Monday, Tuesday & Thursday updates.

Monday 25th May Tall one's birthday, Tall one turned 26 Years of age. Small one gave Tall one a red toy guitar for his birthday.

On route to central station for leaflet work, Tall one and Small one stopped in at a Phone shop to enquire about unlocking Small One's expensive Vodafone broadband modem. While in the shop a tramp with greasy long hair and a leather jacket full of holes told Small one to stand away from the counter. Small one did. Tall one then went and stood by the counter to see if the tramp would say the same thing. The tramp did, and said “Oi come away from there”, Tall one responded “who are you?”. The tramp claimed that he worked there. Small one and Tall one waved goodbye to the tramp and left.

Still on route to the station another lunatic was spotted. This was an Asian one with a jade cloth who was rambling to herself and outlining an invisible square shape in the air with her fingers as she walked and laughed.

Finally at the station they went to work. Small one upstairs by the cafes found another Asian lunatic. On all occasions prior to today Small one had seen this woman had been seen sitting in the same seat outside Burger King (aka Hungry Jacks) everyday at the same time eating her own packed lunch. On this occasion she arrived to sit and eat her lunch in her seat again, only to find a gentleman had arrived before her and was sat in her place. She stood beside his table waiting for him to leave.

A table came free next to her but she still waited mumbling for this one table to be free.

The gentleman was not in a hurry to leave as he was pissed and half conscious on the table.

Meanwhile Tall one was downstairs and watched as a man pushing a big wheelie bin down an escalator fell over, he struggled to get up at the bottom of the escalator as 3-4 Asian men and an old woman were piling up behind him. Tall one was going to take a photo but too many people were running to help. Later Tall one watched as a bald man wearing a waistcoat had his chips and coffee stolen by an Ibis bird and some seagulls and pigeons. Th bald man flapped around swearing with his newspaper and trying to get some more free chips and coffee from the kebab shop. After this excitement Tall one went into the station toilets and saw an elderly Asian man eating big leaves over the sink. After the station work three Guinness' were drunk in Scruffy Murphys bar.

A trip to the cinema to see a Swedish child vampire horror movie, Let the Right One In. Then a trip to a local bottle store was planned. From the hostel Tall one and Small one were lost from the directions given and so asked a dishevelled old man on the street which way to the liquor store? The old man told them where to go and then preceded to go through the nearest dustbin. When we got to the bottle store we found it it be next to the Police Station and also surrounded by about a dozen sleeping tramps. Whisky and whipped cream was brought to make Irish coffees. Back at the hostel Irish Coffee was being drunk on the sofa and a game of Connect 4 was being played.

Two girls came and sat with Tall one and Small one all excited and wanting to play a game of Jenga with all four of us. Small one said “that's fine, but I don't want to be your friend or add you on facebook', the girl said 'if you're not joking that's very sad'. After some dull conversation Tall one and Small one told the girls that they now just wanted to play Battleships on their own. The girls left. Tuesday 26th May Back down to the Train Station stopping to take photos of noisy Cockatoos on the way.

Small one got all excited and text Tall one that he was sat next to Alan Alda – Hawkeye from M*A*S*H* and was so nervous he could not speak.

He even tried whistling the theme tune to M*A*S*H* to get a reaction, but got none. Tall one came up and said that is not Alan Alda. Later Tall one text Small one to say he had just seen Robert De Niro having a milkshake a Burger King. After the station Tall one and Small one sat in an internet cafe looking for proper jobs with not much success. They were both so desperate for work they applied for McDonalds online. The application took 20 minutes each to fill out, the longest of any job application filled in so far, and Tall one was rejected within the hour. Back at the hostel and they bumped into the German 'friend' with the lisp. She had also quit the job as a door to door milkman and said she had now got a job at a nut factory. Went back out to go to the cinema again. Went to see the new Star Trek movie. It was adequate, better than Angels & Demons though. We were sat behind a very large, pale, fat man in a stripy t-shirt – who looked like a typical Star Trek Fan. Sure enough at the end of the film, when Spock held his hand up to do the Vulcan split finger wave,

the fat geek held up his own hand high and did it back.... he was the only one. Tall one and Small one laughed. On the way out of the cinema they had been setting up the entrance for a big red carpet première of Will Ferrell's new movie, Land of the Lost. Lots of idiots were gathered around waiting for him, and one such idiot had dressed in a full Elf outfit.... which will no doubt knock Mr Ferrell off his feet. Thursday 28th May As usual back down to train station to hand out fliers. Today we had nice shiny new ones though. While tall one handed them out to people who snubbed him he noticed a greasy long haired tramp with presumably OCD, skipping over every other paving stone and jumping over every block of orange slab. At the same time a nutty cereal bar company set up by the station entrance and gave out 7-8 free cereal bars to anyone passing. Tall one got 8, but they did not taste nice. Small one joined him and they sat in Belmore Park throwing broken up pieces of the cereal bar onto the grass to make the hundreds of pigeons and seagulls swarm down and scare people.

