am tomorrow. Day on the internet, laptops and reading... Ventured out in the afternoon and walked to the Avon river and ordered a small meal and a couple of beers from the riverside cafe by the Punts. Fed some ducks some cucumber, and then the cafe turned into a weird hospital drama (the hospital being just by the river as well). Suddenly paitents appeared in dressings gowns, in wheelchairs on drips.... then suddenly a doctor sat down on the table by us, you knew he was a doctor because he proudly wore his stethoscope?? It felt more like a sarcastic doctor/patient fancy dress party by the river.
Sat back in the hostel until 10pm listening to a very country tinker sounding Irish man impressing Japanese tourists by dressing up in a kilt. Caught bus to airport with an over chirpy Mauri woman driving and talking too much. Dropped us off at 10:30pm, our check in was not until 3.15am, and flight at 6.15am.... but at least we saved a nights rent???
Straight in the door we were accosted by an airport woman asking if we wanted somewhere to stay. We were cautious incase she threw us out, but she explained that nothing was open between midnight and 3am, and we had to stay out the way of the 1,000 arrivals coming between 10.30pm and midnight. She then left us alone and we looked around the airport which was very small and looked like a homeless shelter. People had draped sleeping bags, blankets everywhere. Each corner or wall space you found had some person huddled there on the floor. Finally settled just for a chair and sat dreary eyed staring into space until 3am when the rest of the check in area opened. Checked in and then had to wait another couple of hours until boarding. Walked on board like the living dead along with everyone else at 6.15am.
Friday 22nd April 2011
Up and had some awful garlic bread for breakfast. Rented out the Jailhouse bikes, which were actually Choppers with only one gear and front brakes. Cycled down the street and followed the spiralling little river and paths until got down to the main road and down to Ferrymead. At Ferrymead spied from across the bay the old Ferrymead House which tall one had made a bizarre documentary about the ‘eccentric’ man living alone there. The house had survived the earthquake, even though the turf around them had huge gaping, running cracks in. They spent ten minutes spying on ‘William’ with zoom camera lens as he sold flowers at his house. Cycled on down to Sumner on the main road. A lot of parts of the road were condensed down with cones and tape to filter traffic past a lot of fallen cliffs. At Sumner itself the iconic Shag Rock had fallen in half, leaving just a stump of what it used to be. Had a great roast after a long search for food. Cycled back using the direct main road, with very sore arses and stiff arms.
Had a bizarre e-mail back from the Super Tax Refunds agent about processing our refund. Conor had asked for an estimated refund amount as that would be a big help to know asap. His response was a bizarre story that he knows how important these things are to backpackers, as once he had this girl working for him in a restaurant and when she left she gave her a tub or spaghetti bolognaise when he dropped her at the bus stop so she had some food when she arrived at the next place. Then apparently she left it at the bus stop and phoned him crying about the spaghetti bolognaise..... I’m sorry what? Exactly who have I put in charge of my refund here?
Thursday 21st April 2011
Breakfast at an expensive but nice coffee shop. Started the long tax refund process online with the same company that screwed Tall One over back in October/November. Walked round to Botanical Gardens and went on a punt ride up the Avon River... a bit bizarre. CBD still closed off with army guards, moved back slightly on the back streets, but very little changed except a Burger King had been demolished. Have half been expecting to feel an aftershock as they had a 5.1 shake last Saturday followed by two more that weekend, but so far nothing. Brought some food in Pak n Save and bumped into Tall One’s old housemate Chris from 2008. He was still doing well, given up drum teaching and been getting a lot of gigs and awards with his jazz band. Back and cooked in the Jail and did nothing for rest of day.
Wednesday 20th April 2011
Very cloudy day at Kaikoura, could not see the mountains at all. Had an expensive breakfast next door and basically sat in the hostel sitting room all day complaining. Jill came back from her whale watching and explained how she’d spent the morning throwing up into a carrier bag. Brought some more fish n chips for lunch, which proved a little better than yesterdays. However, the new staff member was even slower than the last. When my food was ready she called out number 12! I stood there and said “yes”, to which she asked “are you number 12?”. I said yes, she then asked if I was sure? I looked around to see I was the only customer in the shop and remembered I was also infact the last person she had served.... “Just give me my chips”. Back to hostel and ate while watching some terrible reality tv shows. Caught bus at 4pm. Another hideous journey, only 2 and a half hours. Nowhere to sit except next to a big girl eating crisps and hugging a pillow. The driver insisted on having the heating on full blast, so under tight confinement dragged off the jacket and tops. Then noticed (along with the rest of the bus) that the driver was infact falling asleep at the wheel. His eyes were real puffy and half closed, and he kept just drooping his head and closing his eyes then jolting back up and yawning.... a few people went up and kept asking him to turn the heat off, but he never listened and slowly heated himself into oblivion. Thankfully made it to Christchurch in one piece, however because of the moved drop off point (as CBD still closed from earthquake damage) had to walk for about 45 long minutes with heavy bags to get to the Jailhouse Backpacker, getting lost in the park on the way and was given very pedantic directions from two middle aged women (then there’s a tyre shop, then there’s a bit of rubble, then there’s a tattoo shop, then some railroad tracks....). Checked into the Jailhouse, and it was literally a jailhouse. Converted old prison in Addington suburb. Bars still on windows, and dorm beds in the cells with large, heavy steel doors to bolt and unbolt to get in. Was quite an experience. The suburb was a bit rough so dodged past the drunks to get a dominos pizza and came back in hid in our cell.
Tuesday 19th April 2011
A bit of a lie on, then up and a long walk to the nearest supermarket. Weather was very nice. Walk round the very pebbley beach, with great views of the snow capped mountain range above the small highstreet. Then headed up the coast for a 3-4 (slow walking time) hour loop track round the peninsula. Stopped at a crayfish shed cafe for a crayfish fritter and a coffee. Then cut across the low tide rocky beach to the seal colony. Took us by suprise that suddenly someone called out to us “there’s a seal there”, to turned around and have a seal lion roaring at us from a few feet away. Everyone else cutting across the beach then seemed to be almost treading no them or find one lurching out a bush at them, they were just laid about everywhere round the footpath and car park like big brown slugs.
After the seal lions, walked up and around the high cliff top walk, some good rugged coastal scenary, and some views and photos from the exact same spots that tall one had seen when he’d past through in December 2008. Got back to the highstreet with red hot flushed faces from sun burn, but goosebumps from the cold evening setting in. Spent an hour online moaning to previous employers about un-paid super and un-sent payslips, before back to the hostel for takeaway food of pizza and some very fresh fish n chips. Tall one went to the same fish n chip shop he used back in 2008, but the place was now being run by a rather blunt, bored woman who when asked to recommend a nice, fresh fish responded by saying “there all fresh ain’t they”. Back to the hostel with the inadequate and disappointing fish (Vinegar was an extra $1??) to find that Jill (from Fox Glacier, Greymouth and Nelson) was continuing to stalk us back to our current hostel.
Monday 18th April 2011
Up early for the bus at 9.10am. Breakfast in the hostel kitchen, watching the very very strange family who ate there last night as well. Consisting of a single dad, two young teenage boys, a young boy and a young girl. The young boys come and lay the table with cutlery, very precisely. Then each goes about there strict instructions form the father to bring the plates, bring the saucepan... “go to the kitchen and bring me a knife, but say the woman ‘excuse me please’ to get to the draw”. Then the father dishes it all up, one plate and one knife is handed to each child and then one slice of toast, “if you don’t want to eat it you shouldn’t take so much as somebody else might want it”. A lovely strict, repressed family scene which I could easily imagine any of the children growing up into serial killers.
Bus journey for a couple of hours and then had to get off to change buses in Blenheim, but had to wait for 3 hours for the next bus. There was NOTHING in Blenheim, except a McDonalds where all the staff were very nervous, and families let their toddlers run around and into the public toilets bare foot.
Bus finally came and just another 2 hours on to Kaikoura. Fifteen minutes in the driver says he has to stop for a half an hour break at a petrol station, so another half hour waiting around. Finalyl made it to Kaikoura and checked into the Fish Tank hostel over decorated with marine animal paintings, but very friendly and clean place (with freezing cold rooms however).
Went out for dinner, and ate a cheap steak meal, followed by trying the one and only Irish pub for a Guinness or dessert. Walking in the place was completely empty, which was soon explained by the appearance of the barmaid.... who was Fran the dear “oh my God” friend from the Tauranga New Zealand days, with a face like a Rottweiler chewing on a bee. She’d been stuck working in Kaikoura for the last THREE winters.... didn’t stay to long and managed to stay the otherside of the street for the rest of the trip.