Walking back up town a mob of Cancer Research clipboard people were grinning and waving at Tall one and Small one as they walked towards them, we managed to escape by quickly crossing the road to the dismay of those charitable bastards. Today was a day we had to pull finger and find work, as have been here three weeks to the day and money was pretty thin. To save money tall one and small one had decided that this week they would stop buying themselves treats when out in the City. This did not work out. Yesterday Tall one caved first and brought himself a $4 strawberry milkshake in the morning, followed closely by Small one who brought them each a Burger King Cheeseburger, to make things worse Tall one then brought them each a chocolate bar from Woolworths. Tall one and small one decided that today would be different and no treats would be brought. Within half an hour of leaving the work at central station they were in a small filthy, Asian run cafe having a $7.50 breakfast.

Although the breakfast was enjoyed, small one and tall one were not happy with themselves.

Tall one asked the Asian waiter where the toilet was, he pointed to a door labelled 'STAFF ONLY'.... tall one thought maybe they were out of 'Toilet' signs when they went to the shop, either that or their English is very bad. Tall one enjoyed a wee, but then found that the cold water tap made a noise like a lawn mower when turned on. Small one and tall one left and headed for Sydney Harbour and The Rocks suburb to find cafes and bars to hand out their CV's to. Unfortunately Tall one brought an ice-cream for $6 at the harbour.... tomorrow will be different, no treats. Hotels were approached for work in Darling Harbour as well as a zoo. Tall one and small one were really tired of walking and treating themselves and so headed back to the hostel. On the way back they noticed how the tramps in Sydney are starting to write longer and longer messages on their little cardboard signs. They have gone from saying just 'Homeless' to 'Homeless, Appreciate any donations for food or accommodation'. But now they expect you to read a short auto-biographical story they have written on three foot high cardboard, 'My Name is Ray and I started life out as a......' some of them even do little illustrations in the corner! Where will it all end? Tall one and small one moved on and took a short cut to the hostel via an underground walkway. This turned into a surreal moving tunnel with soft, bouncy moving belt and children's paintings on the wall. Five minutes to get out the other side and it felt like tall one and small one had just awoke from a strange dream.

The surrealness was continued later in the evening when Tall one and small one thought they would go to Sydney Hospital and enquire about the fever and flu symptoms tall one had had for over a week and small one a few days. Sydney Hospital looked like some luxury Spanish villa and the entrance was just as vague.

Across the main entrance were signs plastered about Swine Flu saying 'DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT A MASK IF YOU HAVE COLD / FLU SYMPTONS'. There were no masks to be seen. The secuirty guard came past and said he'd get us some and came out with two.

We went into reception where the four patients stared at us in silence... we were the only ones with face masks. The security guard then came out and asked all four patients to leave reception and sit outside in the cold. Tall one and small one now sat alone in the reception, still wearing the masks.

A nurse came out with a mask on and asked us about our symptoms and travel background. She then returned after ten minutes without a mask and told us to take ours off as it was nothing to worry about. She asked us to wait so that we could speak to a doctor about our standard symptoms and as she left she had a coughing fit, and called back 'I don't have Swine Flu'. Another nurse then came out and told us to put new masks on which were impossible to tie up. She separated small one and tall one and told us that they were not to concerned with tall one but were more concerned with the small one.

This new nurse asked us the same questions about symptoms and travel history and again said it may be nothing. A doctor called Patrick then came in and asked the same questions... They then left small one and tall one in a room together for 15 minutes where we could over here them on the phone talking about 'swabs'. The new nurse told us we were to have swab tests as a precaution and took small one away. She came back with a second 'gown' on, a plastic welding mask over her face and clutching two very long swabs. Small one could be heard screaming and pleading to let him stick them in himself (no joke). Meanwhile, Patrick came into tall one and opened the bag around the plastic welding mask then threw it in the bin to make it look like he'd used it. He then casually shoved a squab three times down tall one's nose and throat. When small one had finished crying they told us to take the masks off and leave and they would phone us tomorrow. We walked back to the hostel with our free face masks, we feel like true Asians now.