Sunday 17th April 2011
Day trip from Nelson to Abel Tasman national park, and the weather was actually pretty good. A dodgy McDonalds breakfast and then a 7.30am bus to Kaiteriteri, where the woman bus driver did this awkward, child like commentary which stopped and started for the hour trip, depending on if something popped into her head or not. Once in Abel Tasman took a boat trip to Medland Bay and had to walk the 4 hours down the coast to Anchorage Bay. It was a great walk, nice clear ocean water, sandy beaches, tropical forest and sun shining. At the end was picked up at Anchorage by the same bus and taken back to Kaiteriteri to wait for return bus to Nelson. The boat however could not dock all the way in due to tide changes, so everyone had to walk down a ramp that lead into the ocean and then wade in knee deep water to the beach. Tall and Small went first and then stood on beach and watched as children jumped in up to their armpits and came out in tears, old women thought they’d be clever and leave their shoes on and try and ‘jump’ to the beach.... which even tall and small could not do, but were happy to watch her try and fail miserably. Long wait for the bus and finally got on a long minibus of 8 people. The driver was a middle aged guy with a pony tail and sunglasses or started his own, slightly aggressive commentary all the way home, without ever realizing that the few rows behind him were all leant against the windows asleep, and the rows after that could not hear a word he was saying as he had no microphone. So an hours return journey watching a man speak to himself was mildly entertaining.
Back at Hostel and went out for pizza which ended up being either $10 for one large or $13 for 3 medium sized.... the guy who served us in Pizza Hut did the usual ‘where are you from?... what part?’ to small one, who said ‘Dublin’, to which the pizza cashier claimed ‘oh I own an expensive restaurant there’. He was actually quite insistent about this point, but failed to mention why the owner of an expensive restaurant in Dublin would be masquerading as a Pizza Hut cashier in Nelson, New Zealand?? Ate the pizza back at the hostel and was joined by Jill who had a new friend, a middle aged, vegetarian woman who was travelling alone on her UK redundancy money ''the same as Jill?? ('',) '' . A serial dinner, with Tall and Small eating Pizza followed by hot rice pudding and a chocolate egg of which the two women took a lot of disgust. After the laundry, bed by 8.30pm.
Saturday 16th April 2011
Very wet rainy day, all day... Had a breakfast out where the slow girl serving us managed to take our food to another table when she came out, and the other table didn’t mention anything. They also had wooden childrens puzzles on the tables. Headed down to South Street the oldest preserved street in NZ.... it looked like cheap timber, cheaply painted 6 months ago? Then the strange, modern art Cathedral with the eager pastor with posters for his choral show in half an hour and not a sole in the place. Back to hostel to read and eat jacket potatoes. Then by 5.30pm rain had stopped, walked up the botanical lookout which is supposedly the geographical centre of NZ. Had a lot of very confusing signs, or no signs but also lots paths that all seemed to go to the same point anyway. Had a great view of a lot of bad weather anyway....
Friday 15th April 2011
Went to checkout downstairs and nobody about at 9am, had to phone and wait for him to get back from food shopping. Hung around in library, Freedom recruitment who got Tall one data entry work back in July 2010, had still not paid his super. He sent a pissed off e-mail to which they got very snotty back and put him in bad form for the day. Then Jill, the lady travelling on her own on the Glacier Tour turned up in the library, said hello.
Got on bus an hour early at 12.15pm, after having an enormous breakfast. The driver did a few pickups, including Jill who was also going to Nelson and staying at the same YHA hostel as us. The bus was a very very small 30 seater, and very little leg room. It was a horrendous journey, not only as it was 7 hours long, but there was a fat ginger 10 year old girl vomiting two seats up, the bus was almost full and a German and USA backpacker spoke ENDLESSLEY for the 7 hours about all crap under the sun. From politics to how many does you can shoot compared to bucks.... and how the Chinese don’t like war.... sweet Jesus everyone wanted to murder them both.
After a brief and welcome sop at Pancake Rocks, we finally arrived under darkness at 7.10pm. Walked to hostel with Jill and checked in where an over enthusiastic Asian receptionist did her saleswoman speel about getting a YHA card. We asked if we brought one if we’d save the $3 extra we were paying for the current booking for being non-members, she said no e wouldn;t but she could give us $30 off the booking price?! Oh right. In the end it worked out either $217 to pay and not join, or $223 to pay and join? So we paid the extra few dollars each and became members to a hostel chain we are not using again.
Went out for pizza with Jill. A strange restaurant with enormous pizzas. When you go to leave by the same door you came in by, the exit door on the side of the restaurant is labelled ‘Rest Rooms’. So to leave you go through here to the landing where you can go down the stairs and out or choose one of two new doors on your right, one labelled ‘1’ and the other labelled ‘2’. The mystery was solved as when the doors were opened they were just toilets, but why numbered 1 and 2? Was one only for number 2s? Back to hostel by 9pm, another late night on the town with a middle aged woman.
Thursday 14th April 2011
Up and packed and showered by 8am, and out and brought breakfast. Expected the bus to Greymouth at 1.15pm, it wasn’t until we sat down and stared to eat at 8.40am that Tall one noticed the paperwork said 8.45am bus and that 1.15pm was tomorrows bus. Tall one ran down to the bus stop and grabbed the driver just as he was starting the engine and pulling away, said they’d mixed up the times and would he mind waiting 5 minutes for them, it was up to him. The driver said fine and he’d meet us outside the backpackers. 4 minutes later we were at the bus, it was only 8.49am. The driver went off on one how it was always the ‘naked bus lot which were always rude, rocking up at the last minute late, didn’t care and it was always the same with us people’. Tall one did point out to him that they hadn’t been rude to him at all, that is was a genuine mistake. He did however apologize at the coffee stop later on and said he shouldn’t have gone off on one like that.... Either way, what an arsehole.
Got into Greymouth for 1 night, even the Lonely Planet says there’s sod all to do here. Checked into Duke Backpackers where the Jewish lady gave us chocolates and the history of the building, it took another 15 minutes to be shown around, and her husband popped up with a child and told her to upgrade us for free to an ensuite private room. It was a pretty big place with the walls were all painted bright green, blue and yellow, and they gave away free 30 minutes online and free soup daily. When asked if they were busy, she said they had one double room full. The place did seem full of weirdos despite what she said. The free soup was like dirty water.
In the end after skipping breakfast, skipped dinner too and sat in bed watching CSI until falling asleep about 7.30pm, rock n’ roll lifestyle....
Wednesday 13th April 2011
Up for breakfast at 7.30am, then over to the Fox Glacier cafe and guided walk depot at 8am. Expensive food and a sparrow begging for food inside the carpeted cafe. 9.10am everyone called in to be checked in for the glacier full day walk. About 30 people, half off them young, dick head backpackers talking about how wasted they were. The guides stood and talked us through the day putting in their monotonous jokes that they do every single day. Were given plenty of warm clothes, boots and gear etc and bus down to the glacier. Split into 3 groups, and went with the slower, adult group at the back with the mellower guide who didn’t feel the need to reel off his rehearsed jokes.
In our group was a group of 4 american friends, 2 guys, 2 girls, the 2 guys spent the day throwing stones at every possible oppurtintiy, down into ravines, or even across the raoad when waiting for the bus. Then there was 2 parents from Manchester and their 19 year old son Mathew who they’d come out to travel with after he’d been through the Christchurch earthquake, finally other than Tall and Small there was a middle aged woman named Jill who seemed to be a very nice person. It was a really good day, weather was fine, the mountain tops had clouds hanging over them either side of the glacier. The glacier was clear and no rain until just before getting back on the bus. Did think however that with all the stopping and starting and detours it could have easily been condensed into a half day tour.
After the tour went for food in a bar, and the English family and English woman Jill all turned up and sat with us. Actually spent a couple of hours socializing (5 English and 1 irishman), and spent $74 on food and drink. Back in bed by 9pm.... a late night.
Tuesday 12th April 2011
Up and out by 8am waiting to catch bus at 8.50am to Fox Glacier down at Wanaka water front. Bus turned up early and we were gone by 8.45am. 4 and a half hour trip to Fox Glacier. The driver made 4 stops on the way, sight seeing stops and stops at cafes where he is obviously on a commission. Compared to the 8 hour Christchurch – Dunedin bus which made 1 stop only. The last stop was a salmon farm in the middle of nowhere which was a bit random.
Dropped off in Fox Glacier midday, actually quite a nice little street, and the backpacker lodge was very well set up, the best we’ve been in so far. Paid a lonely old man in an unsuccessful minibus service to take us to Lake Mathieson for the loop track that has great views of Mount Cook. Turned out the Mount got clouded over and had no view whatsoever of the Mountain, and it was just an adequate lake walk....
Back in town and tried out the spa tub at the back of the hostel. I was red hot, and got stewed along with an American couple who actually turned out to be not that annoying. Cooked dinner ourselves or pizza and chicken, cheese wraps followed by rice pudding. Kitchen was mad busy, and some annoying group had brought a toddler with them who seemed to be pissing everybody off. Bed by 8am watching the one tv channel they had, which was showing Gordon Ramsey’s Hell’s Kitchen on a tiny 14 inch tv suspended from the far ceiling corner.
Monday 11th April 2011
After spending the night in the Matterhorn South hostel it is actually quite a strange place. The bathrooms are completely made of wooden timber, and so when you’re sat on the toilet it feels like you’re sat inside a packing crate. The toilets, showers and bedroom are all so small and pokey hat you have to walk sideways to get about, and opening a window may cause somebody the otherside to lose an eye. Tall one made breakfast this morning, and on the counter were three large glass jars, the first two labelled coffee and tea, and the third un-labelled but had white sugar in it. Tall one spooned on the sugar as it seemed logical to have tea, coffee and sugar in a row, before he notice the jar was labelled the otherside and said ‘salt’. Who keeps salt in a jar with a spoon next to tea and coffee?? Then the cleaning started of the hostel between 10am and 1130am, where literally five people came in, one with a broom doing the ceilings, another moping toilets, another doing laundry, another doing the kitchen, the place is tiny but they had so many cleaners it made you dizzy.
Left to do the walk up the left side of Lake Wanaka this time. Stopped to buy a packed lunch in New World supermarket. Small one asked at the deli for one of their hot sausages, and when he asked what type of sausage it was, the Asian attendant said ‘ a bit of everything, they are not very good sausages...’. Sat and ate a sausage roll by the lake while a mallard duck with a golf ball sized tumour under it’s eye, which did not help their appetite. A 1-2 hour walk up the lake, which for no reason at all was exhausting, most of the time was spent dodging dog turds left on the path. The weather was overcast, but the scenery still good. Back for a large coffee and hot chocolate, and then an afternoon doing nothing in the weird hostel. Followed by a surprisingly nice $11 pasta at a hideous looking Asian takeout place, then back and in bed by 8pm as usual.
Sunday 10th April 2011
Up and out to catch bus to Wanaka at 8.50am. Had a McDonalds breakfast on the way and then met the English bus driver who was so nervous he barely managed to inform the whole bus where we were going that day. Short 2 hour journey to Wanaka. Checked in to a nice enough hostel and headed out for a lunch from New World supermarket. Walked up to Mt Iron and round the loop track which took a breathless hour, this time with water. Nice views over the lake, surrounding mountains and fields of low lying houses. Came down past puzzle world and back to town for a large coffee and a large beer before the 1 hour Eely point loop track round the side of the lake. Back to the supermarket to buy pre-baked potatoes and a pre-roasted chicken for dinner.
Saturday 9th April 2011
Lie in for a while, and finally up for lunch at a dodgy cafe. Expensive but disappointing jacket potato.... followed by an attempt to climb up Queenstown Hill walk. Tall one was exhausted, his legs buckled and was out of breath and that was even before they got to the start of the track, that was just walking up the steep residential hills. Got about halfway round the track very slowly, with no water, and made it to a look out where a small bird kept trying to land on them. Headed back down and fell asleep in the hostel at about 5pm, through to the next morning....
Friday 8th April 2011
Day trip to Milford Sound. Bus at 6.50am, but due to an email from naked bus found in spam folder, which stated bus pickup now at 7.30am, we weren’t sure which time to go for. So got there at 6.30am and sat eating subway served by some half asleep moron. Bus came and this rather brisk man asked who had booked though hotels, and let them all on first. Then who had booked via naked bus and bunged us on last. He only found one of our two bookings, but eventually let us both on anyway. The bus had a glass ceiling to help see more scenary, but ended up just giving everyone sun burn on top of their heads.
Bus left at 7.30am and did not arrive at Milford Sound until 1.30pm. Drove via the route Tall and Small had came in on yesterday, stopping for lots of toilet breaks as most of the bus was full of elderly people. One of which was a 65 year old woman taking her 85 year old father to Queenstown and Milford Sound before he died, they lived in the north island. He was pretty sharp still and still quite mobile. The driver then made lots of ‘quick 5 minute’ stops for photos, and one place we filled our water bottles out the stream, which he claimed was clean enough to drink as it flowed straight off the glaciers. Driver made lots of commentary filled with his over rehearsed, droll humour, such as we want you all taking advantage of the breaks to excerise your legs as we don’t want you getting off the bus at Milford Sound walking like a half open pocket knife.... ho ho ho... Nice scenery on the way through the fiordland, some snow topped mountains, large valleys and more public toilets... Small one had some german backpacker sticking her knees in the back of his chair all the way there however.
Milford Sound trip was also very good, 1 and half hour on large 3 tier boat. Out on the large lake through the huge cliffs and rock formations jutting out water. Clear blue skies that day, and a little sun burnt on top decks. The boat was then backed into a large waterfall where everyone on the open deck got drenched. Back on the bus, and only a 4 hour trip back this time, and very few toilet breaks. Tall one tried to go in the coach toilet but the bus was so unstable round the tight corners that he could not stand still long enough to go and gave up. The driver almost persuaded Tall and Small to take a helicopter flight for $300, but too much money. Got back to Queenstown and ate a Fergburger each before going to bed.
Thursday 7th April 2011
Up early to make sure we caught the bus to Queenstown. Had a Subway breakfast which was alright, followed by a long black in the hostel. Checked out and lugged our ruck sacks painfully the otherside of town where the bus was leaving from. Got there one hour early and waited in the visitor’s centre and watched in horror as the weirdos gradually arrived one by one waiting for the same bus. Thankful the Dunedin bus arrived with the same Mauri bus driver who brought us down a few days ago and he took a load of the weirdos back there. Our bus was a lot smaller, and the driver spent ten minutes explaining to some poor asian guy that he’d booked 7th march not 7th april. Some real rough, kiwi guy came and sat infront of us and stank as well as spoke a load of bollocks to everywhere nearby, so we made it clear we were moving to the back of the bus “for more leg room”. Finally the bus left and to our dismay headed back through town to pick up some backpacker waiting outside our hostel that we’d left an hour and a half ago.
When the driver stopped to pick someone up in a small town the rough kiwi guy showing everyone his arse crack as he got up and sat down left the bus to go and buy a lotto ticket... so everyone had to wait for him to get back. Then we stopped in a place called Mossburn where unexpectedly everyone had to get off the bus, half of us had to wait half an hour for another bus going to Queenstown and the other half to the bus to Te Anau. Apparently this was never a direct service anyway. Waited in the nearby cafe to have some food. Went to counter to order food from the little old lady with glasses. Small one asked “how much are you pies?” She nodded and gestured with her hands, said nothing and then found a menu and held it out to small one and pointed at the price.... Tall one presumed that because she did not merely tell him the price that she must be mute. Then small one asked her another question, “how big are the pies?”. This time she, again said nothing and thought a while until she held her hands in a cup shape showing him the size. She is definitely a mute thought Tall one. Until Tall one went to order his date scone and tea and she said back to him “$5.50 please”. Strange woman, must be the backward country town way.
Got into Queenstown via a long lakeside mountain range. Checked into the YHA Lakeside and found we were in a room over looking the lake. The reception staff were all really annoyingly over confident and enthusiastic. Went for a wonder round town, it was all very autumn with the trees very golden yellow and red. Headed up the expensive gondola after deciding against walking up. Declined having our photo taken for $20 sat in a Gondola before it had even left the ground, when we could take our own photo for free of us in the Gondola when there was actually some scenery behind us. Had one ride on the luge (run by a lot of Irish backpackers) and the ski lift before coming back down to eat an okay meal in the Speight’s restaurant. Unfortunately some idiot Aussie guy sat down next to us, half pissed at 4pm and started the slurred line of questioning “where you from?.... how long you been here?.... you here to ski and stuff?” okay, drink up, lt’s go. Quick walk round the Queenstown botanic gardens, watched the night set in across the mountain and lake view, played on the children’s playground and ten to bed.
Wednesday 6th April 2011
Trip to Stewart Island started with a long wet walk in the rain 7am, after spending a fortune on $4 coffees from a newsagent. Checked into Stewart Island Flights and given our itinerary for the day, land at 8.30am, boat trip at 9am to Ulva Island Bird Sanctuary, then back by 100pm for a bus tour at 2pm, fly out back to Invercargill at 5pm. Sat and waited to board the jet while the only other two passengers checked in and tried to smuggle gas canisters on board. The plane took off and was very bumpy. There were two pilots sat directly infront of tall and small. One had a very bad haircut, a straight cut at back, bottom of hair except for a huge tuft an extra 1cm longer? Small one did not like all the bumps in the air and clutched the pilots seat all the way there. It was a nice 20 minute flight over to the island.
Landed to find there was literally just one highstreet, one pub, one shop, one post office and that was it. Walked to the boat trip and was told by a very old, short man in gum boots that we had been changed to take our boat at 115pm, and should be doing the bus trip now. We had not been told but were allowed to go on the boat anyway. It was a very bumpy ride across the choppy water to Ulva island, the old man must have been in his 70’s. On board were Americans and Kiwis, all asking where you were from, and ooh your from Ireland, i have ancestors from there, which part? Got tot he island and walked around for three hours looking for birds, and not seeing a kiwi, though a quiet place with some nice beaches and a lot of bad weather. There was then an extremely rough trip back where the boat rocked violently side to side and new fellow travellers in their 60’s all asking what part Conor was from Ireland?
Stopped for lunch back in Oban, the one and only town/village on the island. Rained on again, and was soaked. Priced the cafe and then the hotel pub. The cafe wanted $15 for a jacket potato when they wee usually $8, and $12 for a milkshake when they were usually $5! Went to the hotel and avoided sitting with the Americans from the boat. Had the bar menu and even that they wanted $15 for a Panini roll with nothing else with it. Had a terrible steak, egg and chip sin the end for $22.50. The men’s toilet there was made completely out of wood, everything was boards of ply as if still under construction. The condom machine had written in big letters on the front ‘if empty speak to barman’ ‘if full speak to bar maid’ ‘for a refund insert baby here’.
Then it rained some more and sat in the post office waiting for the 2 0’clock bus tour. Barry took us out, a kiwi guy who had been to Ireland, what part? He was very friendly and it turned out to be just me and Small one on the tour... so we took this whole mini bus out but it was just the two of us and the guide all sat in the front. It was a strange experience just driving through the rain why the tour guide spoke to us about the island. How there’s only 300 residents, how theres no power until they put in a generator for the town which cost millions, and coasts every 80c a unit of electricity, compared to the 20c a unit on the mainland. Small one said he was scared of flying and asked if there had been any crashes, to which he pulled over and told us at great length and detail how 15 years a go a plane went down on the way back in the ocean, both engines cut out. Pilot crash landed brilliantly in the ocean and nobody was hurt, but the plane sunk very fast drowning two people. The others who got out with life jackets were not picked up for hours by the life guards and died of over exposure to the cold water. Nobody survived. Meanwhile the police had cleared the main highstreet of Bluff incase he crash landed there, even though he could have steered into one of the fields if he even made it that far. Anyway, the tour finished after an hour and a half with still another hour and a half to wait until the return flight. As it was pissing with rain and the pub was a rip off tall and small waited in the post office again, where small one fell asleep for an hour while tall one read old national geographic magazines. It was a nice trip, very different, small, friendly place compared to the rest of New Zealand... apparently a place where nobody locks there doors...
On the flight back there was only one pilot (the one who couldn’t even get a proper hair cut) and the ride was very bumpy and aggressive which he seemed to be doing on purpose. Back in Invercargill tall and small got thankfully to the ground and started to walk home in the pissing rain when a fellow passenger they had no spoken to asked if they wanted a lift. They accepted, how he took ages to find his parking ticket at the validating machine, then stumbled round the car park seemingly having forgot what his car looked like or where he’d parked it (the car park was smaller than a standard supermarkets car park), finally found the car and with the windscreen fully steamed up, he took another 5 minutes getting lost in the car park trying to find his way out. After an struggling through a short journey made long with awkward polite conversation were both dropped at the hostel. Brought some pasta from Hell’s Pizza takeaway, but decided to sit and eat it inside the building as they were showing old Tom and Jerry cartoons on a television. Tall one also tried the ‘dessert’ pizza which had chocolate, berries, banana and custard.... now he wants to vomit but he enjoyed Tom and Jerry.
Tuesday 5th April 2011
Day in Invercargill and a decent lie in followed by a decent breakfast at the hostel. Walked round town looking for a hat to keep us warm, and some cream for small one’s suspected piles. Walked round Queen’s Park with the lizard statue, watched a small ginger child kick mallard ducks into a pond, and then we asked directions how to get to the animal park from a very short old lady gardener who seemed to have painted her eyebrows on using her own blood and had a one legged duck standing by her feet. Walked round and looked at the deer and pigs, then tried to go up the famous water tower of Invercargill... it was only opened for 3 hours every weekend, so just looked at the front door. Walked back to the CBD in the rain and brought a money pouch for asia and then some noodles. Small one fell asleep after tall one closed off all doors and windows in the room and put the heater on full whack, and had a peaceful 2 hours... then a quick evening stroll to the airport by the estuary then back for Dominos pizza, a bowl of cereal and some lemsip.
Monday 4th April 2011
Checked out after the just as terrible free breakfast in the hostel. Stored bags and went exploring rest of Dunedin in the rain. Supposedly a Scottish descended town, but the only Scottish detail seemed to be the shit weather. Had a Burger King $5 meal in a depressing food court, brought post cards, walked down to the very dull, industrial harbour, then sat on the very slow free wireless in the library. The library that seemed to be surrounded by vomit, all the drunks most be attracted to the building at night like moths to a bulb, just to throw up on the footpath outside.
Took the bus to Invercargill, about three hours. A small bus with a Mauri family with two babies sat in front of us. On the journey past a lot of sheep and also a dead one being gnawed on by a black kitten. Dropped in Invercargill by the statue of a lizard and walked down the very grid like street layout to the hostel. Tuatara Backpacker Lodge was quite large, though had a very old lift with a sign telling people not to make any sudden movements when using it. One of the gents toilets did not lock and nor did the bedroom door. Other than that they did a great breakfast for $10 including a very good coffee. Went out to eat into the restaurant next door to the backpackers, had a lambs fry and a pie of the day, was very good food, sat by the fire. Though the waiters wore shorts, and we had to beat two old grannies to the best table by the fire place.
Sunday 3rd April 2011
Up and out hostel for the Naked Bus trip to Dunedin. 7 Hour trip, with the bus driver saying he was 6 people short when we left 5 minutes early. A dull and very cold journey, and a small break at a dingy cafe in Oamaru. Dundein railway station was nice but had a long walk around the circular shaped streets (and very steep streets) looking for the hostel. Checked in and was fine. Walked 3km down to Balwyn street, the world’s steepest street and most boring tourist attraction. Got to the top took a photo, had a drink of water, went back down. Tall one had three different people yell out of passing cars at him, and still did not understand why. It sounded like one of them called him Daniel? Stopped in he Bog Irish Pub for a nice $14 Pork Roast. Asked for a pot of Kilkenny, not realizing that that was an Aussie term for a small glass and it was called a 12oz here, the bar tender thought tall one was saying ‘pint’ like ‘pot’ with some strange accent. Small one sat in the irish pub and had a flat white.... times had changed. Back to hostel and had been managing to stick to the $40 NZ dollars a day buget for food. Had the terrible free coffee in the hostel kitchen and went to bed.
Saturday 2nd April 2011
Short flight to New Zealand that felt a long time. Babies crying when there ears popped and some pig behind us snorting up flem every ten minutes. Customs in New Zealand, Christchurch had this bizarre interrogation about where do you work, why are you coming back and are you bringing drugs into the country as you work in a pub that serves students..... Then she gave Tall one 6 months tourist visa and small one 3 months tourist visa, never asked for proof of funds. Waited for the hostel mini bus to pick us up, it was either freezing stood in the shade or sweltering hot stood in the sun. The idiot driving the mini bus was some work for accommodation English moron who would not stop with those innate questions like how long you here, where’d you come from, what part of England you from, what football you like? Thank you for asking but please leave us the fuck alone.
Checked into the very small hostel, where the door opened smack into anyone who was checking in to reception. Had a big burger dinner round the corner opposite the Carlton Hotel in rubble. The Mauri owner of the cafe told us how he’d pulled people out the rubble when the Earthquake happened in Feb 2011, only 6 weeks before. The whole of the CBD was closedoff with wire fences and cones, each road leading in had a blue army tent with 3-4 army lads playing cards or kicking a football around guarding it from looters. Even the outskirts were empty of people, and with the amount of devasted roads and houses you could freely walk past and the eerily deserted streets with only the occasional police or army car patrolling, it felt a lot like a war zone.
Tall one and Small walked up to Tall one’s old suburb, Linwood where he lived for 6 months on Hereford Street back in 2008. His house was still standing and chatted to the old drum teacher who was still there with his wrapped up legs. He seemed in good form, and had lost a lot of weight. Walked past Tall one’s old jobs of door to door sales and then Chubb Offices, both unfortunately still standing. Down to Pak n Save to buy lemsip for small one. It was a little strange going about such bland activities whilst next door a row of buildings was an absolute wreck. Walked back up the side of Hagley Park and had completed the full circuit around the quarantined area in a few hours. A brief glimpse down to the Cathedral Square where you could see the remains of the Cathedral. Said to be a good 5 years before repairs carried out, and some 128 houses to be knocked. Back to hostel for good enough nights sleep, clocks went back which was confusing, but woke up shattered even after having an extra hour in bed.
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